Why, when I know in my and my heart that it's done, do I have all these feelings? I just found out that the ex will be going on a short vacation in a few weeks.

I know she's going with her "friend", well I'm pretty sure, don't know why she'd go somewhere alone.

Do I feel this way because I wanted to be able to go somewhere, but I can't afford it, and it irks me to no end that I pay her support and she's able to take a vacation? Or am I still jealous?

How can I be. I don't want this woman around me anymore. How can I drop the last of these crummy feelings?

That is one think I dislike about my divorce. I'm not one to constantly modify CS so I will get the benefit of every penny, though, it hit me last year living pay check to pay check... and my EH buys a house with acerage, 2 vehicles, and remodels.... while he owes me over $5k in medical expense.

I wonderd, how do you just let it go when I worry at weeks about what would I do if my tire blew out... I barely could afford getting a new one.

Well, after he went on a shopping spree I modified my CS for the first time in 10 years... he had no way of hiding assets quick enough. I feel much better now even though he doesn't.


Your time will come.... it may not be now, and when the tables turn you may find yourself more blessed than she is.

I hope you're right Tess. I really do.

It just bother's me that she would rather take a vacation with her friend than with her girls. That's the part I just don't get. I don't mind paying what I do, I don't think it's enough, but anymore and I'm broke, any less and she's broke. It's a tight line for me now as it is. At least she has a friend that kicks in if she needs help, I've got no such luxury.

This summer will be a struggle because we're putting Ash into summercamp daycare. I have no idea what that's going to cost, and I may have to put my house on the market and go rent a 2 bedroom apartment. Yay, luvin' that idea (NOT!!). I just feel trapped. I want to get away from here so badly, but I don't want to leave Ash. She needs me and I need her.

This just sucks.

Hey Joy,
I can totally relate. I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me. For us both. My ex is not Faith's father, but he still slays me. He sent a text message today about having an insurance check for me. I am on COBRA and they still send my stupid checks to him.

I have always taken the high road with him despite some severe lows. I can hear it in his words, texts, e-mails that he knows he blew it. Sadly I was a rebound marriage after he divorced his first wife. He never gave me a chance. He wounded me so deeply that I can not imagine ever trusting my feelings again. I am just too battle scarred.

Yet, I still care. I am a schmuck. I actually listened to his (self-induced) work problems (again) and gave him advice and wished him good luck. I will never be with him again. But my heart is still heavy.

I feel your pain, and relate, and really wish I could make the feelings go away (or turn in to something wonderful) for us all...

Howzabout a cute little hug instead?

Hang in there. Folks keep promising me that time heals all wounds. Happily it wounds all heels too <grin>

Thanks LD,

I just can't get the idea out of my head, of her going on vacation with someone else. I get it to go away, but then it comes back, twice as hard.

I feel the way you explain your does. I know I screwed up, over the years. I know she made the killing blow though, and that I can't blame myself for that, it was her choice.

I know I'm done, I just wish I never had to communicate with her again.

It's hard, when a parenting relationship keeps you in contact with the person who ultimately broke your trust in a relationship that was supposed to last forever. I don't have any love for my ex-husband at all anymore - he hurt me too badly... but, even now, I still wonder why he chose to get into the relationship in the first place, and whether the women he sees now even know that he was married and is a parent. It's a long road, and I suspect that his being a part of my life in the parenting aspect will make it that for a while, but I try to just focus on the one gift he gave me - my daughter.

I would check out the Village Day Camps. The camps are broken out into Sessions so if you cant afford it as continuous sessions, pick the time/dates you want. Or, I know Waukegan had a camp that was a flat fee of $250 for the entire summer. You just bring them sack lunch daily. If I find out more info about it, I will post it here. My girls (11 and 13) arent in daycamps as now my ex mother in law and ex sis in law (who both work for CPS) FINALLY offered to keep them most of the summer since they are off. Grateful but it only started last year. Trifling. Ill keep ya posted on what I find out. Hope to help you as I understand it is not easy to pay for daycamp/daycare AND eat.

I remember the first time my wife went on vacation with her "friend". It felt just like another twist of the knife in my back. It's not as if it were any different than her being in town though.

Chicago,

I like your idea. Do you have more information on the Village Day Camps?

I don't know about Waukegan. It's the opposite direction for me to go in the morning, I drive up to Milwaukee for work, but it's a good idea and worth looking into.

Thanks!!!

One time one of my sons was given a free slot at a summer camp. I forget the organization but they offered up a few slots on a regular basis. It wasn't a charity or anything like that, just first come first serve. All you had to do was ask if there were any openings. I think they did that to keep enrollment up. I'll dig around and see if I can find their name.