This is my first time on here and first pregnacy, so please bare with me. I was dating a guy for 8 months when i found out 3 weeks ago that he was seriously dating another woman who i knew nothing about. We stopped speaking with each other because of that, until 4 days later I found out I was pregnant. He told me the next day that he made the other girl his girlfriend, and that he was going into the Army in march. I asked him to stay until the baby is born, but he said that he is finacilly unstable and this is the best decision for him. . . . He also told me that he'll be gone for 4 years, but will send me money. Me and this guy are not an item, and I would never be with a man who is a cheater, lier, and would up and leave his family.
I am 22 years old, have my own place, nice job, and am a proffesional woman who can support myself and a child on my own. I have a wonderful support system; including my parents and many many girlfriends, 3 of which are single parents.
My dilema is this. . . . . there are days when i am extremely happy about having a child, pick out names, and discuss baby things with my girlfriends. But there are other days when i am scared and insecure about being a single parent, both mentally, physcially and emotionally. I was raised in a single family home and watched my father struggle; i always wanted to get married before I had a child. I know its early in my pregnacy and abortion is still an option. I feel guily for considering it, but those are my feelings and i cant deny them.
Everyone tells me to "Do whats best for me" But i have no idea what that is. . . . . . I have NO IDEA what to do, please help!!!!!

Welcome to the site. I was in your same spot not long ago. You have to make the decision that is right for you, no one can make it for you. While I was pregnant I also had days that I was happy and days where I was unsure. That is natural. You have to search within yourself for the answer.

Everyone is right that it's your decision. Surely it isn't an easy decision, would be much easier if there was an absolute right one that everyone could just tell you but no one else can really know what's right for you.
Really, I just wanted to add that if you do decide to have this baby I would not trust this sort of person who was already a liar. Meaning just because he says he'll send you money doesn't mean that he will, so I would suggest filing for child support through the courts. You can do that through your local child support enforcement agency without having to pay for lawyers etc.

Kudos for having your own place and being able to support a child as well. Most 22 year olds are nowhere close to that independent.

I would normally berate you for having been irresponsible in risking becoming pregnant with someone who has not demonstrated an ability to accept his part in the possible consequences, but you have the means to deal with them on your own. That's better than most.

Unfortunately, the longer the pregnancy progresses, the fewer options you will have. So, you have to weigh them while you still have time. Form a budget. Can you really raise a child on your own? What about child care? Do you know other single moms who can form a support system for you? How supportive is your family (emotionally and financially)? Have you considered having the child and giving it up for adoption?

Do not, for one second, assume ANY support from the child's father. DO file for all the support you can get. Do not become involved with him again. Remember that if you keep the child to term, he most likely WILL have parental rights to visitation. Furthermore, depending on the jurisdiction, he may be able to stop an abortion (though I am not certain on this).

You're smart enough to be independent at 22, but panicked because of something you can not control. You should therefore write down all your options, the financial and emotional repurcussions of each, discuss them with those you trust, and make a decision.

Some young women I've known (well, 20+ years ago), had abortions without a care, and others were devestated. All I can suggest is that it is far easier to raise a family with two supportive parents, and a financial cushion of several years working before having kids.

I had a similar decision to make not that long ago, although my circumstances were quite different than yours.

If you can afford it, I highly recommend a few sessions with a counselor to work out your options. Pros and Cons of each choice, along with the long-term ramifications socially, emotionally, financially and intellectually. You've still got time to make a decision, so take some time to breathe and discuss your options fully with your loved ones and professionals, and I'm sure you'll come to the right decision for you.

If he is enlisting in the Army, the child will be a dependent of his and will be entitled to benefits (medical, dental) also, his pay will be garnished for child support.

Make sure you keep an eye on him so that once he hits boot camp, you can get in touch with the recruiter and get everything going. You will not be entitled to anything unless you marry him. Your child, though, will. Don't be offended if you have to do paternity testing, usually that's the case.

Good Luck


(Army Wife for 6 years, Navy Vet...blahblahblah)

As a few people mentioned, you still have a little while to make a decision. I found out when I was 8 weeks and had the same thoughts that you are having now. I talked to my mom, who told me that she had an abortion in college, and would support me no matter what I chose. It's also great that you're so financially stable and have a good support system. I have a great support system through my family and I have a fairly decent job (I'm a teacher), but I am still going to stay with my mom for the first year just because I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to having a child. I'm 22 as well, and you seem very put together, which is great. Going to see a counselor is a great idea. They would be able to help you sort out the things you are concerned about.

quote:

you still have a little while to make a decision.

ah but if you read it, the date of the initial post was early January - so 5-1/2 months along if she is still pregnant...