Well, I mailed out the seperation papers to my husband today. I was balling like a fool at the post office. Ironically, I also mailed out a video of our daughter playing and singing at a school function from this past Friday.

The post office lady just stood there and told me "Whatever your mailing, I hope you find peace soon". I just looked at her and said, well, the first one is a video of my angel, the second one is seperation papers. She looked sickened, I told her "to many deployments". And she just let out a loud "Aw, sweetie...I am so sorry".

So, yeah, they got mailed, I cried, I called my mom, started calling him every name in the book for being such a selfish bleepbleepbleep for abandoning us the way he did.

So, I texted him to see if he was calling tonight. No response. I called, no answer, I called 2 hours later, no answer. I called 45 minutes later, no answer...I called 10 minutes later and left a message consisting of "if we're supposed to be co-parenting, what the heck am I supposed to do if A falls and cracks her head open...if your never available, how can I co-parent with you?"

This is NOT the first time I've called him on this. In fact, this is about the fifth or sixth time. I know I'm being to nice.

Prime example, couple weeks ago, he promised A that he would call the next day. She got all excited, grabbed a book and asked "where's my Daddy?" I called and called. His excuse, he didn't feel like picking up the phone. He burns our 2.5 year old over and over again. Part of me just wants him to drop off the face of the earth, the other part of me wants to smack him upside the head for being so selfish...how in the world can anyone blow off a kid, let alone, their own?!?

I understand that war changes people, but to have someone go from compassionate, wonderful father and husband, most caring man in the world to THE most heartless, life-less, self-centered and hateful person just amazes me. Actually, it sickens me that he is to proud to get help also and he would rather push his wife and daughter away then face up and get professional help.

So, anyways, documentation...my neighbor said to start writing everything down. Dates, Times, length of calls, visits etc. How do I do that? I googled it, but didn't have any luck. What should all be included, could I take it back to court in a year and use it as evidence against him that he's being a putz?

I hate snow. We moved up here from Georgia. That's another reason I hate him so much. He made it back East and ditched me here where I hate it.

You know what, I know my response above was rather short (meaning cross). I'm trying not to be negative here, I am dealing with this breakup of my family and am taking the rejection from him and his need to be self-centered really hard.

I took a personal day today, just to clean up the house, get some homework done etc. And I've been thinking why this is so hard on me.

I met my husband when I was 18. We started dating when I was 19. He has been the only man in my life for almost a decade. He has been everything to me, my man, my hero, my everything. I once was his best friend, his everything. Then our daughter came and he changed. He was ticked that money was tight with a new little one, he was ticked that we were stationed in a horrible place, he was ticked that he had to go back to Iraq.

Instead of holding tight onto his best friend, he pushed me away in Iraq. When he got home, he was horrible. He turned into a mean-spirited man. He did everything in his power to pick fights with me so he could leave just for a couple hours. In all the fighting, I was trying desperately to help him and he kept pushing me and our baby away.

He took orders to Korea and he went there and drank away our savings. He's really proud of all the empty Jack Daniels bottles and parades around drunk pictures of himself flipping off the camera etc.

I have been watching him destroy himself and I have been trying to help him, but the more supportive I am and was, the further he pushed me away.

He blames me for our financial problems, he blames me for having post partum depression, he blames me for having anxiety issues. He blames me that gas prices are so high and he is probably blaming me cause it's raining.

I have never been rejected like this before and it sickens me that it's like I am in a victim contest with him.

Bitter, yes. Heartbroken, yes. I am mourning the loss of a wonderful man who was replaced by this evil person whom I don't know. I am mourning the loss of my once happy family and I am mourning the loss of my marriage.

It breaks my heart that he doesn't realize all the pain he is causing. Yeah, I know I've done my share of fighting back, but I've just been doing everything the Army told me to do as a wife, respect him and his privacy to not want to talk, give him distance, give him chores to do.

I gave him the distance, he thought cause I wasn't attracted to him. I gave him chores, he felt as though I was mothering him. I respected his privacy, he took to the bottle and shut himself away.

I'm sick of the one having to go to cousoling, it think it's his turn this time around. I've been in and out of shrinks trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with me. It's his turn to step up and be a man and deal with his issues like a man, not behind a bottle.

quote:

Originally posted by Kayley's Mommy:

I don't know if been in the area for long period of what base you at. Since he is in army, thinking FT Lewis... Do you friends in the area?

I'm actually in Spokane. We have a weird story as to why we are here. When we lived in GA, he got out of active duty for a while to "take a break". Went National Guard. He was stationed with the Idaho NG, which got mobilized for 18 months and that's how he ended up back in Iraq not even a year back from his first tour.

Because we are so close to the ID border, we were allowed to live in WA. Anyways, he got back, got a job at the armory (still active duty time) and was then laid off from the armory at the beginning of the fiscal year for them. He decided to go back active duty, which lead him to Korea. Instead of getting orders to somewhere else, he took Korea so he could get choice of orders. Our ticket outta here and back down south.

We agreed on Ft. Jackson, SC, Ft. Stewart, GA (where we just came from) and Ft. Carson, CO. He went behind my back and took orders to Ft. Bragg, NC.

That is why he is there and I am here. He just flat out said, I took orders here and you guys are not coming.

