I've been told that I need to stop being a doormat. It's hard, especially since I have difficulty saying something without putting the other person on the defense.

After my first marriage ended in divorce, I would tell the counselor that I felt like I had given up so much of myself. Well, then I went and did it again. I would do just about anything my current ex would ask. Take her daughter to get her hair done (probably so she could spend a little extra time with her new friend), it didn't matter that I would have a class to get to or a final test to take.

Anyway, I'm very glad it's over. As I was talking with Ash the other night, the ex came on and totally vented about their day at Great America. How upset she got, about the price for parking, that her daughter bought a drink inside, and they went out to the car, and they wouldn't let her bring the drink back inside and she just started walking away, and security came up to them. Yep, she's still in the mindset of "I can do what I want, I don't have to listen to anybody". I couldn't help but have a little smile on my face. But I didn't want to hear about that stuff, I was trying to find out from Ash what she did there, the ex just totally took away any wind Ash had.

Oh well ...

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door????

Matt.

I am learning to be satisfied with just me on my own and the days/nights I have Ash. I so don't the pressure of a relationship right now, maybe never.

I can tell you this... for me personally, I might take advantage of a man who lets me walk all over him, but I will never respect him.

I probably have a more traditional view of roles than many women my age, but I want a man who is a man. I want a man who respects and listens to me, but who is responsible for the final decision. I like a man who isn't afraid to tell me he won't have any part of that and puts his foot down. Not an a$$h0le, just a MAN! I think men tend to replace their man card with sensitivity these days... and I'm just in love with a man who stands up to me!

I disagree with texas girl. No disrespect intended. You sound a little like myself we are called people pleasers. The thing is we have to learn where the line is. There is nothing wrong with being kind and sweet and going above and beyond for the person you love. Here is the problem I think. If the person does not return the favors or continues to take and take I just think that person in genarl is very selfish and this is the type of person you need to stay away from. There are plenty of women that would love a man who goes out of there way for them and would give back and not take advantage. However this is something to be aware of and on guard with yourself. I hope that makes some sense and helps a little.

Well, I definitely don't feel like I let her walk all over me. We were friends and equal partners for many years. I did make sacrifices for her later on as I felt she had done for me over the years.

Later on when things turned I was taken advantage of. I do know that. When she left I made sure it was her decision and I did nothing to coerce her or punish her for her choices. I didn't want that to be the reason she stayed. I wouldn't have wanted her around under those circumstances. I didn't own her.

I told her either stay and make this work or go but I'm going to keep on living my life as I have.

Michail,

It sounds to me like you handled it well. Given that bit of inforamtion it does not sound like you were a door mat at all. I sounds like you were trying give in your relationship and maybe she forgott to easy up when you got in the giving mood. I don't know maybe that makes some sense to you or none at all.

lol - I should have put a disclaimer on my reply:

I do not presume to hold a common or likely view. All information taken from this post should be used as a perspective and certainly not as the definitive answer to how things actually are. Above ALL, do not act on my advice or try this at home!!

Sorry, michail. I hope I didn't offend you!

No, not at all. I'm quite difficult to offend.

I don't know who said it first, but they say that failure is just one step closer to success.

So much of love and relationships is counter-intuitive. Sometimes our best intentions, done with love, actually make things worse and make the other person feel less loved. It's really weird. Then there's the mars/venus thing to deal with. I've learned (still learning) that the way I show love as a man isn't the way a woman wants to be showed love, and the way a woman shows love might not be what I desire.

It takes a lot of savvy to keep a relationship together these days. Good intentions don't seem to be enough anymore. Both sexes really have to understand the other and keep looking toward the future.

quote:

Originally posted by texasgirl~jones:
I can tell you this... for me personally, I might take advantage of a man who lets me walk all over him, but I will never respect him. I probably have a more traditional view of roles than many women my age, but I want a man who is a man. I want a man who respects and listens to me, but who is responsible for the final decision. I like a man who isn't afraid to tell me he won't have any part of that and puts his foot down. Not an a$$h0le, just a MAN! I think men tend to replace their man card with sensitivity these days... and I'm just in love with a man who stands up to me!

Once upon a time that would've offended me, but I've grown out of it. I now believe that a good man knows what it takes to be a good man, and doesn't need a woman to tell him : )

I think it's great you know what you want and are honest about it.