Hi, I am a 42 male and new here. I have two young girls that live with their mother. Looking to move on past this bad part of our experience together so I can be a positive influence for the children. My marriage and children defined who I was so I am starting out at rock bottom now and I would appreciate any reflections on your own experiences in rebuilding a life and discovering who you are.

Hi bllbk1,
First of all welcome to the board. I understand what you mean by your marriage and children defining who you are. It was my choice to leave my marriage.
Even though it was my choice for the best interest of my daughter and myself, I still went through the morning period. You are morning the death of a relationship. Once I could see the light at the end of the tunnel I began redefining myself. My family (my daughter, my mother and my siblings)is now a supporting factor in who I am rather than the definition. I made a good decision. My daughter can now grow up with someone to admire rather than learn the wrong relationship skills from. I am a much better and much happier person now.
I hope you find this place in your life.
Carla

bllbk1,
Hello there. Welcome to the board. I am also a single parent of a 12f. Been divorced since she was age 3. I really don't have reflections to share with you. My relationship with my ex was over before it was actually over. I can however give you some insight as to what my daughter has said and how swift her memory is. I think it is important advice to give not only you but any single parent in a non custodial position. (Not that custodial parents don't have to do this too). I am sure you already know that but you asked what reflections people have, so here is my advice.

I can only tell you to make your visitations with them memberable. It doesn't cost money to do that. They will forever remember the effort you put into... first, showing up, and then doing something that makes a memory. All things they do at your place will make a memory. If all they see you do is bring them home and sit down and turn on the football game while they roam the house, they will remember it. If you take them to the park and fly a kite, or swing with them, they will remember it. If all you do is bad mouth the mother, they will remember it, and vice versa. My daughter has some very vivid memories...some of which I could take away! My daughter now only sees her dad 2-3 times a year. His choice, but she doesn't care much... due to her memories. I hope it all works out for you. I send you my best wishes...keep us posted.

I just re-read my statement. At the end, I meant to say some of those memories I wish I could take away! Sorry if I confused you.

Thank you Carla

Bill

I appreciate the thoughts thinker

Bill