Ok, I'm a big softy when it comes to putting my foot down - for anybody, but especially for Ash. I know it's important for her to understand the rules and that she's not always going to get what she wants. However, consider the following:

I grilled Teryaki chicken last night, I wasn't sure she would like it so I had a backup plan. Turned out my backup plan was pretty much the same thing she had eaten before I picked her up from her mom's. Anyway, she made this deal with me - could she have dessert if she ate everything on her plate - pretty easy for me to say yes to that - there was nothing she didn't like and I didn't overload it. However, she didn't finish, so no dessert - stuck to that, and no snacks before bed either. However, how far should that go? She asked if she could go play outside, I was a bit put off that she broke her deal and initially told her no. But then I got to thinking, she's 7 for crying out loud, she wants to go play with her friends that she doesn't get to play with everyday anymore. It was also just after 7pm. Then she got me, she put her elbows on the table, and balled up her fists and set her chipmunk cheeks on top of her fists. She wasn't mad, sad or upset, but I could see the pleading in her eyes. So, I started thinking how I could make this a positive, and asked if her watch was with us, she couldn't find it. So, I was going down the road of I don't want to come down the street to get you from their backyard, but I knew that's where they were going to be. Some more thinking. DING - Light goes off. My cell phone, and an opportunity for her to be responsible. I give her my cell phone and tell her I'll call her when she needs to come home. I even call it so she will recognize the ringtone (the 8675 - 309 song). Oh, she's loving this!!! I didn't just let her go and not be watched. I did yard work out front so I could keep an eye on the street.

Anyway, my question, should I have caved? Should going out to play even been an issue, since the deal was for dessert? I think she got the message that she needs to do what she says, if she expects to get what she wants.

The biggest thing of all though? And wow what a difference. The lack of stress from my relationship is gone, and I no longer freak out/get upset with Ash, due to lingering frustration with the ex. Not that I ever took anything out on Ash, but my temper used to be much shorter and I was set off easier because of stress caused between me and the ex.

Oh, and I didn't have to call her. She came home at 7:30 because her friends had to go in. She then offered to help spray the weeds with weed killer.

She just loves to be outside. I need to take her camping, I think...

I think you did fine, you are talking about a 7 year old girl and finishing her dinner. Not a big deal (well not to me). It would be one thing if she didn't eat any of it and was asking for dessert. To me it sounds like you are doing fine. And she sounds like a great little girl.

Thank you!! I know I fail, but I'm trying and will never quit

I know every parent says this of their kids, but she really is a great kid. Her way of complaing is "OH MAN" and hardly ever any whining.

I just hope all this isn't making her grow up too fast, like her older sister did.

Keep on keeping on!!

quote:

However, she didn't finish, so no dessert - stuck to that, and no snacks before bed either. However, how far should that go? She asked if she could go play outside, I was a bit put off that she broke her deal and initially told her no

But the deal was no dessert, not no outside playing. So I think you did exactly the right thing. The fact that you added a lesson to it was amazing and look at the instant feedback you got - a happy kid who wanted to help. Smile and nod. You did terrific!

I don't think finishing her dinner had anything to do with going out to play. So no worries whatsoever about "sticking to your guns" as far as I'm concerned.

I struggle a LOT with getting my kid to finish her dinner. The consequence I use here is that if she doesn't finish her dinner, then she doesn't eat again until breakfast. She's gone to bed hungry a few times, and I just tell her we'll have a yummy breakfast in the morning.

Sometimes I think kids know more about when to stop eating than adults do.

The deal was no desert if she didn't eat dinner. You followed through, she accepted her punishment. Thats it end of story. If you go on and add additional punishments that is not fair. (unless they are for additional bad behavior)
She has to be able to count on the fact that you will keep your agreements too. Which you did.

Thank you NormaJean. I hadn't looked at it as me not being fair. Great insight on that one!! I did think I was being too strict though, and I want a happy little girl that understands there are rules to follow, not a dictator to serve.

quote:

Originally posted by LaurieDorey:
The fact that you added a lesson to it was amazing and look at the instant feedback you got - a happy kid who wanted to help. Smile and nod. You did terrific!

Laurie,
She was so proud that she didn't drop the phone. The whole thing made her feel important.

quote:

Originally posted by needforjoy:

quote:

Originally posted by LaurieDorey:
The fact that you added a lesson to it was amazing and look at the instant feedback you got - a happy kid who wanted to help. Smile and nod. You did terrific!

Laurie,
She was so proud that she didn't drop the phone. The whole thing made her feel important.

and isnt that EXACTLY what you are supposed to do?? Way to go! Smile, nod, repeat