My ex and I share custody of our 2 daughters. He has since remarried and just recently they had a son. She has 2 daughters who live with them. They are almost the same ages as our daughters. He lives about 100 miles away from us. He and his family have made plans to go to Colorado for Thanksgiving. He didn't even bother to ask his own daughters if they would like to go. They do not have a room at his house, they sleep on the couch when they visit. Which isn't very often. He calls maybe once a week to check on them. What on earth could make a guy who was a good dad to these girls suddenly check out of their lives? I was afraid when the baby came along he would forget that his 2 daughters need their dad too. What should I do? When I mention it to him, he just hangs up on me. He has no clue what goes on in their lives.

Lesa,

Unfortunately there is not too much you can do. You can't force someone to love, be there, or give something they can not. It will be him that is loosing out. There will come a time when he does want his children in his life and unfort. they might not want him. His loss. What you can do is to continue to love your children, make them feel secure and wanted. Explain to them that there father does love them, just in his own way. A quote someone sent me, "Just becuase someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have". I am sorry you and your kids are going through this, but hang in there, be strong and happy. Take care of yourselves. *big hug*

Unfortunately fathers aren't the only ones to abandon there children. The #'s are increasing for mothers as well. It is just a sad, sad fact.

My situation is similar. My ex-husband has chosen to remain angry and bitter at me, thus refusing to see or talk with his son. I take responsibility for my apart in the divorce, but I refuse take responsibility for his. I've forgiven him (it's been 3 years) and I know I can't change or MAKE him do anything.
I think his own guilt has dug a hole so deep that he's unable to see clearly. And the longer he stays away the easier it is for him...at least in the short run. This is the only way I can comprehend his choices.
Anybody have any other ideas?

I could not have put it better myself - it is sad especially for the kids - the more these dads (and my daughters father did exactly as you said) protect themselves the more they write our childrens future in the sand. In situations such as above, there is little you can do other than wait it out and see how the situation develops, it is his job to develop a relationship with his kids, you are doing the right thing not standing in his way but you can not force him to be caring towards your kids even if as a mother your instincts makes you want to drag him kicking and screaming into being caring for your kids sake - take heart that no matter what happens they will always have you to put them first and that will be good enough - there are a lot of kids out there who don't even have that with 2 parents under the same roof.

Hey all, I'm Jean, I just found this site and it's what i've been lookin for for a long time. I need some advice, maybe some people out there are in the same situtation or similar could help with.
My son just turned 6yrs old last wednesday. He is my first and only child. His father and I had been friends for a while, and well to put it simply 2 friends crossed a line that shouldn't have been crossed. We were always together, but we never spoke of how we felt about each other. Anyway, we grew apart slowly but surely, and in the only fight we ever had i kicked him out of the apartment we were sharing. He left don't know where he went. He is from Arkansas, I know very little about his family. I found out after he was gone I was pregnant. I ran into him when my son was 3 months old and told him we needed to talk and why. He said he would call and be over, but I haven't seen nor heard from him since. He isn't in my town that's for sure, I would have found him by now.
My son has never really asked about his dad, yet he makes little comments here and there, but I worry about how I will explain this to him. I make a point to not let him be at father's day events cuz I just don't know how to explain this to him. If you have any suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated. I just don't know what to say.
The only good thing out of this is I don't have to fight my ex for custody.
cherrygirl76_2001@yahoo.com

quote:

Originally posted by Lesa:
[qb]My ex and I share custody of our 2 daughters. He has since remarried and just recently they had a son. She has 2 daughters who live with them. They are almost the same ages as our daughters. He lives about 100 miles away from us. He and his family have made plans to go to Colorado for Thanksgiving. He didn't even bother to ask his own daughters if they would like to go. They do not have a room at his house, they sleep on the couch when they visit. Which isn't very often. He calls maybe once a week to check on them. What on earth could make a guy who was a good dad to these girls suddenly check out of their lives? I was afraid when the baby came along he would forget that his 2 daughters need their dad too. What should I do? When I mention it to him, he just hangs up on me. He has no clue what goes on in their lives.[/qb]

