I share custody of my oldest daughter with my ex husband. We have 50/50 shared custody which means my daughter spends a week with him then a week with me etc. That arrangement definately wasnt what I had in mind but that is a whole other matter. I see my ex husband every friday when he picks her up or drops her off and it is usually fine if I dont have anything to say. My problem is when I do have something to say...I dont seem to have a problem telling anyone else exactly what I think except for him. When I have something I need to discuss with him I feel sick for the whole day and when he arrives and for about 30 mins after he leaves my hands shake. I know why I feel that way of course but I am just wondering if the others that have or do feel this way can tell me this.....It has been 2 years...Is he going to be able to make me feel that way forever?

Why do you feel like that? Because you still have feelings for him? Or because you are scared or him? Either way, I think the best way to get over it would just be to ignore your nervousness and say what's on your mind. I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen when you speak your mind?

I would consider having someone else besides "you" there during the exchange. Not because you are running, but to give yourself time to sort out your feeling in this matter. In tell your emotions in this matter can be controled in other words. You may not like what has happened, but you have to be sencable so you can get your points across, without emotion.

No I dont have feelings for him...other then the fact that I dislike him in massive amounts (cause my mom told me I should never hate anyone). The feeling I have is more that if I tell him what I think or demand something I am in trouble. He was a control freak and I know it seems silly because I am 32 but when he is around I suddenly feel like I am 5. I feel silly even saying it because I am an adult. Just wondered if anyone else feels the same and if the feeling ever goes away. I realize only I can make it go away by being strong and I thank everyone for listening and giving their advice....

You're exactly right. Only you can make it go away. The only control he has over you is the control you give him. Be strong, like you already know you can be, and just know that he CAN'T control you if you don't LET him. And if there is a confrontation, stand your ground. You are the mother of his little girl and you deserve that respect, so demand it.

Thank you so much for that. You just made me feel a little stronger. You are absolutely right. I am the mother of his child and I do deserve it.

This goes out to all the forum members as you are all the most unselfish, caring, and helpful people I have ever met. :thanks:

Alexmichele07, you are so right! I could not have said it better myself! Neverlooinback, keep in mind that only you can change you! BE firm, be strong, say what is on your mind, hold your head up, be confident!That old saying,"I am woman, hear me roar!" is so true! He can't make you feel anything you don't want to feel, you are in control of your own feelings. Gear up, before he arrives, play out what will happen in your mind or out loud and say what you feel so he won't make you feel that way.Thats intimidation and control, been there done that!
Keep in touch!

It has been 2 1/2 for me and I know exactly how you feel. It's easy to say "I'm going to be strong." But then you get that sick feeling and your heart starts beating real fast. I've had the best luck by just taking that big step. Once I start talking it's like a stronger part of me takes over. Good luck and always remember everyone here is behind you!

Thank you for your advice lauriebabes and cincymomof2. I do have to get over this and I keep telling myself I will, if not for me for my daughters. All of your advice has made me think about this more and I am in control of my future but more importantly I am in control of my daughters future. If I am afraid and nervous then there is a good chance my girls will grow up and allow someone to make them feel that way and by then it will be too late to teach them any different. I will do whatever it takes to have a house full of roaring women....making a mental note to get the bigger bottle of tylenol....thank you all again for the support