So, my exhusband called me today. He wanted to let me know that he's going to the town where we honeymooned and eating at "our" restaurant. Oh, and that he broke up with his fiancee because he came to the realization that he will always and forever love me, his darling sweetheart, love of his life, and that he will always be MINE.

Lucky me.

Jeeeez! Speaking of guilt, Jaylee, why am I feeling so ridiculously guilty and horrible over the awkward silence and "ok, ummm, I'll talk to you later" that followed his confessions of true love.

All this coming from a man who kidnapped my children and drove them 10 hours away from me to a new state and a new city, then took me to court and is trying to get me declared an unfit mother!!!!!! Still, I find it impossible to blame him for his craziness and somehow its still MY FAULT.

Gadzooks Jonesy - what did you say?

Far too little... far too late.

Buh bye. *click*

I said... "ummmmm.... ok! I'll talk to you later!"

then hung up.

This is the same man who told me only a few months ago that he wished he never met me. and I'M the bipolar one!!

Wow......he needs a head doctor!

See the problem here is that you need to start finding the humor in this stuff folks and start having fun...
Next time he calls try this...

Oh honey thats great lets get back together and have some more babies.....
This time can we take a cruise for our honeymoon so we can take a moonlite walk on the upper deck so I can whack you in the head with a whiskey bottle and throw you over board.....
Is your life insurance up to date sweetie pie....
Baby I can't wait.....hello hello....

Maybe I know why you feel bad and it makes no sense. My ex is the same way. He would love to have it all back. Tells me the same thing all the time love of his life bla bla bla. But yet he walked all over me abused me took me for granted. Had two different girlfriends at two different times during our marriage of course I did not find out until I threw him out.

I think it's so easy to look at all the good things about a marriage and just want that without the bad stuff. And then comes the questions has he changed is he capable of change. You morn for the relationship that once was and your heart aches for what should have been.

However that does not mean it can be. I know that all to well. I would not go back for anything. I have thought about it and thought maybe he changed. The relaity of it, is I think he would fall back into the same pattern maybe not next week or next month or next year but eventually. There is not way in he** I will go through this again. I am still putting my heart back together and once I get it repaired there is no way I will let the same person tear it apart again. "Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me"

I know what you're saying, Butterfly - I know EXACTLY what you're saying.
For me, being "codependent" (haha - yay me!), I am all too ready to blame myself and forgive and let people back into my life... not always the brightest plan, however, and I'm sorry later, usually.

But... that said, I have enough FACTS - written down and recorded, that I can look back on and think, NO, THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT FOR MY LIFE.

Still, part of me - the whacky part - thinks on some level that I should take care of him and take him back...

sigh...

I understand what you are saying about wanting to take him back and take care of him. Seems we have a lot in common.

NO GUILT HERE!! Self preservation!!
Along with guilt I have a great deal of experience with Psycho Ex Husbands that "LOVE YOU" ~ I have a restraining order against mine that after three years & two violations of the order where he threatned to f'n kill me & f'n cut my head off but still "LOVES ME SO MUCH he can't live w/out me"...THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE WORD MEANS!!! Any man that does that to you & your children does NOT LOVE YOU & does not have the capacity to know a good thing when he has it!! I also have a feeling there is more to this breaking up with his fiance than his story depicts and he is trying to regain some control...so he goes to the old standby..YOU!! RUN GIRL RUN....I am completely in agreement w/ HB here:
______________________________________________
Oh honey thats great lets get back together and have some more babies.....
This time can we take a cruise for our honeymoon so we can take a moonlite walk on the upper deck so I can whack you in the head with a whiskey bottle and throw you over board.....
Is your life insurance up to date sweetie pie....
Baby I can't wait.....hello hello....[/QUOTE]

Hit him with whatever is at hand....Throw him off the top of something...BUT DO NOT EVER TAKE HIM BACK TO "TAKE CARE OF HIM".
Why b/c you are NOT crazy like he is saying you are!! Stay strong!!!

quote:

Oh honey thats great lets get back together and have some more babies.....
This time can we take a cruise for our honeymoon so we can take a moonlite walk on the upper deck so I can whack you in the head with a whiskey bottle and throw you over board.....
Is your life insurance up to date sweetie pie....
Baby I can't wait.....hello hello....

Can I borrow this the next time my EH has the idea we should have dinner together?

oh... nevermind. I probably won't talk to him.

Dang! Yesterday sucked even more - a 3 page email telling me how much he loves me. How all he ever wanted to do was love me and take care of me. How Ill always and forever be the only woman he'll ever EVER love. On and on... exhaustingly... finally with "I want you to be my wife again and I will pray and pray until God changes your heart. Its God's will that we are together and I have hope and firm belief that my prayers will move the hand of God."

Sigh... now I'm not just resisting him, I'm resisting the "hand of God". You have to understand that we have been involved in cult-like religious experiences up until now and most of my actions were dictated by a warped view of what "God's Will" was for my life... its hard not to be sucked back into that, even with 2 years distance.

Be strong and courageous, right?

Have you been happy and content the past two years? If so then you will be still until you find the right one. Obviously he wasn't the right one and that's why it didn't work out the first time. He obviously didn't think that you were the right one and that's why he had another fiance and now that things didn't work out with her he's lonely and wanting you back. It's the familiarity that we always go running to. Be careful talking to him, he might **** you back in and you've come this far. You're strong and you can do it. Resist the temptation to even read his e-mails. If you absolutely feel the need to read them have a friend who will "edit it for the good for you" Maybe LaurieDoorey she's good at rewording things into what they really mean lol. Just be strong and careful.

quote:

a 3 page email telling me how much he loves me. How all he ever wanted to do was love me and take care of me. How Ill always and forever be the only woman he'll ever EVER love. On and on... exhaustingly... finally with "I want you to be my wife again and I will pray and pray until God changes your heart. Its God's will that we are together and I have hope and firm belief that my prayers will move the hand of God."

ok Jenn, I'll try again for Jonesy

As I was sitting here all alone - due to my own selfish stupidity - I began to wonder who I could turn to for instant comfort without having to do any real work. The fact that you took so much carp from me for so long and actually wondered if it was you (when we both know it was me) made me run to my computer to numb the pain. I am hoping you are still hurting too so a band aid on lonliness will sound good to you. Maybe if I toss in words like wife and marriage you'll fall for it more quickly and again I can take a shortcut on doing the work. Oh wait a minute, just in case you have started to wise up to me, I had better throw some God quotes in there to really have you question yourself. Nothing easier for me than a woman who questions herself. Who would have thought you'd be a challenge again? This will be so cool. Well, until I feel the need for a challenge again and dump you for the next best thing - again. I wonder how many times I can convince you of this - I'm going to start a chit count. IIII....

wow, Laurie. Thanks for that. It really puts it in perspective...