Am I being unreasonable to ask my ex for contact info after work hours so the kids can get in touch with him or in case of an emergency? After I stopped letting him come here at free will, he moved out of the motel where he had been staying (it was a money issue) and has been staying God knows where. He promised he would come here Saturday to stay with the kids while I was away for the day with my daughter but did a no show/no phone call. Sunday same deal, promised the kids to go to the pumpkin patch, they waited all day, no dad, no way to track him. He doesn't carry a cell. Of course by this time the kids are frantic, thinking something has happened. I know better and tried to reassure them as best as I could without coming out directly and saying he's probably with someone else. When I finally got a hold of him at work yesterday, he refused to tell me where he is staying and still didn't talk to the kids or come to see them last night. He did leave them a message before he left work saying he'd call back after they got home from the dentist but never did. This morning before school,my daughter called him up at work hysterical asking him where he is, why he won't see them or tell them where he is. Still no answers. Now I'm P****D! I've actually been quite calm and getting used to being alone in the past week, it's been quite peaceful with out him but this morning I've lost my cool again because of how upset the kids are and his ignorance. I feel like going over to his work (he works 3 minutes away from here) and causing a scene until he tells me where he can be reached but I know this is probably the worst thing I could do. I'm just so freakin' (for lack of being able to use other words!) mad right now, I can feel my blood pressure going through the roof. ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!! Is it me???

It's NOT unreasonable.

But instead, leave him a message at work....something to the effect of...." You know, the more you choose to have no contact with us, including not having a contact number for you, the more we'll learn to live without you."

Then leave him alone.....if you act like your desperate, then u will be leaving him in control.
Instead take a minute to jot down alternative forms of emergency contacts including places where you can leave a message for him, if you have to.

But other than that, just ignore him completely.

I know that's hard....hang in there.

Storming the gates will get you know where girl, when next you see him tell him to call every other day. Explain how worried and upset the kids get.

Nope, it's not you. I absolutely detest my ex and wouldn't **** on her to put her out if she was on fire would happily never see or speak to her again....but she has my home number and how to contact me. It's essential. Parents are still parents, whether or not they get along.

quote:

Originally posted by binarian:
wouldn't **** on her to put her out if she was on fire would happily never see or speak to her again....

Binarian,

Thank you. You actually got a laugh out of me with that and that's no easy feat today!

That's what I've told him. As a parent, I have to know where to be able to reach him. I have no desire to check up on him or follow him, he isn't worth it but if something were to happen to me or the kids the closet person I have to contact besides him is a 2 hour drive away from me.

Exactly. The best way to put it to him is, as Lurch said, to make him aware of how upset the kids get. He's GOTTA care about that.

quote:

Originally posted by binarian:
wouldn't **** on her to put her out if she was on fire

That is the funniest damn thing! LMAO

Mom-2-4, I am sorry you are having to deal with this. It is unfortunate and I hope he comes to his sense.

I'm sorry you and the kids have to go through this...

My son's father was never really in the picture and seldom would call with new contact info. I have a note of where his family can be reached. Thankfully, I've never had to call, but I do check the numbers yearly to make sure they are still in service.

quote:

Originally posted by Caitlin:
but I do check the numbers yearly to make sure they are still in service.

You could make crank/prank phone calls. Just a thought....

Hi Mom-2-4

Well, it has been over 6 years since i have dealth with that, so I understand how you feel and it is not unreasonable.

I put up with it for about 10 years or so and then decided that my quality of life was more important than to be put through that, with the constant worry and I gave him chances after chances...then i realized he didn't want to change for us, so I made the changes for everybody...

If I may, 2 Suggestions:

1) Get him a pre-paid phone (can get them for about $20.00, and a $20.00 phone card.) For a total investment of $40, the kids can contact him, either thru voicemail or text, and having one of the kids(if old enough) drop it off to him at work, letting him know that in case if THEY want to contact him, he can check it.

2) Part of my decree, was that if plans are made, after 1/2 hour, and no call / no show, the children/parent are able to continue with other plans. That way the children don't have to wait and wonder for an extended period of time, can be challenging at times, but have found it best for them. Puts their focus on something else other that being "abandoned"

sorry for rambling

Hey if you are making prank calls...I've got a few to add to it! I needed a laugh tonight.

Mum I would want the contact info as well. As a parent he should want the kids to have a way to contact him if they needed him.

hi, i just learned something that may help..i learned that when our releationship is going through a rough patch..ex releationship that is...the more it is difficult for him to contact the kids because he feels the tension from me and it makes him NOT want to call because of that...THAT is what will leave a hole in him visiting/calling the kids..your and his tension..hope this helps. Paige

i have givin up on my x. my kids have stopped asking to talk to thier mom. she made promises to call them night after night the oldest waited. i even kept him up late hoping she would call so he wouldnt feel heart broke. Now its when ever she calls she calls. what ever most the time she calls high off her *** round 10 pm the kids are sleeping by then. i just tell her if she calls when the boys are awake she can talkk but i aint waking them up so she can talk to them.

No you are not being unreasonable. My ex carries a cell and that is the only number I have for him. My ex never calls his children the oldest calls him and sometimes he does not answer his phone. I just realize that sooner or later they will realize he is not worth the effort.