My ex lost contact withus for two months again claiming he borke up with the girlfriend and how to figure out what to do, he warned us and told us it would be awhile before he contacted us for visitation. His number is disconnected. He called from a number ( not sure if it is his or not becasue caller ID shows a different person), he called and requested visitation but will not give out a address ( we exchange at a police station for my safety).

My daughter once had to call for someone to pick her up at his old place because he and the gf got in a fight, so I being at work had to send someone to get her.

What if that happens again? When asked to give me his address he says "We will have to see about that." Would you allow visitation?

I actually had to deal with my EX and the address issue this past summer. He moves frequently and I have no idea where he resides at for the past 4 years. Well, when he picked up the boys, I refused to allow them to visit if he cannot tell me where they will be. (Our divorce decree states either parent needs to inform the other and the CSE office within 30 days if you change your residence.)

I was told by a few friends that refusing visitation may cause me to be in contempt however, he would have to take me to court and with an alcohol restriction already in the decree, I was certain he wouldn't try it.

Well, he did finally provide me with an address and several phone numbers. If I didn't stand my ground, however, he was determined to get his visitation and take them out of state to who knows where. It was very troubled since they only see him once a year and he's very distant towards them.

What was against me, was the fact my boys wanted to visit their dad and my EX had never harmed them in the past.

My advice, weigh the possibilites. If he hasn't got the money, I doubt he would take it to court.

My 2 cents......
No address.....no visitation.

quote:

Originally posted by atwitsend:
When asked to give me his address he says "We will have to see about that."

Oh, I don't like that at all. I agree with Don - no address, no visitation. Period.

I talked to my lawyer today. He said the court papers state each parent needs to keep other aware of new addresses and phone number. He said we could take him to court ( which costs) to show cause to get the address. But he also said if I withhold visitation b/c no address, I could get a petty offense possibly misdemeanor and a fine if he decides to call the police on me. He said it was my call- I have to decide whether to face the consequences of withholding visits if the worry/concern outweigh the cost.

I once had to send someone to get her at the old place because she got scared and wanted to leave. He has a medical condition just december requiring going to the hospital ( in presense of his gf's minor)He once threatened to take her and run ( causing me to get a op which I dropped eventually for phone contact). My daughter tells me all the time she doesn't want to go but by law she has to.

I cannot afford to go to court or have offense on my record ( I have never ever got in trouble with the law) but I don't want my daughter in unsafe environment in which she cannot get out.

I really don't know what to do.

I still stand by my original 2 cents, but will give another nickel's worth
When you talk to him (the father) next I would simply/nicely ask again what the new address is. If he doesn't give it to you that easily, remind him that the court order states that he is to keep you informed of current address/phone number so that you know where your daughter is staying during visitation. (granted the court order doesn't state it that way) Chances are he'll just give you the address instead of pushing the issue by refusing to comply with the court order and yet still calling the police for withholding visitation. Besides most times the police are not going to get involved in that but will just tell him he needs to take it up with the court.
With that said though, there are NO guarantees as to how the police, judge will look at this. Seen too many weird decisions and ways that individual cases were handled.
I'm guessing that's where your lawyer is also coming from. He surely can't advise you to break the court order and he is giving you the worst case scenario if you chose to do it and it all backfired on you.
Going to have to be your decision on whether to take the chance of getting yourself in trouble if he decides to adamantly refuse the address information.......
Me personally, I would take that chance.

don- thanks for the advice. It does help to get other's opinion. I will try to state it that way to him. Worst case scenario- I could let one visit go without knowing the address. And as soon as she returns to me, get in the car and have her show me where he lives, But thats alot on a little girl!

Here's another thought.....since you have to do the exchange at the police station bring your court orders and ask then that the police obtain his address prior to releasing your daughter to him.

Get the CSE office to push the issue too. I did. My EX has to report changes to them within 30 days. If you let them know he's not there... it counts as day 1!

Wow.. Illinois law is worse than mine. I guess I'm glad he has to take me to court to show contempt. The police will only document a disturbance here.

Good luck

quote:

Get the CSE office to push the issue too

Good point Tess......another way of having it dealt with without having to pay to go to court.

Here's another thought. Give your daughter a cell phone with GPS on it and you can see where she ends up online. You can get a phone with no phone service and pay for the GPS portion only... I think. At least that is what I overheard a friend do to track her cheating husband.

If you hide it well inside a backpack. No one will know it's there.

How old is your daughter?
If she doesn't want to go why not go back to the court and have visitation taken away?

My daughter is 7 now. I am truly heartbroken for her to place in that situation but I also have known the courts to do the unpredictable with my friends so that scares me.

She drew a picture at counseling last week. I did not think much of it but the counselor interpreted it" she drew a ghost and a little girl. She told her it was two friends- one friend was bad the other was there then not there- kind of invisible. And she told her that the only invisible personin her life was her dad. She has so much anger in her little head- that just now she is able to talk about in bits and bits. What if she gets to talk to the courts and says there are no problems/fears at her ada? Then it turns against me.

The counselor told me I am my daughter's voice. If she does not want to go or if I do not get a address ( b/c he has threatened to take her and run before) she agreed that I should take her or at the police station have a police officer there when I tell him without an adreess according to our papers, I am not letting her go. Then maybe she would say she doesn't want to go in front of the officer.

I would file a new petition with the court stating that your daughter doesn't want to go with him any more.
Your daughter can either testify or the counsler can for her.

quote:

What if that happens again? When asked to give me his address he says "We will have to see about that." Would you allow visitation?

HECK NO! No address? Sorry to scare you, but this is a potentially VERY bad situation. If he is reluctant to tell you where he's at, but wants to take your daughter there, it makes me suspicious of him. What if something happened and you don't even know where to tell the police to go to find her? My little girl is 7 too. You have GOT to fix your parenting plan. There is nothing wrong with revising it and saying that visitation must be supervised. And YOU can be the one who supervises it. I hate the system when it FORCES kids on a visit that terrifies them. She shouldn't have to go through that and neither should you.

Tess is so smart. I would definitely follow her advice, it makes good sense. I personally would withold visitation in the meantime, even if you have to appease him and just keep putting it off until you can get all of your eggs in your basket. My ex and I meet halfway somewhere fun usually with the kids (his son and our daughter), but he is not allowed unsupervised visitation and he's never fought it or argued with me about it- thank goodness.

I would follow Jen's advice too, you can get a counselor to testify for your daughter. I think I would do whatever I could to handle this outside of court so you don't have to deal with it, but if you have to, there might be a way to get your state to help you. I would talk to a social worker-believe me, they are on your side. PLEASE keep us updated. I will be thinking of you. You are not alone. This happens to moms (and dads) everywhere every day. Trust your instincts.
-Brenda