Ok, so I'm finally going to gather the stuff up that she left behind. It's been way to long and I need to do it, to get it out of the house.

I'm considering taking some of it with me tonight when I go to pick up Ash.

I also want to ask for my table back. I have her grandma's antique table, which I don't want and is just as big if not bigger than my table. I just don't have a vehicle that either table will fit in. Although, I do have a friend that has a van.

Good for you...clear the clutter...clear your mind.
I hope all goes well.

Well it didn't go so well. Not when I told her I would be bringing her stuff over, and that I wanted to swap tables.

She now wants her furniture, which will leave me and Ash with nothing to sit on, until I can replace it.

Big big big bad fight via e-mail. But in a way I guess it was good. We both need to get our stuff back, so that these fights don't happen again.

Now, I just need to go face to face with her. Yay, just wish it could be toe to toe ...

Just getting uglier as the day progresses.

I'll be so glad when it's over.

I'm such an ***.

I never should have emailed her today. I just get so sick tired of feeling like everyone else gets what they want, and I get stuck with ****. That I'm not supposed to be upset because she took a book from my house (during the time I asked her to stop in and check on my cat), so that Ash could work on a project (which she hasn't started yet, and now she'll be with me for the next 5 nights).

She ditches Ash, and leaves her with her friend, so she can take her older daugther to a job fair, really no reason why she couldn't take Ash, other than she didn't want to be bothered by her.

But, I've blew up in email at her today, and she at me. All because I mentioned I wanted to start bringing her stuff to her. She blew it out of proportion and now we'll see where it goes, if she actually comes to get her couch or not. If not, then I take it to her next weekend, when I don't have Ash. I just don't want her in my house again. I think part of that is the reason she took offense. That she won't have the garage opener anymore. Ah, the feeling of taking back control in my life. I just realized that's what this is.

I still don't like how it ended up though. I wish I could talk with her without fighting. I don't know how, either because of her, or because of the way I am. Maybe I'm more of a jerk than I think.

HEH...Try fighting about property with someone that you foolishly allowed to be put on the deed of your house. Try spending $400 getting all new locks and reinforced deadbolts throughout your house. Try coming home and 1/2 of your possessions are missing and having to call the police at 2AM....Try being told by the police that if she breaks into your house, there is nothing they can do about it....

It never is a good situation. I would recomend that you make a list, and record EVERYTHING that you give to her. EVERYTHING....The reason I say this is so that you will have record of what she has taken so that when it gets ugly and she threatens court or something ignorant, you have your own documentation handy. I know that it's hard, but pack it all up, and do it nicely. Be very careful with her things as to not break them, and set them in a remote area. Then when they are all packed, alert her to come get them or take them to her, and make note of the dates and times.

The reason to make notes of dates and times is because Trey's mother complained that she "needed" her things immediately and yet once they were packed up and ready to go, she let them sit, even though I would remind her about them weekly...Six months later, she got a letter from my attorney stating that she would be paying storage fees if the items weren't gone in two weeks. Low and behold she came to my house, picked up her stuff, and threw 1/2 of it in my trash LOL....Guess it wasn't so important after all.

Wow. My ex isn't quite like that, because she's stated that she doesn't want me to say anything stupid again (like you're talking about with the being ignorant), which I have.

I think it's cooled down, at least for now. I'm still taking stuff to her tonight and will pack up what ever else I can find/think of.

She's allowing me to keep the couch, but as far as I'm concerned, as soon as I can replace it, I will.

She won't trade tables because she doesn't have chairs to go with her grandma's table (she thinks they are broke). So she would rather keep my dad's table (because I don't need it right away) and my grandmas' chairs that have rungs that keep falling out, so ... broken.

I just want her out of my life. Yet I don't. I knew all my stuff today was a reaction to her taking a vacation next month. She can't understand why I'd be upset with it, I go out of town all the time, like this past weekend, without Ash. Um, lady, it has nothing to do with Ash (ok a little, that she never takes a vacation and when she does it's just her and maybe her friend). It has to do with the fact that you are doing something we would have done. Is she upset that I go out of town? No. So why am I, she asks. Ummm, gee, I've been doing the trivia trip for years, you, this is your first vacation without me.

