i am a single mom of 3 and i am new to this but i was wondering a few things that maybe someone out there has some answers....Well my ex has a new girlfriend and spents time with her which is not wrong but now that he is busy he hardly comes to pick up his kids. He tells me he loves his kids but why not see them. the last time he saw them was Jan.28th 2007 and we talk and they get to talk to him but he thinks he can pick them up when it is convienent for him and i am glad that he picks them up but is that wrong that i let that kind of thing go on without telling him reallly anything but that he needs to come around more often and he says he will but still is the same.

He is obviously going on with his life.

Kindly state to him that you need to do the same; This requires a stable, dependable schedule.

Have him agree to a schedule and make him keep it; so he doesn mess up yours. He doesnt need to know why...just that this is what is required of him. Don't worry about CS (as a-hole ex's seem to try to use this as a bargaining chip) as it is not, Visitation-dependant.

Make him act like a father...or at least like a grown up...since I think asking him to act like a man would be asking for too much.

Good luck and Welcome to the forum.
Hope that helps.

I agree. That's what parenting plans are for. Set boundaries, like you would with your children. "this is what time you CAN see the kids" make him call at least 24 hours in advance to confirm.
Your kids are going to REALLY start looking forward to the visits (if they haven't already) and it helps quite a bit to have a heads up of when they are and are not going to be there.
Sadly in my case, I usually have to drive 3 hours one way only to find out that she's not going to show up at the visitation center then turn around and drive the 3 hours back home. That makes for one cranky 2 year old.

Be firm. Set an "official" parenting plan. Doesn't mean he HAS to follow it, and yes it's totally independent of child support. But it does keep him from showing up whenever and for however he wants. It sets guidelines, which are so important for your children.

Kids really need structure. It's amazing how many parents don't understand that! But it's really the only way they strive. I know my little one feels really uncomfortable when things don't go according to schedule.

It's up to him, really, whether or not he wants to be a part of his kids' life, and there's nothing you can do or say to make it different. Hopefully he'll be unlike MOST dad's I know, and he'll give a damn.

It is a shame to see so many posts on this one subject matter...Ugh!!! It is so frustrating!!!

This is a big issue and there is, unfortunately nothing we can do to force the other parent to keep with a visitation schedule.

My ex never has, and he once was so bad about it that he was cancelling after he was supposed to have shown up (I would reconfirm the pick up time the night before myself because if I wait for him to confirm, he is at the door or is calling me wondering where we are). The boys were always ready to go spend time with daddy and bam! He calls or I end up calling him wondering where he is and he can't make it.

Now I have learned to get them ready, but not tell them what is going on just in case it is another no show. I also make sure I have a plan B for an outside the home activity so they are not getting ready to leave in vain.

I would argue with him (I tried to be proactive for my kids' sake thinking that I wasn't going to let my kids down by not trying to fight the good fight for them - the reality is, it is him letting them down), cry over the phone about it, and for a while he never came to get the kids. I told him that I don't wait around or rearrange my schedule or the kids' schedule anymore for him. He can kiss my pink @ss!!! I went as far as telling him that if he didn't stick to the parenting plan that he wasn't going to see his kids at all. I, personally, didn't want to be that tough because that defeats the purpose, but I had to put my foot down! After I did, he started to atleast take the kids for five hours every other weekend on a somewhat regular basis.

I don't think they realize how devastating it is to their children and how hurt they are by it. I had to watch my little brother's heart break on his third birthday when he was sitting at the window, waiting for his dad to show up to take him out to celebrate. He cried and cried for him, and was screaming when my mom had pulled him away from the window for lunch. At three years old!!!! I was fourteen at the time and remember it like yesterday because I hurt for him so badly. That is just not something you forget.

My kids have cried over it, too. It just isn't fair at all and it is very heartbreaking. He also goes to Iraq soon (we are talking in a few weeks) and still hasn't spent any quality time with his boys. It just makes me sick.

I do have to say that any time with daddy to the boys is quality time and it would hurt them severely if I belittled that time in hearing range so I am sure not to do that ever - it just hasn't been time that he has actively done anything with them. They have just been going over to dads' house and running a muck while he has put together furniture, too occupied to spend time with them (that is what he was doing this past five hour visit that only happens maybe twice a month). My youngest got into their bathroom and was into the toothpaste to the extent that he came home in different clothes, if that says anything about dad being preoccupied. I could just scream!!!

He is leaving for Iraq, may come back in a wooden box and never get the chance to spend any time with them again and that is how he chooses to spend his time with them!!! Daddy's gonna reap what he sows and make his own bed and later have to lie in it, regardless.

I am personally tired of picking up the pieces of my childrens' broken hearts because of everything he pulls on them. There is nothing more I can do, though. We just have to reassure them that we are there for them always and show them (not just tell them like their other parent does - so they know the difference and can grow up knowing what parental/unconditional love really is) that we love them unconditionally.

God bless you and all of us going through the same thing. He knows we need all the help we can get better than anyone else.