IAM IN ALMOST THE SAME SITUATION. MY EX IS NOT REMARRIED HE JUST ISDOING HIS OWN THINGHE WAS ONCE A DAD WHO LOVED TO SPEND TIME WITH HIS CHILDREN, NOW HE DOESNT EVEN CALL. HE DOESNT PAY SUPPORT OR SEE THE KIDS. HE HANGS UP ON ME WHEN I PRESURE HIM ABOUT ANYTHING AT ALL. IT HURTS MY KIDS SO MUCH. BUT I KEEP LEAVING THE DOORS OPEN FORHIM TO VISIT THEM I TELL HIM OF EVERY ACTIVITY HE CAN NEVER SAY HE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THINGS. I CAN SEE THE RESPECT FOR ME GROWING IN MY CHILDREN. EACH ONETELL METHEY LOVE ME AFTER EACH CONVERSATION OR AS THEY LEAVE THE HOUSE. SOMEDAY MY EX WILL GROW UP AND WANT TO BE FREINDS WITH HIS KIDS AND THEY WILL BE TO BUSY FOR HIM, AND THAT IS SAD BUT IT IS HIS CHOICE.

My daughter's father has never been involved in her life. He only met her once, when she was about 4 months old. She's 2 1/2 now. He went through periods where he'd write and check on her, or call and see how's she's doing, but it was mostly a front so I wouldn't take him to court for more CS than we had unofficially agreed on.

Well, he stopped paying even that amount last Christmas, without any sort of notice or discussion. We didn't hear from him for 3 months, until the day after he got served for the CS action. Now, I hear from him pretty much every time he gets something from the court. He was leaving creepy messages for our daughter on the answering machine for awhile, along with nasty messages to me, and the email trail has also been pretty entertaining... he's now threatening to tell her the circumstances of her conception. Nice, eh? The thing is, this guy has three older kids and is very involved with them, so it's not like he's "just not ready to be a father"... just not to this sweet little innocent girl.

In the meantime, she's started asking about her daddy. She asked me if her daddy was one of the firemen on one of her videos. She asked me if her daddy was the snowman on the refrigerator. She asks where her daddy is, and I always just say he lives very far away (he does) and he can't be with her right now (a lie). I know the time is coming when this won't be enough information, and I don't quite know what I'm going to say.

What I've realized, though, is you can't force someone to be a parent. You can't force them to bond, or even to send a birthday email acknowledging her existence. I can, however, force him to help me support her, and that's what I'm doing. If he gives her nothing else in this life, he's going to give her a better life than I can alone, and a good portion of a college education. She matters.

i think it's eaiser for a daddy to leave thier kids. if i could find out the secert to how men cut off all emotions to loved ones i would be a happier person. LOL

anyways my ex has not seen his son in almost five years. the two years that he did seem him it was all of maybe ten times. it's sad.

my son askes about him and i tell him the gen. stuff but i try not to be mean and nasty because my son will see for himself how a jerk he is.

to be honest i just can't say why they leave...i know i couldn't do that no matter how ruff of a day i've had.

i've come to terms that i will be raising my son without his dad and my son and i have bonded like him and his father never will. thats my victory no matter how small it may be.
smvt )

I am a dad who is fighting tooth and nail to just have the opportunity to see my son. Unfortunatly I have known men over the years who were the bastards that abandon their kids. I think they are so self centered that they arent able to let the kids into thier hearts. If they did, then like all the rest of us, hell nor highwater would keep them from spending time with and doing what is right for the kids

chuck

quote:

Originally posted by mdcmn7:
[qb]I am a dad who is fighting tooth and nail to just have the opportunity to see my son. Unfortunatly I have known men over the years who were the bastards that abandon their kids. I think they are so self centered that they arent able to let the kids into thier hearts. If they did, then like all the rest of us, hell nor highwater would keep them from spending time with and doing what is right for the kids

chuck[/qb]

congrats to you! you deserve a gold star for caring enough to fight to see you child. if only more men could be like you then this world would have less kids that didn't have a daddy. sadly though i think you are a minority among men.

ihave respect to you and all the guys that see their kids or raise their kids single.
smvt