So, the closest base to me is Fairchild AFB. Rather worthless seeing they are Air Force and I am Army. My only contact with Army out here are the recruiters.

I have family out this way. My mom and dad live about 30 miles away, my aunt and uncle live about 6 miles from them. I have 3 really good girl friends out here, which is fine by me because I love them to death and I have about 5 really good long distance friends who are stationed else where.

We've, well, I've been here for 4 years. Same apartment! This is the longest I've ever lived in one place since childhood, being I was in the military and was/am a military wife.


I love my apartment, it's gotten a bit smaller since having our daughter seeing she requires so much junk (lol) But now that he's gotten all his junk outta here and I'm redecorating, life is getting a bit more...spread out.

My new living room will be here in week and after I have that set up, I am saving up for a new bedroom set, but that's not really a huge priority of mine seeing this one is fine, I would just like to get MY own.

The cats are mine, all the stuff is mine and I'll fight him for the stereo that he left behind.

Anyways, about the documentation...this AM we were texting, I know, I know...though I hate him with a passion, we still get along decently. Asked him about some things we're working on together and also asked if he was going to call tonight. He said yes. He didn't. I just wrote the text messages down on notebook paper, dated it, time stamped the messages and wrote that he never called. Then I went back to Monday, that was easy to do seeing he called Monday and hasn't since. And since I wrote it down, I'm not all that annoyed with the fact he blew off our daughter. I just view it as "poor him" when I have a notebook full of lies and I present them to the judge in a year or so.

That will be some major karma in my opinion.

Documenting it wasn't all that hard and it made it feel more like a business transaction then having a ton of emotions tied to it.

Yea, my heart breaks for A, but, she doesn't really know the difference because I don't tell her that Daddy's going to call, I don't pump her up to let her down, I don't mention it at all. She gets excited when HE promises and breaks them.

I wish I could figure out how to post a picture of her, she is truly the sweetest thing. How anyone could hurt her (or any child) and still consider themselves a man or a woman is beyond me.

So, what's a Washington SFV GNO? Where would this take place, I'm assuming other Washingtonian's are West Coasters?

On behalf of all the military personnel who've been "over there" I apologize that your spouse came home a different person. I'm afraid to say that most of us come back changed people. It's a different world over there and we're doing things no person should ever have to do. I'm not trying to defend your spouse or his actions, I'm just stating the obvious. I think it's sad that he isn't getting the help he so obviously needs not only for himself, but for you and your daughter as well. I actually just read a really great book regarding this exact issue. The spouse deployed and when he came home he wasn't the person that she married and he treated her horribly b/c he couldn't deal with his own feelings about what he had seen and done. It's actually fiction oddly enough, but it really made me think about things. I think the best thing you can do is be as supportive as possible, but only to the extent that it doesn't cause you any more heartache than necessary, make sure to document everything that he does or doesn't do and focus on your daughter. Regardless of what he does or doesn't do she's always going to remember who was there for her and that's going to be you.

quote:

Originally posted by My 3 boys:
On behalf of all the military personnel who've been "over there" I apologize that your spouse came home a different person. I'm afraid to say that most of us come back changed people. It's a different world over there and we're doing things no person should ever have to do. I'm not trying to defend your spouse or his actions, I'm just stating the obvious. I think it's sad that he isn't getting the help he so obviously needs not only for himself, but for you and your daughter as well. I actually just read a really great book regarding this exact issue. The spouse deployed and when he came home he wasn't the person that she married and he treated her horribly b/c he couldn't deal with his own feelings about what he had seen and done. It's actually fiction oddly enough, but it really made me think about things. I think the best thing you can do is be as supportive as possible, but only to the extent that it doesn't cause you any more heartache than necessary, make sure to document everything that he does or doesn't do and focus on your daughter. Regardless of what he does or doesn't do she's always going to remember who was there for her and that's going to be you.

Hey, thanks for your work over there. It is horribly sad he changed so much. There's only a couple things I know that happened to him and they ARE huge things to keep bottled up inside. I am honestly surprised he hasn't jumped off a bridge yet.

It just frustrates me to no end seeing how much a caring family loving man can just turn into a hateful uncaring person. I've been documenting and it's amazing to see the blank days and weeks he doesn't all or the text messages he writes me saying one thing and then he doing another. It breaks my heart for my daughter because Daddy went to war and came back different. And its a shame she will probably never meet the wonderful man I fell in love with.

What branch you in? I was in the Navy (yahoo) outta FL. Great times. That's where I met him. He was in the Navy, got out and for some stupid reason joined the Army. Guess his yearning to blow stuff up got the best of him (lol)

I'm actually in the AF but my last deployment was with the Army. The Army is a different culture completely from other branches of the service and there are a lot of things that need to change to make all branches more supportive of the emotional needs of their members. I hope that at some point your husband realizes what he's putting you and your daughter through and gets the help he needs. It might be to late to salvage the marriage but he can at least attempt a better relationship with his daughter. Good luck!!

I feel for you going through this.

I went through the same thing.
The wonderful boyfriend turned into the husband from h*ll...........

Sounds like he's got Post Traumatic Stress (how anyone can NOT have it, coming back from there....I find myself not even being able to watch or listen to the news anymore coming out of there).

Yes, very sad if there is no appropriate counselling for dealing with it. In fact, it's a disgrace!!

It might help you to read up on the subject (google). Knowledge is power!