My best friend told me something this afternoon. He just came back from his doctor and he was diagnosed with some kind of chronic autoimmune disease. He did not feel anything wrong. But lab results found out the problems. His doctor told him it is not curable, but treatable. Literature says that this disease usually have a quite a good outcome and most patients have same life expectancy as normal population without symptoms. But of course, normal life is only a statistical result. It may not be true for each specific person. And very likely he will receive treatment for the remaining of his life, which means taking pills everyday.

That’s the background. Here is the real thing. He is seeing a girl recently. They have been friends for many years, but only very recently they began to date. He really loves that girl. He decided that for the good of the girl, he should stop. He still wants to be her friend and support her, but no more than that. And also he does not want to tell her about his disease.

Here is my problem. I don’t think it is necessary to do that. I want to help him and give him some suggestions, but I really do not know what to say. Since we have such nice people on this forum, it’d be greatly appreciated if you could give me some inputs.

He needs to be honest with the girl and tell her what is going on.

She deserves the opportunity to choose to either continue the relationship, or end it. He will get VERY good information about her and her feelings about the relationship from her decision.

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Originally posted by captmatrix:
He needs to be honest with the girl and tell her what is going on.

She deserves the opportunity to choose to either continue the relationship, or end it. He will get VERY good information about her and her feelings about the relationship from her decision.

I 2nd that.


but want to add,

If they are serious... he should tell her. If they are just dating... why say anything unless the topic came up. It's not contageous and they may break up for other reasons. Guilt would be spared.

Great point, Tess.

I second THAT!

I also think he should tell her and let her decide. Maybe he is just fearful that she will break it off-- but fear of rejection is not a good reason to stop living your life.

You didn't mention the actual disease. There are lots of autoimmune diseases out there. The one that comes to mind is MS, which can lead to serious lifestyle issues that would effect anyone he was in a relationship with. However, I have a friend who has an autoimmune disease that with treatment means she has very little difference in her lifestyle and most people have no idea she has it.

I think your friend should take some time to process this new diagnosis and to adjust to the idea of what his future looks like. It sounds like he's making a snap decision about this before he's had time to think about it. Once he's had time to adjust to this, he may regret breaking off the relationship.

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I also think he should tell her and let her decide.

Missabb is right. His girlfriend has should be able to make that decision herself. I would want that option if it was me!