i dont know after 3.5 years of being in a good and bad relationship, he left me for a 17 yr old when he was 25...its been over a year and a half since we broke up. even tho he cheated on me i still have feelings for him, i miss so many things about him and i get jealous of the relationship he has with her, he loves her more than he loved me. i dont know why i can't get over this guy whom i despise, i dont know why i still have feelings for him, i think its probably the great things i never have found in a man, i think since i'm single i have nothing to focus my mind on but what hes doing, i'm taking care of his son and this isnt what i wanted in life, to have a kid with a guy who doesnt want me. i know everyone will say focus on your child but you do your thing and take care of your kid but that doesnt mean your heart, mind and soul will be in that taking care of your baby moment 24/7, lets face reality here. esp when my son is napping or sleeping i have a lot of self time and i have dreams and before i go to sleep. i dont know what to do, maybe i should see a counselor i dont have insurance but right here and now i just got a lightbulb moment and i think i should see if someone can help me put my attention elsewhere. i think if i had a man i could focus on him and think about that special guy in my life but i dont have anyone. i hate my ex and i pray whenever i can that he gets what he deserves, i pray that hes miserable and not happy...he's cheated on me numerous times with minors and older and hes abused me (not physically-only once he slapped me)
i dont know what to do, i'm a stay at home mom and i just cant get my focus off of him , maybe its cause hes my first love and b/f but i'm 26 i think i'm too old for that teen angst of heartbreak stage, i dont know why i'm so attached to someone i curse

Hey, I know how that goes. Maybe you could find something that interests you, like a hobby, or maybe take some classes somewhere. It could really help. Also, I learned the hard way that going and doing things with just me and the kids is a lot more fun than having to put up with him. Guys like that do nothing but make you feel worse, they even make your life worse, so weigh the pros and cons. Just an opinion. God bless.

yes, I have been there. Now that 8 years have gone by, I know that those are phases you go through...each phase has its own meaning and reason to be.
I agree with momio...get out of the house, do something you never did before.
No, only concentrating on your child is not the solution, it will only remind you of him.
To me, this forum was a great help, and still is, although my situation has changed a lot since I started here, almost 3 years ago. It's a way of getting out' without needing a baysitter, a way of 'getting out' in your mind at least.

thanks guys for your advice, i appreciate you taking your time to answer my complicated mind in depression.

I do distract myself by going out and doing things, but it doesnt matter what i'm doing or where i am, he'll pop up in my head out of the blue, its just a random thought i have, wondering about him-what hes doing right now/if hes with his g/f or thinking about him, its so stupid! I hate thinking about him and thats the last thing i want to do and i try to distract myself but i could be watching tv/driving/shopping and there he is in my head.

i know if i go shopping its my best distraction but i cant afford to do that all day everyday! lol sadly but i wish i could, thats my therapy

I write journals to deal with thoughts like that, it helps me analize my motives, and theirs at times. I just write what pops in my head, though I rarly reread anything, for some reason writting it helps me to think more logicly about it and not with my heart.

I just wanted to write so I can agree with Mopaul... Writing I feel is a good outlet...even not reading it after you write it...I have tried to read what I write and there are times I have no clue what I was even thinking about...there are so many ways to vent and just express how you are feeling...you just need to find one that works for you and stick with it...over time...even though you may seem like it is forever...you will feel better about everything that is going on..you will even understand why what happened with you and him was okay...

Take care...

WOW, I really feel like commenting on that last sentence you wrote, Cfrances....about understanding why what happened...was ok...
it makes me think of a question I was asked during an interview (I was applying for a job). He asked...if I had a chance to re-live it all, what would I do different...and I probably gave the 'wrong' answer, because they almost did not hire me...LOL..I said: no, I would not change anything, ...because even though I have made big mistakes, what I have today I would never ever want to trade for anything else.
Yes, I loved the wrong guy, for much much to long, and he hurt me for as long as I can think back in our relationship, in fact, from the very first day I met him...but he did give me my son (I did not say anything specific like that at the interview LOL, but I did think it). So, there is a lot of hurt inbetween here and there, but that's life, and it would not be worth anything if it was too easy. Easy to say for me, long time after it happened, I know.

yes i do understand how writing does help in terms of letting it all out, just like we do here lol. but it hasn't helped me get over this whole ordeal, i think i'm really traumatized & now am afraid of relationships, i'm afraid of getting my heart broken so thats all i have found in writing or venting.
i ran into him Wed. which is technically yesterday, saw him with a girl who I KNOW for a fact will be his next g/f when he dumps this one. hes such a predictable guy and i know how his mind and motives work and just to see her my heart sank knowing she doesnt deserve to go thru what i did. ugh.....i think if God can intervene and cause castration, i would feel A LOT BETTER, i think it would heal everything thats going on in me LOL hey can you blame me?
i have a hard time writing cuz my hand cant keep up with my brain and when i write i dont want anyone getting their hands on it, all writing does it make me think more deeper into it and my mind gets deeper into why im feeling this way, it makes me feel better but at the same time makes the pain feel raw again cuz i get those flashbacks/memories as i write. its either a lobotomy or castration LOL, me or him hahahaha

I am not saying it is for everyone, but I wanted to get it strait in my head, worse then the pain was not understanding at times. What I was basically doing was slowing down my thoughts so I could analize them, it is hard to analize something moving that fast, writing for me slow them down so I could think clealy. Just don't repress the emotions or it will byte you at a later date, you have to deal with them. I used to do that, and one emotional experiance and they all came out, and was that a fun time.

You will be all right over time girl, chin up.

I will try it out & I hope it works...so far I've been using messageboards but maybe I need to have some personal journaling and figure it out myself somehow, I still can't analyze and figure anything out to help me clear my depressed & frustrated state of mind but I pray, I pray he gets what he deserves, is that bad? lol thats how i try to get over him, once i know the karma kicks him in the ass!

I wrote letters to my ex, and never gave them to him. There was something about giving him a piece of my mind, and being able to do it without him being able to hurt me emotionally. It was safe and I got it out. And although I never gave them to him, I got it off my chest.

I know about seeing him with another woman, I know how that feels. It is good that you know that he is just going to do the same kind of a thing to her.

Something to think about...maybe his not being with you isn't about you. In your original post you said that he loves her more than he loved you. Maybe he can't love someone else, or maybe he has some other issues going on. I know that in order to move on I had to admit to myself that it wasnt about me...it was about his unhealthy needs.
Good luck to you...and please know that you are not alone!

lol, I used to write emails in word pad and never send them, anything to make me feel better, they usually did.

I can relate to the pain your feeling...the betrayal and sense of abandonment. But he doesn't sound like he has any sense of honor or integrity, that when you look at what really counts in a man he comes up way short. So...would you really want him back even if he returned? I'm a man and he doesn't sound like what I consider a "man" to be. When you consider him in the larger scheme of things you might gain some insight, and whatever pulls at you might go away. Good luck girl...hang in there.

Angel, I know EXACTLY how you feel! I was with my daughter's father for 15 mos, during which he hit me, stole from me, whored himself for drugs and stole from other people. I finally got free of him just before KaRe was born; I slipped up and had sex with him 2x after that just because I was lonely! He doesn't understand that I don't want him in my daughter's life because he's too much of a negitive influence both on her and on my emotional well-being.
Everyone who has said writing is a good outlet is right on the money. Drawing / painting is another, since you don't have to rely on your hands to keep up with your head as much (abstract paintings are so thereaputic!)

Hang in there, and I'll try to do the same!