quote:

Originally posted by Summerbunny911:
[qb]I solemly vow, one day, when I am a grandmother, I will never be like my mom or my father. Is it just me, or (although you love them) your parents make you want to scream? I am a 22 year old single mom to a beautiful 13 month old little girl. I live with my father while I get on my feet, and my mother babysits everyday while I am at work. They have helped me out so much, I will forever be in debt to them. But since they are always around me and my daughter, I constantly hear criticism, and remarks, and things that drive me nuts. My mom is a crazy woman. When it comes to my daughter my mom always thinks she is constantly sick, or doesn't feel good, or doesn't like this food, or doesn't want this or that. She is fine when she is with me. She feeds her junk food constantly. Donuts for breakfast, french fries for lunch, etc. I bring her healthy meals and most of the time they do not get eaten. The other day I was on my lunch break, just in time to catch my mom getting ready to feed her the left over chocolate wafer bar that she had given to her for breakfast "because she didn't feel good and wouldn't eat anything, and this was the only thing she could get down her". I told her not to feed it to her, and opened some veggies for her. My mom said "She won't eat it anyways". (she ate it by the way) I will be playing on the living room floor tickling and gently wrestling with my daughter, and my father will say things like "be careful" "don't drop her" EXCUSE ME? Jee, thanks for that info, because with out you telling me I was planning to injure her carelessly. Do they think I am an idiot? I try put her to bed between 8 and 9 every night. My mom tells me constantly "you put her to bed too early, what if she's not tired?" Sometimes she will fight her sleep and I will let her sit in her crib and fuss... (not scream, or cry, but fuss a little until she falls asleep) My dad will go in my bedroom (I share a room with her) and say "baby girl, whats wrong, are you not tired?" and then he will leave, making her start to scream and cry because she thought he was going to come in and get her. Do they not think? They make me feel like I am a neglectful, mean, tyrant of a mother. I just want whats best for her. I healthy diet, somewhat of a regular schedule, etc. Another example: It was Fall (in kansas mind you, so its pretty warm) It was somewhat cool, but not bad, I had my little girl in sweatpants, a longsleeve shirt, and a thick jacket, I went outside with her and let her sit on the ground and play with the leaves that had fallen. She caught a cold a couple days later, and my mother told everyone how I had gotten her sick because I put her on that cold ground. First of all, its germs, not cold that gets children sick, and second of all she was outside for not even 10 minutes with me (BUNDLED UP). Its just things like this that make me want to pull my hair out. Why can't they just be quiet and let me be a mother? I have tried to talk to them... when I do tell my mom how I feel about the way she does some things, or the remarks she makes, she says I hurt her feelings, she'll try for a couple weeks to keep quiet, but then it will start again. Shouldn't I be allowed to speak my mind when it comes to the way my child is being cared for? Im not going to be perfect, but I am going to try hard, and love my child more than anything. I don't know if I am necessarily looking for advice, because I know that no matter what I do, remarks will always be made, and I know they don't mean any harm by it. I am just looking to vent, and see if my parents are the only looney grandparents out there.... [/qb]

quote:

Originally posted by THINKER:
[qb]Summerbunny, Red is also right. This is classical behavior and you will too someday look back and say OOoo Yea I remember when....You can't control what other people say, you can only control YOUR reaction to it. Its tough, hang in there. Remember there are people out there with no support at all.[/qb]

quote:

Originally posted by yuki:
[qb]Wow. I had no idea I would cause such reaction. And, I did mean to be supportive. Sometimes we are afraid to do it on our own and take a lot of abuse, from men, our parents, or others, because of it. This job is hard enough without being constantly degraded in the process. I do not feel any sense of superiority for doing it myself, I think it is rather sad and pathetic that I have that kind of family, actually. I merely made the comment that there are so many of us who have, to try to give Summerbunny encouragement that it can be done, and a studio apt without abuse, is so much nicer than a 2 bedroom with.
Help is wonderful and she is lucky. But it does come with a price. And people tend to treat people the way the perceive them. I didn't mean to imply that I thought she was a mooch, but it was pretty clear to me that her parents were infantilizing her because of her inability to be the head of her own family at this time. If she understood that, then she understands the trade off she is making, and will feel like it is her choice to make that trade at this time for the good of her child in the long run. The recognition of choice, is what is empowering. If it is the choice to leave and do it alone, or just realize that choice to stay and grin and bear it until she can provide a better life, then this is what she is willing to do. I do not think people who ask for and get help from their families are mooches, I think they are lucky and blessed. It was clear to me, though, that her parents were feeling this way. And perhaps I would too if I were supporting my adult child, and her child, and being called "crazy." Maybe the french fries just arent worth fighting over in the long run.
Yes, I do have b*tchy days and I am sure I am a bit abrupt at times. But certainly not all the time. If you will look a little harder I think that you might find at least as many suportive comments as ones you do not agree with. But I am not denying the fed up ones, either.
I guess that just makes me another single mom, just trying to hold it together, huh?
Sorry if I offended. I really didn't mean to cause so much fuss.[/qb]