I received a phone call tonight that my ex-husband has passed away (27 years old). My son, who is 8, has not seen nor heard from his father in over a year but asks about him all the time. I am going to have to face him in the morning and somehow tell him about the phone call. I'm not sure how I am going to do it! I don't know what to say or how to say it. I am still very much in shock myself. I've tried putting my thoughts together but all I come up with is the look that will be on my son's face. He loved his father very much. He understands that his father has made some poor choices and had his priorities mixed up. He has asked many times to go see his father but because he moved around all the time, I was not sure where to find him. Besides, I thought it was best that since his father did not want to see him that I not push him on his father. I am feeling an awful lot of guilt right now! A couple years ago, he broke into our house and robbed us blind. Naturally, we pressed charges. I am thinking that the pressure of probation, restitution and all got to be too much for him and he decided to end his life, two weeks ago and has already been laid to rest. My son does not even have the option to see him one last time, if he wanted too. Does anybody have any suggestions as to how to tell him or what to tell him? My son and I have a really good relationship. I am so afraid that he will resent me for not being able to see his dad like he so often wanted to. I have about 5 more hours before he wakes up. If somebody could help me I would really, really appriciate it.

I will be online most of the night. Please feel free to send an instant message to TanyaL if you have any suggestions or advise.

Thank you so much!
Tanya

Well first of all I am sorry to hear about your situation, but I hope that I may be able to help a bit. Taken into account that I lost my father when I was 10 and had a solid relationship with my father, I can hopefully somewhat help. I don't know if you believe in God or a god or in heaven, and even if you don't this may be the time to introduce the idea of "a better place" where people go when they die. What I found to be effective when my mom told me at 10, my 8 yr old sister, and my 6 yr old sister, that "Daddy" went to heaven. He's in a better place now because he was hurting and now he doesn't hurt anymore, he misses you a lot, and he said that he loves you. There are many questions that you are going to be faced with. All you can do is your best. Why was he hurting? he was sick why did he leave? it was time for him to go. When will he back? You won't see him for a long long time because he is in a place that you can't travel to by car or by plane or on your bike but you will see him when you are much much older and it is your time to die. Will I die soon? Of course not! There are just some who die before early and your daddy happened to be one of them but don't worry because it won't happen to you or mommy. Mommy's here and she loves you and we will be ok. Things like that. I hope that I helped some. Keep me informed.
Melissa

Thank You Melissa!

My son took it rather well. Better than I thought anyhow. It's going to be a long bumpy road but we will make it.

Thanks,
Tanya

Having been in your situation only a year ago, where i had to inform my 15 yo son his father had passed away and that he also had missed the funeral, my advise is simple. You just sit down with him and tell him how much his father loved him, but that he passed awy. At his age, he is too young to know how he died, but take him to the cemetery to say his own goodbye to him, (this helped my son) and if you want to cry along with your son, do so and tell him how you feel about his fathers passing. This is a hard thing to do, and you loving your son the way you do , there is no wrong way of telling him.

Marcey

Hi Marcey...I wanted to welcome you to the site.

and also point out that at the top of each individual post is a date and time of which is was posted. In this case ...the post goes back to March. I know however that lots of people do come back time and time again...to revisit old threads and the advice is still helpful.

Once again, Welcome.