So, I need some advice. I have been a single mother since before my daughter was born. I was in the Navy when I got pregnant with my daughter. My daughter's father got out of the Navy when I was 6 weeks pregnant and moved back to Florida (we met in Japan) When he got home to Florida, he met up with this girl that he knew prior to going into the Navy. They started dating and good e-mails from his turned bad when she started e-mailing me telling me that "abortion is the best" and "how can you bring a child into this world knowing that it's father will never want to be a part of it" I stood my ground and now I have a beautiful 6 year old little girl. He has never met Taylor my daughter and he is married to that girl, Jennifer. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them, and I don't want him. Hey I have a good life. This is where the problem starts. Recently, Taylor has been crying about knowing her father. She now sees and is big enough to understand "family structure-mother, father kids together" I found Jennifer, his wife on myspace and sent her a message about the situation. She was overjoyed and we set it up for Taylor to talk to her father...1 week ago. I was excited and still am...the problem we live in Cali and they live in Florida. I should probably mention that she also knows his father, stepmom and his sister. His parents live in Pensylvania...and we have made a couple of trips out there to meet his family. (me in tow because she is still little) The trips have always gone good!
So, after talking with them a few times, I thought it would be nice to get them together this summer, since she is out of school and I can take a few days off of work. I jumped the gun a little and in thinking of them kind of planned a trip to Florida (nothing was booked) They were overjoyed, but when I started thinking about this whole thing...I realized that they are still strangers to her. She doesn't know them from the guy down the street. So I sent her a message (I've been communicating with her more so than him) telling her that at the very least, the first night we are in Fl that she needs to stay with me at the hotel. She got upset and sent me a message, she said "You can't hold her hand forever, you aren't going to be here everytime she comes to see her dad" After that little comment, I pulled the plug on everything. I guess I'm the type of person, that if I give you a little, you need to take a little, and when you start stepping on my toes, I will take 5 steps backward...especially when it comes to my child. I am obligated to protect my daughter. So, I just need opinions. This is a hard situation. HELP!!!

One more thing I should mention is that we are going to Bakersfield to meet them next weekend (for the first time) and I'm continuing to let them talk to her on the phone, but this whole thing has to be "played by my rules". I have been the only consistant thing in my child's life since she was born (6yrs is a long time) Am I wrong for cxlng this trip??? Help

Sounds to me like you are being fair in your concerns. Trying to take a trip so they can meet and spend time together, yet at least expecting/asking that for the first night she stays with you. They should understand that that does a couple things, it allows your daughter a little decompression time from meeting her father and his family for the first time, and it puts you at ease knowing that she'll be fine there with you for that first overnight with the realizations that she's just meeting them for the first time and nobody can foresee how that will go ahead of time, what the emotions/feelings will be for the kid. It's a huge thing on a young child.

Maybe try to explain that you know that you can't hold her hand forever and aren't trying to do that, but for the first meeting like that it does have potential to be quite emotional for a young child like that and they should also try to understand that, as well as your feelings. It is completely normal for kids meeting their other parents that they don't even know to be eased into the situation instead of just instant overnight stays. Let them know that you would like to go forward with this meeting but at the same time don't expect it is asking too much for them to honor your wish that she stay that first night in the hotel with you.

I agree with Don on this one...nothing more I can add to this..

Thanks everyone...so I blew it. I did cxl the trip...1st for financial reasons (you all know being a single parent is a little hard financially) 2nd because I just wasn't comfortable with all of it (even though it was my idea to go to Florida in the first place)
So, I made a complete mess of things...however, I sent them a message tonight. I want to collaborate with them. I want to find a way to make this a little more comfortable for all of us without stepping on toes, or without making them feel like I am watching over there shoulders. So, I asked them for any ideas so that we can make this work. A PLAN!! Whoa, can't believe this all came to me. Thank You everyone for your messages and ideas. I finally think I have found my answer!

Ok, so what is the plan?? Keep us posted.

Just FYI, the plan worked perfectly. I let them make the decision on what they wanted to do...the chose to come out here...and the rest you can find on my "Disneyland Dad" post!