Arrghh, I can't get it out of my head. She's going on vaca. to spend that special time with someone and is either capable of forcing us out of her head, or her friend tells her not to think of it. I know I have no control, there's nothing I can do. It would be so much easier though if it wasn't the person she did something with a year ago.

Guys, really, I know I have no control over her. I never should have tried to have control. I can only control myself and my actions.

I think the fight today did some good. Allows me to at least be able to bear that she will be going on vacations with someone else from now on. I just need to find a different way to let it out, instead of spraying her with all my pent up anger and inadequacies.

N4J,

Some good friends of mine, happily married, has the perfect answer to your perdictament... I think.

His wife went on a 2 month vacation in another country, leaving him home to dwell alone in their home. After a month, I stopped by to see if everything was okay and he was eating something 1/2 way healthy. Well, he had a river raft blown up in the middle of the living room, the refridgerator consisted of beer and pizza, and fishing gear taken apart ontop the dining table for cleaning.

Ummm... what am I trying to say... well... she doesn't live there anymore so if you want an indoor slip and slide...go for it! There is also some sort of dance party thing for game systems that get my children tired... great fun exercise! The best thing is... nobody's watching!

Well just some ideas....

EWWW DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION!!!!! I actually broke out my dance pads on Saterday as I was bored...LMFAO.....Also, you can do Hip Hop Abs....That'll wear you out too LMFAO

how is that working out for you

N4J,
I know you have so much pain in your heart. You seem to have really loved your ex. I wish this was easier. Try to remember that you are a really good guy. A good father. A caring man. You are valuable and when you are ready there will be women who will cherish you. It's awesome you're giving her stuff back. It's another step in moving forward. It's good for her to know that you can fight back in an email war because you are angry....I'm giving you a
pat on your back!!!!! *pat* Did you feel it?

Tess,

Thank you that made me laugh, I had thought about getting the dance pad for my daughter. I just might for sure now.

Pink,

I didn't realize how much I really cared for her until she was gone. However, our relationship was pretty volatile, lots of arguing and yelling. We could never find any middle ground. While I realize that I love her, I can't accept her back because of all the pain over the years and especially this past year. I have to start living by my own words and stop wasting energy on her.

She said she misses me, and I think that she's not yet ready to accept the finalization yet, hence her fighting me.

I haven't given anything to her yet. It's going to be this weekend. She's also agreed to let me keep the couch, until I can replace it. With money from a side job coming up, that should be easy to do.

Also, I've called my employee assistance program, and asked for help in finding a counselor. I need help so I can stop giving in to her. My personality is one that tries to find a win/win. But like my mom mentioned last night, she still fights me and I still give in. Nothing will change on that front, so I need help in changing myself. Like they say, insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting a different result each time.

Thank you all for your support

quote:

Thank you that made me laugh, I had thought about getting the dance pad for my daughter. I just might for sure now.

You're welcome. I've been trying to get faster so I can beat my son on the dance pad. So far no luck.... my son has super feet!

Bet you could surprise your daughter...

N4J I thought of you last night. I have been cleaning things out here and came across a pile of printed e-mails from my ex begging me to take him back in 2001. (yea, I should probably clean more often ) There were lots of photos of him and his daughters.

Do I send them to him? Do I throw them away? Do I save them in case I am ever too happy and need a reason to cry? Even though he's been gone 3 years, reading his words that proclaimed his "forever love" is brutal. I really feel your pain (sorry that sounds so cliche) when I read your posts.

Eh, things are back to some sense of normalcy now. I picked up Ash from her last night, and saw a birthday present wrapped on her table (my dad's table LOL), and I know she has off today, so I figure it's her friends b-day today.

Anyway, I haven't even begun to pack her stuff up yet, and after my big blow up the other day. Been tired at night, and have just been trying to pre-occupy myself by doing a little cleaning and taking care of Ash. After she's gone to bed, I just crash on the couch for an hour or two, then I hit the bed.

I just don't know if I should be packing up her stuff in front of Ash. I know she moved out in front of her (Ash is a tough cookie about all this, she doesn't appear to be adversely affected - which I'm very thankful for). I think tonight is the night I start packing it up, after Ash goes to bed. Then it's just a matter of working out the best time to take it over to her this weekend.