Hello. I am new to this website. I am so confused and I feel like a fool at times. I have been married for 10yrs but we have been seperated for the last 3 yrs. Because I believe he was cheating. We have a son and like a fool some how I got pregnant and now we have a 1 month. I love my kids. Here is the issue at first I was trying to work out the marriage but besides the *** he does not seem to want to work it out. I keep saying that I am going to cut out the *** but it gets lonely. We have a house but he moved into an apartment he comes over every day to take out other child to school and his dogs is still at the house. He even stills has a key. I don't know how to get over him or what to do. I look at him with our new baby and he loves the baby to death. I guess he just does not love me or I don't know. Every time I get ready to write him off he does something sweet. Like when I had the baby he cooked all meals for us or brought me food and calls me. I pray for God to tell me what to do. I don't know if he is still messing around with other women. I am just confused as heck.

i'm sorry to have to be the one to say this but ....it sounds like he just wants to have his cake and eat it too. As long as you allow him to have both he's not going to choose. He does sweet things so that you will think "maybe he does care after all". There are plenty of men and women out there who will take advantage of a situation like this. Why would he give you up if he doesnt have to? If he can keep you there thinking of him all the time while he is out enjoying his freedom? He may come around every now and then and acts sweet. But you deserve to be treated good all the time by someone who really wants to be with you. He is preventing you from moving on but he has. He wants his freedom but he wants you to be there waiting for him. It may seem like he is being nice but the reality is that he is being selfish. I am sorry for being so blunt. But three years is way too long to let someone treat you like that.
I hope when you gather up the strength (and I am sure its in there) you can put your foot down. change the locks on your doors let him be a father to your children but thats all. I hope you don't allow him to string you along like that any longer. There are a ton of good guys out there I am sure there is one who will treat you like he should but with him manipulating you you may never have the chance to meet him..and that would be a shame.

Lonely +2, hey I'm lonely +3, I totally understand how hard this is. What a HORRIBLE situation to be in. I bet you are a wonderful person, you have to find the courage to see that you deserve more than what your ex is willing to give. We all need ****, that's normal! But, you are worth more than that! You wouldn't want your daughter in that situation, you'd want her to hold up her head and find better. When you've had enough you will and think how wonderful you will feel then! Hang in there!

I'm sooo sorry Lonely +2. He doesn't sound like he is giving you what you want and you have been very generous with giving him 3 years.

Lonely+2 we share almost the exact same story!! Except that we only have one child. For the last 5 years he has been moving in and out--always claiming he needs his independence and space. He currently lives in an apartment down the street but stops over to be with his son and I whenever he wants. He also still comes around for the ***. I had to face the truth and realize that this is all he ever really wants from me. I don't think he has cheated on me yet, but he is definately looking!! I came to the conclusion that I either need to accept the situation as it is or tell him to get lost for good. There is no halfway in this situation because he has realized that you are needy and that no matter what he does you will forgive. I have toughned up and the last few months and realized that being lonely is better than having no respect for myself. I think the question is "Can I live with this, yes or no". Good Luck to you!

Normajean-sugar Thanks for being so blunt. Everything you said I know in the back of my head but I think I just needed to hear it from someone else. Thanks again and please be blunt whenever.

Pann71- Yes we are totally in the same situation. I think you are right there is no halfway in this situation. Even though it is hard I think it is time for me to make a choice and just let him be a father to his 2 kids. I do deserve better and I would not want this for my daughter.

Thanks so much to you all for responding. I am so glad that I found this website. It gets so rough at times holding things in because you don't want to tell your family and friends your business. But on this website I see it is people who care and knows what I am going through and can give me advice to help me and I can be honest and not hold things in.

I am glad you found your way here. This is a great place to come to and vent away. They're really is a unique bunch of people here and the wat everyone supports one another is amazing.
I dont believe I welcomed you to the forum.So ..

Hope you stick around.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with that...

that is the last thing you need when you have a newborn.

(hugs)

Lonely+2... you could tell him that it is impossible to be almost pregnant so he cannot be almost married either.

Well I just want to let you all know that I have gain strength talking to you. I'm know it is not going to be easy but I have decided to just let him be my kids father. Even though every time he comes over I just want him to stay so bad. That is the hard part.

You say that you end up hanging with him because you are lonely. But it sounds like you are still very lonely! So obviously that is not working!
I know a thing or two about loneliness. Better to deal with it than to settle... I hope you find happiness