I am new to this so please bear with me.
my daughters father and I have joint 50/50 custody. Not legally just somthing that has worked out over the years. We use to have some sort of communication about our daughter and it was working out great. Until he started dating hsi recent gf. A year ago she has stepped in to the picture and has cut off any communication I had with my daughters father. He has told me they fight because of me and so he rather not fight with her so he will honor her wishes. the gf has caused nothing but trouble with me. from accusing me of sending nasty texts. which forced me to get a detailed print out from my cell phone company to prove it was not me sending the alleged texts. She had said and done some other things. Which I have prove and keep it close to me in a file. She is great with my daughter or so my daughter says. My daughters only arguement is that the gf will not let her wear certain clothes to my house. I have confronted the father numerous times on certain situations and get nothing. Now they are having a baby. My questions is how do I deal with this "other" woman in my daughters life? When she has done nothing but made me dislike her time after time. Even after I entended myself and wrote her a nice e-mail. Its gets turned around on me. Also how do I make my daughters father see how important it is for us as co-parent to communicate? I have my daughter in counseling twice a month to give her an outlet if somehting goes worng. Can anyone help me?

Ouch, it sounds like this girl is just set on hating you and driving a wedge between you and the ex. Sometimes, you just can't get along with a person, no matter how hard you try. Sometimes they're just going to be bitchy.

My advice to you is to communicate ONLY to your ex, via email or cell phone if you have to, when you know she won't be around, or when you THINK she won't be around. Communicate only about what is necessary for your daughter, leave it at that. If you communicate via email, you will have a log of what you've said and what he's said. It can be your proof of the situation.

If she continues to get hostile towards you, you can use some sort of mediator or middle ground. Arrange to drop your daughter off and pick her up at a neutral location (McDonalds or a part, etc.) without the gf present. This might save your sanity in not having to deal with her.

Hope that helps. Good luck. I deal with it myself all the time.

More than likely this is baggage from a previous relationship. She's probably been in a situation where there was a nasty ex involved, and is overTly sensative to any and everything that you may say or imply. I've been in relationships where this was the case, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't say anything right. I think it's time for your ex to step up to the plate and grow a backbone, for the sake of your daughter. He needs to re-assure her that you are in this for your child! And perhaps it wouldn't hurt for you to try to talk to her one on one. I know you said you sent a nice e-mail, but I'm sure anyone who's ever used a computer can testify to at least ONE time when things got interpreted the wrong way in an e-mail or a text message. It couldn't hurt to try anyways.
I would be less quick to grow that chasm between you. If you and your ex were on good speaking terms before she came along, that's a really good (albeit rare) thing, even between married couples, much less divorced or seperated ones, and I wouldn't be so quick to give up on that. Try to make her see, especially now that she's going to have a child of his, that it's very important that EVERYONE communicate, and of course always invite her just like you would your childs father to the conversations, so there is no fear of you "stealing her man" back. I'm sure that's where her insecurities lie.
Hope this helped!

quote:

She is great with my daughter or so my daughter says. My daughters only arguement is that the gf will not let her wear certain clothes to my house.

I think this is important.
Your daughter is not unhappy with this new person.
If the girlfriend is his future it is understandable that he is to respect her. He likes her, no reason or rule says she has to like you or you have to like her.
Sounds like she doesn't want you in her life, and wants the interaction kept to a minimum.
What things are you being blocked on?
How do you set up things like dropping off and picking up your daughter?

Welcome to the forums and great user name

Thanks for the advice. I try to call him when she is not around however it will almost take days to get a return phone call. E-mails and texsts are no good she reads them and deletes them. When I ask him about them he has not clue what I am talking about. We never see eachother because our arranged schedule allows one another to drop off and pick up at before/after school daycare. I have taken the high rode on dealing with both of them. In the begining I would get so mad that he would let her do this. Then I realized I can change him or control what they do. I do not want my daughter to see how they treat me. Although she is smart and has picked up on it well. I have now been honest with her when she asks questions. Well as honest as you can be to a 5 year old. thanks again everyone.

in reply to Smilingrin's advice:
I have tried several to try to get her father and his gf to sit down with me and talk. so that all of us can be on the same page. Her father has declined and said "he will raise our daughter how he feels on his time and I can raiser her my way on my time" I know his gf is insecure about me being involved and she is also young and immature. Because having walking to a situation knowing I was already a very active part in my daughters life. And then trying to and succeeding to ruin the communication. Is a very selfish thing to do. When I talked to her father about how his gf is and the rude things she says when I call and does when I see them in public. His response is "you know how she is. she is pigheaded" He has told me it hurt him that I left and proved to do this on my own. I just can't help to think this is payback for leaving. He can't be alone so has found someone no matter how mean or evil she is to fill that void. I have days where its does not bother me at all. then there are days when its all I think about because the only person who is truley going to be effected is my little girl. And I am the only one who seems to look out for her best interest. Sorry for the long rant. I just had to get it out. thanks for listening.

I'm new at dealing with the ex's girlfriend thing too. It's funny how it can take normally rational people and turn them in to selfish, idiotic jerks (I don't just speak about my ex but it did it too me too). I know it's been longer for you but I just keep faith that as the newness of situations dulls a routine will develop and everything will become like normal again.

It aslo sounds like your ex has his own issues to resolve and you can't help him with those; he's got to learn for himself. If you keep trying to fix the problems then he'll ever really know the extent of them. It will be tough but perhaps you should just distance yourself as best as possible and there will be a "problem spill over" effect. He will be affected by the problems just as much as you are and then he'll be forced to take a more active role in resolving the issues.

I can certainly understand how upsetting this might be for you to have the communication between you and your ex cut off because of his new partner. Unfortunately you cannot control his decisions and obviously he is unable to set his boundaries with this other woman for the sake of his daughter most likely due to jealousy or fear on her behalf that he will leave her and go back with you. Here is what I would do in such a situation and it is not advice but simply what I would do. Grant them their wish and let it go because you have no control of other people's choices. You are a single parent now and if he choses not to communicate with you because it creates hardships with his partner, then let him pay for the consequences by granting him his wish. I would not even call him secretly because the moment she finds out it will only cause her to rebel and there are children involved. As for your dauther not being able to chose her own clothes to go back to your place it is a bit strange to impose that on a young child, you have to ensure in your daughters mind that everything is okay. Explain to her that yes there will be different rules in such a situation and the only thing your daughter can do is either she learns to set her boundaries and explains her dislikes to this new person in her life, or she follows their rules even though they may be a bit silly. If you live your life for you and your daughter, set your boundaries and run away from those types of energy draining arguments, the other "woman" has no one but your ex to pester. Simply live your life the way you want, don't focus on their life. You have your rules and they have theirs. THe more you get upset, the more your daughter will feel it and show resentment. Be happy, leave them out as much as possible and do what you need to do to live a happy and prosperous life for you and your daughter...show them who the stronger one is.
Miranda at singleparent-youthcoach@hotmail.com