My divorce will be final in about 10 days. My therapist claims this will be some magic turning point for me, but after being separated for 15 months, I'm not sure how it will make a huge difference emotionally -- we'll see. In NY state, you have to go through a psych eval if there is custody involved. We did, and it was so one-sided that I got full custody. My ex is a bonafied psycho (diagnosed with a personality disorder -- highly intelligent, manipulative, pathological liar, the world revolves around him, he'll do anything to get attention). He lives in the area and is not a physical danger to the kids, whom he does love, so he gets to keep them 24 hours a week. That gives me a nice break. In the interim, he is like a toddler who needs attention, and when he doesn't get it, he goes for the negative kind. He has this special way of turning everything upside down and making himself out to be a saint -- I'm just a mean, bitter person who won't give him a second chance (I gave him about 1000 chances in 9 years before I finally threw in the towel). He'll say anything to bait me, but my therapist has at least taught me not to take the bait -- there is no point in arguing with someone whose brain really might be from Mars. So even though he doesn't succeed in drawing me in any more, you better believe that his hurtful, twisted remarks get me all spun up for days at a time, so I can't even concentrate on anything else. According to my therapist, I'm supposed to just keep reminding myself that he is mentally ill -- of course I know none of his BS is true, but since I'm such an overly logical human being, I just feel this urge to defend myself (I spent my whole marriage defending myself against ridiculous accusations -- everything he did wrong was somehow my fault) or set the record straight, and since it won't go through to his brain, all I can do is sit and stew in it. The kids are young -- so many days I wish he would just fall off the face of the earth (even though as a computer specialist, he has to cough up a fortune in child support -- I'd give that up for my sanity) -- and they'd forget him. I have a 19 year old stepson in college -- my ex's son -- who stayed with ME (not his mother or father) after the split. I've raised him since he was 9, and he knows the stuff his dad is made of, and he's been deeply affected. One reason why I took my kids (and his) and ran, so to speak. I am afraid that no matter how nice I talk about their dad, or at least tell them he can't help the way he is, they will figure it out eventually. That's why I wish he would just disappear now, before they get old enough to figure him out. At this point, though, I actually deeply resent their unconditional love for their father (and how they ask for him when I make them do something they don't want to do), and have to restrain myself daily from commenting on how hurtful their dad was to me. He tells them that he still loves mommy, which is messed up -- leaves me holding the bag because I don't love him (I actually abhor him -- he disgusts me), and I can't tell them that I do. Sigh. Any other psycho ex's out there?

Hii there

I think that you have to let some things go because if you don't it will continue to ruin the rest the life. It was the happiest day of my life when my ex moved out and even a better day when I got my divorced papers and saw that I was no longer married to that. I reclaimed my identity. They will always try to bring you down even after they leave. My best revenge is living better than before because I have peace, can sleep better at night and its better to be alone than living in hell. Have faith, things will get better for you and don't feed into the craziness that he might try to pull. Just be proud of yourself for getting out on time and be able to have a second chance at life. When people asked me my status, I say "I'm happily divorced"

I can under stand how you feel. My ex luckily was never able to affect our daughter in the way your ex was. I filed for divorce when I was almost five months pregnant. You are lucky though that you have some type of proff that he has a mental illness, I was unable to get anything like that on my ex, and he does have a lot of issues. The day I got my final divorce papers however I felt a huge relief especially since I was unable to get the divorce until my daughter was 3 months old. In fat she was 3 months and 1 day old. I then had my leagal custody that he could not try to fight me on, which was a constant threat he had. It helps to have the finalization of your divorce even if you have been seperated for a while.
Good luck.

my boyfriends ex is psycho!! she's gone so far as to stalk him, call and harrass him, try to run us both off of the road, and now she's sending me threatening emails posing as someone else. i'm just worried that she'll try to some how involve my son, that's how crazy she is. if anyone has some advice, i'd be happy to hear it.
tasha & gabe