I have been dating my boyfriend for three years now and what kills me is that she (his ex) wont move on with her life. She is the one who was having the affairs, treated him like dirt and now that he has moved on SHE cant seem to let go. Its hard when there are children involved you really cant cut them out of your life but God help me. She is a bitter miserable person who made her bed and now refuses to lie in it.

Hello and welcome to SFV.

I have two thoughts for you.
First, his ex may be as bad as you think, but remember that there are two sides to every story. You didn't list specific examples of what she's done so it's hard for me to tell if she's just doing things that ex's often do or if she's really crossing the line.

Second, she's the mother of his children. You're stuck with her being around to some extent. It's more about how HE deals with it that effects you. He has a responsibility to communicate with her about the kid, but doesn't have to tolerate any BS beyond that. Maybe you should talk to him about what he can do to keep it stricly about the kids when he deals with her. If he sets clear boundaries with her and checks her when she crosses the line, then things might be easier for you.

I totally agree with you. Let me give you a perfect example, the psycho did a background check on me because she claimed that she had a right to know who was being brought around her kids BUT when she can have a boyfriend have him around at dinner, bed time and plans outings with him. Unfortunately whenever WE do that she calls him cussing him out with the whole how dare you attitude and it just cracks me up that its good enough for her but not for him. She guilts the kids when the spend time with their father. And let me tell you he is great dad he wants whatever time she gives him. She also makes them feel bad for liking me or my children. Its so silly she is 34 years old. I know for a fact that she was the cheater because she willing admitted this to me so regardless of two sides to every story I know for a fact that she chose to ruin and give up on her marriage. My attitude is if you ruined the relationship you let it go and move on. She refuses to let anything go its childish.

She sounds like a real treat. You have my sympathy. I think my second suggestion is important. I hope your boyfriend can create some comfortable boundaries with her for your sake.

Wow that's crazy!!! Well I hope things get better for you I have had to deal with a physio ex in the past and it's not fun at all. Ya I totally agre if she runied the relationship then she should let it go!!!

Thank you ladies and yes he has created boundaries but she is a real weirdo. You can only do so much especially when there are children involved. Its sad because the kids are the innocent bystanders. Thankfully it has not affected our children.

Andrik, why are you calling her names? I admit, I don't know exactly what this is like, from your POV, your anger seems over the top to me. Just MHO. There's something else here.

Oh please dont tell me that having someone do a background check on you is not upsetting. She has all of my personal information, she is a nut job and its very frustrating since she is the one who created this entire situation. She needs to let it go and live her own life. Honestly what does she care who he is with its over! This situation could have been handled in a different manner but she chose to be immature and childish about it.

Unless your placed in this situation you can never understand why anyone would want to go to this extreme. I have never done this to my ex, why should I unless I still cared, which I dont. Life is too short to create such drama and trust me being a single mother of two boys that is drama enough.

Unless you are put in this situation I cant expect people to understand. I am a single mother of two boys and trust me that is drama enough. I dont need her adding to it. I would never dream of ever doing this to my ex why would I, that is why he is my ex so I dont have to worry about him anymore. He is no longer my business but some people just cant let it go and trust me I am not pinning it on just the females there are men that are wack jobs too!

I can TOTALLY sympathize with your situation. I dealt with that **** in my previous relationship. I don't have any great advice since the relationship is over now...obviously it didn't work out. But I wish you the best, hon.

wow, I can't even say cr*p? I want my 25 bucks back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...okay now I swear I'm done with the "25 bucks" jokes.

I totally and completely disagree with you. My ex left me for another man and thought that she was going to raise my son with him. I took her to court and won full custody of my son. Do you know what about 75% of my case was??? His background and criminal history. Never once did I state she was unfit nor did I belittle her in any way, but I refused to let my son live with a 3 time convicted felon/drug dealer with a current order of protection and an aggravated battery of a peace officer charge.

Maybe you don't think that it is her right, but she is that child's mother and knowing who is going to partake in the raising of that child IS her business regardless what you have to say. I am sorry that you feel she is invading your life, but you also have to realize you put yourself in that situation. If you want a responsibility over HER child, then be prepared to be scrutinized by her.

Let's say for instance your ex had your 2 children and he became involved with a woman you thought a bit suspicious....would you check her out?? I know, your answer is no, so let's throw out that she does something horrible that effects your children's life for the worse....then you find out that she has had a search warrant on her in 3 states for issues that happened prior to her involvement with your ex....You would be beside yourself....Just chalk it up as better safe than sorry, and get over it.

If you want a life with this man, you take him and everything that comes with him, and in this case, that includes his children's mother. It is obvious that you have already had encounters with this woman, and I may suggest to you that you should turn the other cheek and try to be the bigger person, otherwise this will never end....

-J

Still dont agree with you. I would NEVER check out my ex's mate, he is a grown man who can make decisions for himself. Respect goes both ways and as long as she does not lay a hand on my boys physically I'm good. II talk alot with my boys and they know what is acceptable touching. I would never attempt to parent my boyfriends children that is HIS job not mine and I would never allow my boyfriend to parent my boys. They have a father and a mother, I would only be a friend to them nothing else. Who am I to pass my beliefs or parenting on HIS kids sorry it doesnt work that way. Its hard to date someone with kids but as long as you respect the other person its not your place to parent their children, that's wrong. Trust me I do not interact with her at all, but everytime that she gets the opportunity to make an insult she does. I wont give her the satisfaction of responding to her but just having to deal with it is ridiculous.

As for the background check....I wouldn't care. I don't see anything wrong with a parent wanting to know who is spending so much time around their children....it's a crazy world out there sometimes.

If there are other insults and direct aggravations going on that is different but I'll give you credit for not stooping to her level with responses. Maybe in time she'll give up trying to intimidate you.