Please help here! My son was sick all week and it was his father's weekend for visitation today. My son was at his Pediatricians office on Mon/Weds, and then at the ER Weds. nt with fevers 103/104. Thurs. he was a little better, however, I called my ex to explain what was going on and initially we both agreed he should stay home this weekend and my ex could make up the time later on. My ex lives 1.15mins away. I asked my ex if he had booked 2 drs. apts. for our son that I had asked him to do about 3wks ago. My ex has joint legal custody and my understanding is that it is his responsibility to share some of the healthcare apts. Anyway, an argument ensued, I won't get into the details, only that my ex doesn't feel he should have to bring our son to the doctors because he only sees him every other weekend. Anyway, he then recanted on leaving him home for the weekend and said he wanted to take him, only that he wanted me to call him in the morning to let him know how he was doing. I called Fri. am and reported his temp/conditions, once again my ex said he didnt' want to take him bcuz it was so cold out. Fri. afternoon my ex called stating that he wanted to come by to see how our son was doing. At this point I got angry and told my ex that if he didn't trust my judgement , that meant he thought I was lying and he should just take our son for visitation. He agreed to it until I told him that he had to go to the daycare to pick up our son. (The babysitter was sick and at the last min. Fri. am I had to call the DC and they agreed to take him for the day). He got angry and didnt' want to do this, however, I told him I was calling the DC and letting them know he would be by. My ex called back on my work phone and left a message swearing at me at this point. My ex is very abusive in this way, and the reason I did not want him to come to my home to see our son, is because of the back and forth and games that are going on. I do not want him in my home, because we don't have that kind of relationship. Please note , this is the 2nd time that my ex has taken our son when he was sick. I am now cosidering letting him know that because he does not trust what I tell him regarding our son's health, that I will assume he is taking our son even when he is ill with the exception of a serious illness. It is so unfortunate that our son has to be in the middle of this. I call this the "new" abuse, because I've never experienced anything like it. I have been talking with other's who are dealing with this also. It is particularly difficult, because it appears that the courts do not recognize this form of abuse. Please correct me if I am wrong. I would like to hear what others are experiencing and how they handle this, also, I'd like feedback on how I am handling this particular situation in telling him that he will have to take our son from now on.

Justus

I wish I had some advice for you. But if you are not comofrtable with your ex coming to you rhouse, you don't have to let him. Maybe have the pediatrician office send him a notice or send him a rreceipt if it is proof that your son is sick he is lookin gfor.

In my situation my ex will not take my daughter when she is sick. Even if she gets sick at visitation ( starts a fever) he will immediately call me to make arrangements to pick her up. Which is fine with me. I don't trust that he woud take car of her or even check her temp.

This I can tell you- abuse is abuse no matter if it is verbal calls on the phone or physical hits. And you do not have to put up with it--ever from no one!

regarding him taking the sick child or not:

My boyfriend is divorced and has his kids (age 4 and 5) every other week. All I can tell you, is that there has never been an exception to this rule, and yes, they're often sick, either one, or the other, or both. The parents pass the messages/the medicine/whatever to the other every week when they exchange the kids. Of course there would be an exception if the child is really in bed and cannot be moved, but we're talking a 10 minute car ride here, so for the 'usual' sicknesses, that is no problem.

Legally (here in France), the father does not have to take his kids (sick or not). Actually, the way it was decided in court, the father has the RIGHT to have them but not the DUTY, while the mother ALWAYS has the responsibility, even if it doesn't seem fair.

I have in the past advised whether or not I think it is a good idea or not for him to take them, but only in serious cases of illnesses where I didn't fee lcomfortable making him responsible for them. He only has them for maybe five hours as it is, so if it is minor or the normal sicknesses that go around I just let him know when he shows up at the door to take them.

Getting doctor's notes isn't a bad thing if he has issues believing you .... make sure to make a copy and give it to him and keep one for yourself if he is creating a big stink about it.