OK, so for a long time I had nightmares dealing with my ex. I haven't had them for a while but last night I had the worst one of all. I woke up crying! I dreamt that my ex came back, picked Kai up from school(which can't happen because he's not on the list) and took her away from me. Like I could hear here but not see her. I dont know how to get into more detail but I was freaking out! Then today I found out that a friend's boyfriend works with his family. They hang out together!!!! I dont know how to get my ex out of my head but if anyone has any suggestions, they would be helpful. Thanks.

Sorry to hear about your scary dreams Smshy. I don't know you or your situation very well but - are there things that you need to take care of or clarifications that could be made to make you feel more at ease?

Well, here's my story: ex left when I was 6 months pregnant and haven't heard from him since then. He was emotionally abusive which is part of the reaon relationship suffer with me these days. Anyway, I got rid of the last of his stuff in my house yesterday but I now have to clean out my storage unit since the lease is up and guess what . . . lots of his stuff is in there. He never came back to get it. Some of it's nice but most of it I will probably throw away or give away. I dread having to go through his things. I guess in the back of my mind I am scared that he will come back and try to do something to turn my life upside down. I have a very big fear of that happening!

Smshy - I understand your worries. Going through his things and recently realizing he's not that far away (friends with your friends) may be like re-hashing everything. Did you not have any type of closure with him? He just left and never returned? Does he even have the option of returning to see Kai? I mean legally?

I think if you can get through getting rid of his belongings and try to find some type of closure, you may feel better.

I think I agree with MJ. Once you get rid of his things might help give you some closure and be able to move on easier. Sounds like you are moving and that might help a great deal aslo.
I do have lots of prayers for you.

Sadly only time will get rid of the dreams, weird as it maybe its like the minds safty valve. Its like the "what ifs" are amplifided. Fortunatly we forget most dreams on waking.

MJ, he has no legal right to Kai whatsoever. Not on the birth certificate and I talked to the local Prosecuting Attorney before I even had Kai and she said that he would have to file a Petition with the Court, get blood tests ordered, etc. First he has to find me.

If he hasn't contacted you yet, you may be safe from him forever. I have heard that in Indiana, if the father doesn't petition the courts by age 2, he has no rights...? Never seen it in writing but that's what I have heard. Does he live in the same town?

Last I knew he lived about 3 hours away with his parents at the ripe old age of 31. He wasn't the best person to have in my life - i.e. drugs, no job and emotionally abusive. In the State of Michigan they passed a law stating that even if the father/mother signs off their rights, they have to pay child support until that child is adopted by someone -i.e. stepmom/stepdad. Kai's dad said if he had to pay, he wanted rights. So I said are you going to do what's best for her or you, he said for him, so I said buh-bye. The thing with kai's dad is that his family knows friends of mine and i see them when I go out. I have nothing against them, they are great, it's kai's dad i have a problem with. I have been thinking of moving away from Michigan to get away from the whole kai's dad issue and move on with things. Dont know if that's going to happen sooner or later yet.

The fact that he's Never contacted you since you split means he has absolutely no rights to her in my opinion. If I were in that situation, I'd be scared as well.

Moving out of state would be a relief for you. But aren't you close to your family? (I know not your stepmonster but your mom and dad and brother?)

LOL you would think so. My older brother and sister live in Kentucky (military), my little sister has her own life with her loser boyfriend, my little brother . . . well, let's just say he calls for money and stops by to eat. My dad is about the only person I'd miss. My mom has been flaky and doesn't care much about anyone but her in the last year or so. Long story there. I dont have a problem moving away from family. I can always visit. I have thought about this for a long time. I think that by the end of next year, if not sooner, I want to get out of Michigan and on my own where I dont need to rely on anyone but me.

If you asked Kai's dad he would tell you he has all the rights in the world. He's an ***.

Of course - he sounds like he is the type that wouldn't listen to the facts or legalities. A know it all that can have whatever he wants.

It makes sense wanting to move away then. I have my own place but am very close to my family. I plan to move away (only an hour away) next year. Something about not needing to rely on anyone - and proving 'hey I can do this without relying on anyone.' But nope - don't think I could move out of state. My children are so attached to our family.

Well Kai is young enough where I think we could survive. She does, however, say Papa over and over again when we pull in the driveway. It's so damn cute! My family is full of so much drama that it's just ridiculous. I need a low-drama level life.

I definitely understand. My son is five and my daughter is two. I've wanted to move for awhile now. Everyone in my family is so hustle bustle stressed all the time-something going on constantly. I love them dearly and we are very attached. I can move an hour but feel that it is very important for my children to be able to visit our families at least once a week.

Well that's good for your family. LOL, if you only knew mine you'd understand more why I want to move away. Someday maybe I'll find the words to explain, but not today. My brain is already on overdrive.