First of all, respect is not given it is earned. You can respect him and still want the best for your child. You are putting a lot of trust in your ex that he would never allow anything to happen to your child. Maybe I am overprotective, but if I have suspicions of ANYONE that will come into contact with my son, I will research them.

Would you check on a daycare that was watching your child?? How about a new babysitter?? Than why should this be any different? ****, I do small background checks on any woman that I get involved with. At least to make sure they are not on the "*** offender" list, and to make sure they haven't been convicted of violent crimes...Maybe I am overprotective, but it's better safe than sorry.

Personally, I have no problems with anyone running a background check on me....Of course my record is squeaky clean, so there is nothing to hide.

And whether you attempt to parent your BF's children or not, as an adult role in their life and as their daddy's significant other, you ARE effecting their lives and their beliefs regardless what you claim. That is inevitable.

-J

quote:

Originally posted by andrik777:
I have been dating my boyfriend for three years now and what kills me is that she (his ex) wont move on with her life. She is the one who was having the affairs, treated him like dirt and now that he has moved on SHE cant seem to let go. Its hard when there are children involved you really cant cut them out of your life but God help me. She is a bitter miserable person who made her bed and now refuses to lie in it.

Andrik, I have read through all of your responses and am wondering what makes you think that she hasn't moved on. It sounds like she has a new relationship. The bigger question I have is -- if she has moved on, why is she questioning YOU and YOUR relationship with him? I think there is more to the story. Were you a part of the picture when they initially seperated? Maybe it is simply YOU she doesnt approve of because of skeletons that she knows about YOU. Maybe if he was with someone new (and not you) she wouldn't appear to be so involved. Likewise, It doesnt sound like you are very accepting of his situation. Maybe you should move onto the next relationship. I noticed that you were looking for a place to meet single dads in one of your other posts. Where did you meet this boyfriend that you currently have now? I think you should stop blaming her when you need to blame your self and your boyfriend first. Maybe your relationship is the problem -- not the Ex-wife.

It sounds like you're really upset about this whole situation and sometimes when we're that upset about things we aren't thinking logically. I know that I have conerncs about who my ex has around my boys, now I'm not going to go to the extent of a full background check but I do ask him questions about them. I'm in no way interested in a restarting a relationship with him, but I am interested in who my children will be interacting with when they are with him. Likewise he is with people that I may potentially date. I've only had one serious relationship since our divorce and to be honest it took me quite a while to let him around my kids. Not b/c I was worried about what may happen but b/c I didn't want my children to become attached to someone I wasn't sure about. You made the comment somewhere that you weren't raising his children and he wasn't raising yours, however, anytime another adult has a relationship with your children they are leaving an impression. I think that instead of being so upset with her you should ask him what her real concerns are regarding you and then address them yourself. That's what I would do. Maybe you are right and maybe she isn't over him, but if you continue to be this upset then it's only going to cause your relationship to suffer. Good luck.

quote:

Originally posted by Trey's Daddy:
First of all, respect is not given it is earned. You can respect him and still want the best for your child. You are putting a lot of trust in your ex that he would never allow anything to happen to your child. Maybe I am overprotective, but if I have suspicions of ANYONE that will come into contact with my son, I will research them.

Would you check on a daycare that was watching your child?? How about a new babysitter?? Than why should this be any different? ****, I do small background checks on any woman that I get involved with. At least to make sure they are not on the "*** offender" list, and to make sure they haven't been convicted of violent crimes...Maybe I am overprotective, but it's better safe than sorry.

Personally, I have no problems with anyone running a background check on me....Of course my record is squeaky clean, so there is nothing to hide.

And whether you attempt to parent your BF's children or not, as an adult role in their life and as their daddy's significant other, you ARE effecting their lives and their beliefs regardless what you claim. That is inevitable.

-J

I agree 100% with Joey on this. I don't understand why you are so offended by the background check and why you think that by doing that it means that she still has feeling for him. I will check out EVERYONE that my ex has around my kids, and believe me I have moved on!! I think you may be taking things a little personally when she is really just looking out for her children's safety. I am in kinda the same situation only I am the "physco ex wife." If I call my ex then she thinks I am trying to get him back when in reality I just telling him about Sam's t ball game. She thinks I don't trust them because I won't let them take the kids 1000 miles away for a week. Well ya know what, NOBODY takes my kids that far away from me, and I am in the position to say that because I have custody. I guess my point is that there is always two sides to the story!