Hi...I am new to this forum...but WOW...I found a lot of interesting stories and advice...that keeps drawling me back...

I am divorced and have been doing shared parenting for 10 months now...I was completely strong through out my divorce...and have no regrets in regards to the divorce...

All the sudden I have this great rush of "guilt and fear"...guilty that of what I have done to my childrens lifes...guilty if I don't give them 100% of my attention when I have them...and guilt...if I don't always entertain or buy them what they want...I feel guilty being me...when they are not with me...cause they were my life...I was a stay at home mom...that multi-tasked and kept busy...now I have too much time to think...I can't stand it!

Emotionally...I think they are doing better than I am...and understand the circumstances...

Then comes fear...I fear...that I won't be able to raise them properly...financially or emotionally...I am scared to death...I will fail again...I failed my marriage and commitment...

Anyone have the overwhelming feeling of guilt and fear, if so, how do you get these negative thoughts out of your mind?

I was a stay at home mom for 4 years. I have been divorced over 10 years and it definitely isn't the way I planned to raise my children. Looking back though, I am really blessed to have a family that is loving and caring. I don't really fear them getting involved with the wrong crowd or getting involved with drugs. That was my biggest worry.

Success comes from failure sometimes. Forgive yourself and move forward, there's many choices out there to make to get you closer to what you want.

Fear is immobilizing. I worry about the same things you mention, though, I learn to have faith and trust myself as well as God. I really do say a prayer and ask God to take them from me.

With endings, there are always new beginings....

Tessmit...

Thank you for your uplifting response...

During my divorce...I had my life on cruise control...and nothing was going to stop me...then boom all of the sudden...my cruise control stopped...and I find it hard to keep moving forward...my emotions are good at moments...and then horrible...as if my speed keeps changing...I pray to God to help lift the worries of my shoulders everyday...and ask him to put it in his hands...I am just trying to be patient...but that isn't always easy to do...

I cleaned out my "junk drawer" when...I got divorced...and rid of all the bad items connected to it...now I am afraid to put "junk (bad stuff)...back in mine or my kids...

I guess mom's never stop worrying...I just wish these guilt and fear feelings will go away!

Congrats on being a wonderful mom...the past 10 years...it gives me TRUE hope!

quote:

cleaned out my "junk drawer" when...I got divorced...and rid of all the bad items connected to it...now I am afraid to put "junk (bad stuff)...back in mine or my kids...

I like what Oprah says (or was it Maya Angelou) when you know better you'll do better...

I use this board a lot for venting my fears and fustrations. Most of the other members have been very patient and kind... it makes me feel better especially since I don't have my other 1/2 yet. I hope he finds me soon.... he is taking a long time.

OSU,
I was really touched by your raw description of guilt and fear. I was married for 6 years (now divorced for 4) as a stay-at-home christian parent.
When I left I completely uprooted myself. It was hard to leave that comfort zone (even though I was unhappy).
Having so much time to think can drive you nuts! I used to do a lot of running just so I wouldn't have to think. After four years I'm just beginning to get used to being on my own.
It takes time.
I also had a lot of guilty feelings, especially since divorce was against my religious upbringing. But I kept reminding myself that I wasn't doing the kids any favors by staying. I kept telling myself that it is better to be lonely than to settle for being miserable & raising children in an unhealthy environment.
Take it easy. Try to think positive thoughts.
I can really relate to your feelings of being a failure. But that negative energy is counter-productive.
Make time for the things that are important to you. Rediscover your hobbies and all of that. You have an identity beyond a divorced, single mother.
It's tough, but you can make it.
Stay in touch.

Maggiemama,

I read your blog last night, was able to identify everything you stated. In fact, I felt like I am walking in shoes or taking the same path you took 4 years ago. I just wish, I could fast forward my life, to where I can be comfortable with the decisions, I made for myself.

I, too, divorced, even though it's against our religion. I could go deep into why I felt it was necessary, and try to convince the church of all the reasons, but it wouldn't matter, they are just against it. My children attend a private catholic school, and I feel the negative energy, as I walk in the school to pick them up. I feel as all the parents, have put me, on the "broken family" list. Unfortunately, I have even had experiences, where the kids friends' parents, won't allow their children to stay the night with me now that I am divorced. Funny, how I had them all the time, when I lived in an exclusive home. I feel branded and an outcast now, that truly hurts your feelings. I am feel bad for my kids, cause they don't understand why their social life has came to a hault, when they are with me.

I, also, divorced, cause the environment was not good for myself or my kids. I was not doing them any favors by staying. I felt that I was teaching them what a marriage with no love was about, and didn't want them to think that's what marriage was. Dad is hitler, schedules, screaming, and basically had nothing to do with them except discipline, and tear them down. He fought me for 2 years for custody, and ended up shared parenting. Which I was for shared parenting from the get-go. He just likes to use his power, control, status, and money to look good.

My kids now have an escape from all the schedules, yelling, and discipline. I am totally opposite, very laid back and they seem to have lots of fun for me. I am trying to justify, that my home, even though I went from riches to rags, and so did my kids, is an escape, an escape and a peaceful place for them to be kids.

I believe in positive and negative energy, and I typically am a happy, go-lucky woman, but all the sudden the negatives are overpowering my positives, and I feel like I can't gain control again. It's tough and grueling.

I have decided to open up to my family and few friends I have left after the divorce. It's hard to swallow your pride and ask for help or even support. Cause I was soooo strong through out the 2 year divorce.

I just keep praying and praying and praying, that God lift these burdens of my shoulders, since I no longer can, just let them roll of my shoulders.

Thanks for your response, this is exactly what single parents need, angels, people God put in your life, for special reasons. You are an angel.

Hi and

You know, your kids are going to be so thankful to you when they're grown, that you took them out of that awful, awful situation with their father. Can you imagine how they would have turned out?!!

Hats off to you for seeing it for what it was and taking the courage to step out of it. For all of you.
I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time with the community. I'm sorry, but people like that I do not consider "christian" at all. They may have it on the outside and do everything for the show, but in their hearts they are mean.
Not much help when you're in the middle of it - sorry.

Yea, guilt and fear come with the territory of parenthood. And single parents more so, I think. The key is not to let it overwhelm you and take over. And have faith that it will all turn out for the best.

I find positive affirmations really help too.