so, this is a friend of mine...well, he's not exactly a 'friend', but I like doing things a few times a year with him. He's a single father, he has his 2 kids maybe a total of 4 to 6 weeks max per year. I know he's not 'my type of guy' at all, and I believe he knows that too, now. We've known each other for almost 4 years...and started doing stuff like bike tours, or going to common friends' parties for the last 1 or 2 years, he even came for a pizza or pasta dinner once or twice. I know he has changing girlfriends, sometimes meets them on the internet...he doesn't make any of it a secret, but it's not something we actually discuss either. It's his life. He's a pleasant type of guy I guess and often lonely I suppose. The type of guy who you can actually call with an hours' notice and he will be available (if he's not with his new girl, so it IS good to call ;-))..

ANYWAYS

so, the other day he actually calls me up (which he does very rarely), and it's obvious he has something going on, and after a little while, he tells me: he's made his ex girlfriend pregnant (complicated I guess, but what I understand is..it was kind of..an accident ?). And, he REALLY likes this other girl he just met a month ago, and she's mad (well, understandable).

A FEW DAYS LATER

I learn that he doesn't want this child, and he says he told her to have an abortion. And apparently he talked to a laywer who said that maybe he doesn't have to take any responsibility, even if he knows he's the child's father....because he didn't have *** with the intention of having a baby or something to that effect...

I am confused.
I find it all chocking.
Is this possible: is it possible for a man to make a woman pregnant, unintentionnally, I mean, he could actually have TOLD HER BEFOREHAND, that he does not want children, and then, if she gets pregnant anyways, he doesn't have any responsibility, even in front of the law ?

I find it so chocking, that he seems actually MAD at her for not wanting the abortion. I mean, I never had a very clear opinion on this. But now I seem to be forming one. I mean, this is crazy. Apparently SHE DOES WANT A CHILD. And this guy, just because HE DOES NOT, tells her to abort. So it doesn't disturb his life.

I just think, if you have ***, then having a baby is just one possibility to consider, ALWAYS, even if it is not planned, even if you did everything not to. I mean, this is what we're here for, in the end, to have children. It seems so perverse. I sometimes hate modern life so much.

And regarding this 'friend of mine'...all I can find to excuse his behaviour, is, that he's not a woman, so he doesn't have the child in HIS belly, and therefore he cannot understand certain things and no one can blame him for it..and then, he's so endlessly childish, egocentric, simple, that he can't imagine another child 'disturbing' his perfect little life.

quote:

And apparently he talked to a laywer who said that maybe he doesn't have to take any responsibility, even if he knows he's the child's father....because he didn't have *** with the intention of having a baby or something to that effect...

If they go to court with this defense I hope it's televised...I like a good comedy...
This defense would do about as well as me flying the shuttle...it's called crash and burn..
I think people like this should have to pay double the CP just for being a jacka$$ about it and wasting the courts time...

Hi-
Well. Where do I start.
Don't make excuses for this guy, it sounds like he's making enough on his own.
He is just a re-packaged version of a deadbeat parent and avoiding responsibility. You won't find a won't find a lot of sympathy on this forum for a deadbeat parent.
He chose to lie down with this woman and now pregnancy is the result. If he told her beforehand that HE doesn't want children, why didn't HE use birth control?
Saying you are choosing not to have children after the bun is already in the oven doesn't cut it. The only person who doesn't have a choice in this whole thing is the child, they can't choose their parents and if they could, they probably would choose a different father, in this case.
Being a single parent, I am trying to distance myself as much as possible from irresponsible parents like this.

Well said, HB-

Great pics of your sweetie-pie by the way! She's going to be a super-model!


-Teresa

So apparently the lawyer that your "friend" spoke with needs to go back to law school. I know that here in Texas that a man or woman is financially responsible for the child wether they wanted the child or not. I am going through the same exact situation right now except i'm the one that is having the child. However in my case my ex wanted a child with me until he fell in love with some other girl after knowing her for 2 weeks and getting her pregnant. My ex wants to sign his rights away so that he doesn't have to pay child support but that isn't how it works. It used to be that way but is no longer. Even when a man or woman signs their rights away they are still financially responsible for the child.

I do hope you're right..about not being able to 'sign your rights away'.

Imagine both the woman AND the man signed their rights away ! Where would all these kids go ?

It's just kind of strange to be in the confidence of the 'bad guy', and yes, somehow trying to find..if not excuses, then at least explanations for his behaviour.

I hope at least the law will protect this child. But I hope even more that in the end, she has that child and he at least takes his financial responsibilies. I even think, being so immature and undecided and generally immature and unable to make decisions, he will have an active role in his child's life just because they don't live very far apart, and because things will just go the way she makes them go. Such guys are unreliable and bad husbands but they can make good fathers ! And he will get used to it and who knows, he might love his new life.
I wish I could fast forward 3 or 4 years.

I like H.B.s answer.

quote:

Originally posted by HannahsBoy:
If they go to court with this defense I hope it's televised...I like a good comedy...

It could be different in Europe, I know in the states that the guy is responsible at least financially regardless of his intentions

As far as an explanation of his actions, he doesn't want to be responsible and it's that simple. Some guys think they should have the right to call off fatherhood the same way a woman does. There's obvious differences between a man's situation and a woman's, of course. There are also many women out there that will try to get pregnant against the man's wishes, not saying thats the case here. Just wanted to play devils advocate, I've got a quota to meet of ticking off at least one woman a day.

Actually, Moosey, I agree with you. There are women out there who are just manipulative enough to try to get pregnant on the sly to trap a man into a marriage he doesn't want out of pressure. It's not right, but it happens.

But at the same time, the guy wanted to have ***. The guy did the deed... now he has the same responsibility, or SHOULD, in my opinion, regardless of his intentions. You have to take responsibility for your actions. I don't know what European law is like in her country - I don't even know what country she's in - but I doubt the guy will get off scott free. At least I hope not.

Speaking as a man here I say it's completely the woman's choice. If she chooses to have the baby the father should have at least some responsibilities. Otherwise he should abstain from *** or get himself fixed.

Now there are probably weird cases and exceptions. Such as if the man was intentionally deceived or the *** was part of legal prostitution. I even heard of a case where a "specimen" was taken from the trash.

I don't really buy the "he's not a woman" excuse. Us guys are capable of more understanding than sometimes given credit for.

I like HBs answer as well.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by jenn25chizzy:
So apparently the lawyer that your "friend" spoke with needs to go back to law school.
______________________________________________

And Your friend needs to go back to S*X Ed.
or Biology 101 anyway...The "I didn't know it could happen" excuse went out with The Brady Bunch...My 10 year old knows it can happen that way!! Even the kids that watch Nickeloden know that "Zoey 101" is pregnant!!
Sorry I have no tolerance for stupid excuses..."man up" for cryn' out loud!!