Really, compared to other people's lives, this is minor, but it's bugging me big time. So, I'll vent and get it off my chest.

When we were married, my ex collected tons of DVD's and Videos. We had a massive library. When we split, I divided the library. I did it in three piles, what I knew I wanted, What I knew I didn't want, and ones we both might want. He glanced over the piles and said, you keep the ones you want, and the ones you think we both might want, and I'll take the ones you don't want. Very generous.

Okay, so the set up is that I have a bunch of the movies that he enjoys. Sunday when the kids went over he called me, hey could you send over Star Wars I, the one with the pod race, your son is wanting to watch it.

I didn't like the idea of doing that. I'm not his lending library, I'm not his secretary. So, I said, you know I don't think I have that one. I was pretty sure I did, but I wasn't going to go look. He and his new live in girlfriend recently had to put tons of stuff in storage, so he's not even sure what he has.

Today the girlfriend came over to pick up the kids for Thanksgiving. She blithely says, and Bruce is wanting to have Joseph and the Technicolor Dream Coat, and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

I said No. Oh, it's really cold today, let me get the kids their jackets.

I turned around to get the jackets. I could see her out of the corner of my eye. She had this stunned, embarassed look on her face. She realized she had over stepped the line. And yet she was also angry that I would embarass her, angry that I would deny her something. The emotions played thru her face, neither becoming dominate.

I have now made it clear to her that I'm not a door mat. I'm not here to provide anything my ex needs for the kids. Not my job. When the kids are at his house, he needs to provide for them, not me.

I've got a feeling I'm going to have to fight this battle again. I'm going to have to fight it with him, not with her. I know she won't be his messanger the next time.

Anyone else have an ex who makes them into the address book, the lending library?

Happy Thanksgiving.

Good for you Charity! He should not be carrying messages through his girlfriend. I think if the kids wanted to see the movies they could ask you if they could bring it to Dad's and bring it back when they came back to you. I think your right about the girlfriend not becoming his messenger for him anymore. You're also right that this is something that should be dealt with with him and not her.

My ex making me his address book or lending library? No, but it does seem that I have become his storage unit for things he couldn't take when he first moved out. He's a truck driver with no home of his own. We have been separated/divorced for 3 years and I still have his stuff here. I've been thinking about going through it and getting rid of it as I see fit. After 3 years, I think it's now my property. But I might just be vindictive.

Hey Charity,
I don't know your situation or why you two split so forgive me but I really do not see the big deal of him watching some of the movies that you two shared as long as they come back to you. This is part of keeping your relationship on somewhat decent terms for the kids. Yes, he should provide for the kids while they are at his house but they are still both your kids and you two still share the responcibility of them together.

Now as for the girl friend I have to agree with you totally. First I don't think she should be picking up the kids, he should. Second she should not be discussing anything with you concerning kids or anything else. I know she wants to help him out but he needs to be the one to deal with you for anything and she needs to stay totally out of it.

I hope you are having a good holiday, God bless.

You are right, I guess I do seem a bit over the top. Let me see if I can explain a bit.

My ex hasn't forwarded his mail to where he's living. I'm supposed to pick it up and give it to him.

He sometimes forgets to pick up the kids. And if it suddenly become inconvienent to have the kids, they are dumped back on my lap.

He was very upset when he found out that I had deleted all his relatives phone numbers out of my address book.

Basically the movies are another way for him to keep control over me. I'm supposed to be here to take care of him, and pick up the slack.

He has other movies the kids can watch over at his place. By asking to borrow videos, he's making a gambit to stay in my life. He's trying to still tell me what to do, still call the shots. I don't want any of it. Maybe I'm a bit obsessive at this point.

Charity

Charity,

Hugssss... I can relate. My ex is always trying to get me to send things to his house... but in my case, they never come back. He purchased a game system, but expects me to give him all the games. I try to find a happy medium, and send only what my son says HE wants to take - and basically ignore my ex. He was always a control freak, and I can relate to not wanting to let that go on.

The girl friend picking up the kids would not sit well with me. I don't know how I will handle it, if and when that comes into play - but I think if they are not married - she has no business playing step-mom!

Hang in there - and vent away ... I know I have, and it helps!

Get this, the kids came home and happily told me they watched Jungle Book at Daddy's house. So, he wasn't asking me for movies for the kids sake, he was asking to borrow what he wanted to watch.

Charity

Just continue to stand your ground. If the kids were asking you to take a movie, I would say go ahead, but if he's just doing it for himself and using the kids and the girlfriend, then I would most certainly refuse him. I'm surprised the girlfriend allows herself to be used like that. I certainly wouldn't do it.