Hi all, I am new to posting here. Here is my situation. I have a son who is 12mos old. I and his father broke up 2 wks after his birth due to his father's abusiveness, which is mostly verbal/emotional. He met someone shortly thereafter and she moved in with him when my son was about 2mos. Anyway, I have not had many problems with her. However, this week all that changed. She called to request to pick up my son for his normal visitation. However, she wanted to pick him up early and requested to have lunch with me "to talk". I thought it was odd and I decided to call my ex to be sure it was ok she was picking up our son. He advised me that they hadn't even discussed it. Additionally, he would be working a 12hr shift and wouldn't even be home. This is not the first time she has requested time alone with our son outside of his father's normal visitation. Anyway, I decided to confront her on it. She got angry at me and in response said "all of this is going to change when we get married". This is not the first time of heard this either. My ex has used it in the past and has threatened custody/shared placement. I would like some feedback and want to know if and when they get married, what that means in terms of legal outcomes should they try to get custody/shared placement. Also, I would like to know if I am doing anything detrimental by requiring that my ex be present for extended visitations. Also, please keep in mind that my ex continuously complains about our son being in daycare. Everytime that they pull this (requesting extra time when my son will be in his gf care alone) he sites that it will save a day at daycare. Please give any advice you can. Thank you-

Justus

Alright, though nothing is ever written in stone when it comes to the courts and their decisions, odds are still in your favor on custody, even if they should get married. Judges are hesitant to change current custody status as long as the child is safe and thriving where they are.
As for visitation, she is just a gf and if everything was all fine and dandy it wouldn't be a big deal to allow her to have that alone time/visitation while your ex is working....however it sounds like everything is n't fine and dandy or you wouldn't be asking for help. But no you are not recquired to allow her to pick your son up for extended visitation. You are not recquired to allow extended visitation period beyond what the court order states.
It's always nice to be able to work out variances to a court ordered schedule as both parents will occasionally have extenuating circumstances arise that might make the routine schedule a little difficult to follow once in a while, but if/and it seems it is/ causing further issues, then that's why the court order is there...to set down a mandated schedule to be followed should the PARENTS not be able to ammicably work things out between themselves.
My opinion is that the gf seems to be overstepping her boundaries into the relationship of you, your ex, your son's visitation. Legally she is not a part of that equation. If your ex has a problem with the time in daycare he could go to court and ask for a change if HE were available during that time and might get it, but for him to go to court and ask for his gf to be the one watching your son instead of being in daycare it's highly unlikely. Should they get married, a little better chance perhaps (that nothing written in stone statement)but it's still mainly about the parents and children, not step-parents.

Thanks for getting back. Just to let you know, I don't have anything against his gf picking up for a visit, however, I want him to ok it. The reason is because he constantly twists things around and acuses me of things that are not true. I never know when he is going to use something against me. He also constantly threatens me with custody/shared placement. He is always late dropping our son off and there are always issues surrounding his visitation -it is nearly every visit that something comes up. I do want to make clear that I am flexible to a degree. When there is a long holiday weekend, for example, I have always allowed him to keep our son the extra day. He is very oppose to the day care situation, I think possibly because he has to pay half of the daycare fee. He also tells me that I am a bad mother for putting our son in day care. He is very difficult to deal with, however, I try my best to keep things fair and to take his perspective into consideration. However, I feel strongly that he and his gf should not be requesting extended visitation for his gf to care for our son when he isn't present for the visit.

justus