when things ended with my ex and i, we agreed to have dinners upon occasion. this was so that tobi could see that we were a unified front and the his dad was still there for him.

Anyways, we've really slacked off with it, probably b/c i can't help but be a little tiffed with him when he is around. and so i asked if he wanted to join us tonight, i was already planning on cooking chicken n' dumplins anyways, so what is one more?

but when i got up, i couldn't help but clean the house, clean up myself and do all of these crazy things! and now he is going to come over and i don't even know what i'm expecting, but i don't want him back. he has done way too much damage and my heart still has too much duct tape over it.

ugh... well, as soon as he gets here, i'm heading out to buy rum! i think that is the only way to survive the evening. b/c when it is all over i will either be disappointed in him (again), angry with him, or lonesome!

and i still have a feaking paper to finish that is due on monday .... grrrrrrrrrrrr.....

sorry for the ramble rant

I still do this...want the house to look perfect and me as well...

At first it was because I still had feelings, but now it's because I want them to feel that I have it all together even though they aren't around. Like life went on just fine after we were over and I have everything in control.

I applaud you for continuing to dine with your ex for your kids' sake. That's more than I can stomach. You'll be ok, just remember you have to stop caring how they feel eventually. let me know how you manage it if you can stop, it's been 9 years and I still do.

Oh I gave up caring what Tom thinks a very long time ago. I see him as somebody I once knew that I just happen to have children with. I've changed soooo much over the past 11 years that he has no clue who I am anymore. Why would I care what an almost complete stranger says about me?

The only time I get upset is when he upsets my kids. He's doing much better since Katie let him have it one day. She just told him that she loves her mommy and it hurts her feelings for him to say bad things. She wrote that all in a letter that Tracy found and taped to the fridge. Just a little daily reminder that when he runs his chops about me he's hurting Katie not me.

well, dinner is over. and i'm starting to feel like my issues with the ex are rather trivial in comparison to the ones i've been reading about. sorta lucky i suppose. but they are still issues none the same.

so dinner was fine, except the same problem that keeps happening. all of a sudden i'm taking care of two kids. he comes over and i basically force him and tobi outside to play b/c he needed some run time. when they came, ex just laid down on the couch and took a nap?! Why? I though he was coming over to, geez i don't know, be with his son?

and he does this almost everytime he is over here! when he gets tobi over night, he takes him to his mom's house down the street and naps there while she watches him? WTF?! what are earth could he be doing to exhaust him so, b/c it certainly isn't the energy that he is throwing into his son?

anyways... that is it, nothing big, but fairly annoying for me... especially when he had asked if he could take tobi for week .... ummm NO! not until you can handle the little time you do bother to spend with him!

He would never make it with my 3 youngest. My 5yo daughter always wants to go to the park, the slide is what she likes and if there are no other kids then I'm her playmate. Meanwhile the other 2 are riding bikes at opposite ends of the park, now this park is about 6 blocks long. I use 2way radios to keep track of them now.

omg what is he doing laying nevermind sleeping on YOUR couch over the top you cook he cleans and you all go for a walk or something never mind the nap tell him straight if your tired to go home nice example for toby eat sleep trust me i have 3 boys who figured that was normal until we split kick that habit in the butt!! good luck

Don't you hate that? When they take the kids for a "visit" but it's not so they can spend time with them, it's just to save face?

My ex used to take the kids about once every 3 or 4 months just to shut me up because I'd gripe at him for not seeing them or spending time with them. But when he WOULD take them, he'd make them spend the entire time in his live-in gf's son's room. This happened until I found out her son was trying to molest my daughter! (The boy was 6, my daughter 3 at the time.)

Never happened again, I quit even asking him to spend time with them. Now, he lives with his mother. The gf took her son and their child and moved to GA. Now, when they visit, his mom basically takes over and helps him do everything for them. Makes me just want to hit something. They have no responsibility. Mommy still does it all.

quote:

They have no responsibility. Mommy still does it all.

What is up with that! I have a rather good relationship with my ex's mother (even spent valentines day with her) and she always says "well i'm not going to enable him! he needs to figure things out and learn how to do right by his son" and then she turns around and not only runs to his house, but actually comes from a DIFFERENT CITY on the days she knows that tobi is with him! What, so he can take a nap and avoid all responsibility yet again!

And, btw not passing over what happened with your daughter - b/c that is horrible! And you have to wonder about that poor little boy and what must have happened to him to be doing that to another little girl at his age?!

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Originally posted by hi:
And, btw not passing over what happened with your daughter - b/c that is horrible! And you have to wonder about that poor little boy and what must have happened to him to be doing that to another little girl at his age?!

My ex met this girl (while still married to me and she still married to her ex) in an online adult *** group that meets monthly to have wild parties and basically have group ***. And this is the kind of influence he brings around my kids!! With the kind of behavior they obviously practice in their home, you can't expect it not to rub off on her kids. Yet, DHS couldn't do anything about it when I reported him for what the boy did to my daughter. They said there were serious concerns, but they couldn't prove anything. I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING!!!

He's getting supervised visitation when the divorce is final in a few weeks.