Need to vent iam so so so so angry upset and hurt. My ex has just text me by multi text which means everyone gets the same message saying she has been for a scan and its going to be a boy. I am not just someone, iam the farther i feel like a stranger on the street with her. I deserve to have at least a phone call to tel me of this news i feel like crying. I have left my ex alone for weeks to give her space hoping she would calm down and involve me a little bit more, this has not worked out at all. How can someone be so cruel and nasty and take somethng away that only happens once in a lifetime. I text her back saying i deserved a phone call and i said she was being nasty on purpose, she replied and told me to pee off. What more can i do i have done everything under the sun to try and make things better and it has got me nowhere.

Well, I hesitate to say this because I don't intend to belittle your feelings, as the father it would have been much nicer to get that news on a more personal level. But at least she did include you in sending the news. She could have easily left you out of the loop...just what came to mind when I read this.

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that she is being cold hearted about this, to a man that wants to be a father to his son. This is not in her childs best interests, and it's sad that she would behave this way. Unfortunately, she has most of the power in this situation. Try to keep your spirits up and not let her nastiness get to you.

You may want to go to your courthouse and explain that you're a father that wants to be involved with your baby, but the mother is keeping you distant. They could tell you what your options are, but be sure to keep it calm and controlled. Emotions can run high for situations such as these, but getting upset rarely helps.

I hope things improve, and I'm sorry to hear that you are having this experience with your first son.

Bobby

I had the same thoughts as Don--at least she let you know about the baby being a boy!

Forget about her cruelty and now rejoice in the fact that you are having a son.!!!

If her wishes are to leave her alone, then maybe that is what you should do. Maybe if you send her a text something like...You have asked me to leave you alone, and I will respect your wishes since I want what is the best interest of our child. I am here if you need anything and really want to be there for you and our son. Let me know if I can do anything.

Then you are taking the pressure off of her and given some time alone she may realize that you are not bothering her but just want a chance to be a part of your son's life.

This is just my opinion--but anyway--congratulations on finding out it is a boy!

quote:

I text her back saying i deserved a phone call and i said she was being nasty on purpose, she replied and told me to pee off. What more can i do i have done everything under the sun to try and make things better and it has got me nowhere.

In my opinion, just my opinion, I still think you are leaving out a part of the story. Each post has you as this really sweet guy and her being absolutely awful. In my experience, relationships tend to be less black and white and bear some fault on both sides.

this post makes me think so even more. in your pain you are calling her nasty, yet saying you have done everything under the sun. have you tried not lashing out at her? not calling her names? not trying to make her feel badly? i understand totally that is how you feel, but that certainly wont get you anywhere with her. the guilt thing too, probably not the best angle. when people try to guilt or shame me in to things, i just turn right off like a light switch.

judges look for consistency. send a weekly e-mail nicely asking how she is, how your sons is growing, and if there is anything you can do to help. print these and keep them for court appearances after your son is born. keep your emotions at bay or vent to friends, family or us. do not try to change her, it simply will not work. you can only change yourself and how to respond to this chapter of your life.

is it fair? no. but most of us on this forum have experienced more than thier share of life being unfair.

i dont mean to be "in your face" with this, but they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing the same way and expecting different results. what you are doing is not working. it is time to change your action plan. i dont know if you get the dr phil show over the pond, but he has a great line "how's that working out for ya?" YOU need to make changes here. otherwise you are going to drive her even farther away and you are going to drive yourself completely insane.

again, i really am not trying to sound harsh or cold. but when the game is going south on you, it is time for a new strategy. all in my opinion only, and worth every penny (shilling?) you paid for it...

quote:

Maybe if you send her a text something like...You have asked me to leave you alone, and I will respect your wishes since I want what is the best interest of our child. I am here if you need anything and really want to be there for you and our son. Let me know if I can do anything.

Should you choose to do that, take a breath, and include a thank you for letting you know. I realize it's a very difficult position to be in, but nonetheless just the position that unmarried fathers are in when it comes to these things. We just don't have any rights until the baby is born and legal paternity established if the mother chooses to make it difficult.
Oh and, congrats on your son

No i have not left any part of this story out i wish i had done something badly to have this treatment. I am a kind caring person who has been delt a bad hand in life, sometimes too soft, i hide nothing on this site iam am honest and upfront.

oh honey i am not saying you deserve this. none of us 'deserve' some of the awful things we've endured.

i am saying, now, what you are doing is not working.

i know what you are saying is right darl just am affraid of the future dont want to be having constent battles with the ex i want to get on as best as we can. i really appreciate your advice i really do x

First congratulations on your new son!!!

There is one thing I've learned it's not to have any potentially meaningful conversations by text message or email, b/c you can't really interpert how the other person is actually feeling. I do agree however, with Laurie about sending a weekly email and keeping copies for the future. The thing is if she responds to those emails let her know that you'll talk to her about them in person or on the phone but not via email/text. Things get miscontrued and complicated and by the sounds of it they are already complicated enough.

Hey hugostephen, Like I've said here before, there isn't alot you can do right now. I hate to be yet another person to repeat that cause I know what a hard time you are going through. When I joined SFV over a year ago I immediately identified with so many of the experiences others were sharing here. I can't tell you the number of times I felt like I was reading about my own life. When I first came here I was so consumed with confusion over what to do concerning my son and his mother. Over time alot of good people here drilled what I needed to hear into my head. You know, sometimes it's easier for someone who's been there and lived through it to see things from a different perspective. I had to accept a certain degree of things for the betterment of my son, his mother, and myself. We all have to make sacrifices for our kids. That's just the way it is. Sure, things are probably never going to be just as I would like involving my son. What I can do is be the best father I can be to him given the situation. And you know what? For the most part we are all okay. Could we be better? Who couldn't be? Just take a step back and when something like what you are telling us happens, ask yourself is it really worthwhile to stress about it? Is it really going to change the relationship you will have with your son once he arrives? As hard as it is you need to focus on that and not let your emotions cloud that. Stay in contact with your ex. I suggest a call once weekly. Keep a log of contacts. Offer your support and ask how she and your son are doing and leave it at that. You cannot force her to respond favorably. But you are doing the right thing to at least inquire and ask. You can do this. And by all means stay here to share the triumphs as well as the heartache. We'll be here to cheer you on.

rwe1dad thanks for your post it has given me the encouragement i needed its true, no point in stressing about things, i will be the best dad i can be to my son, a big thanks to you and everyone

Chin up Hun...I know it hurts like he)) now, but don't let that hurt run you down and don't allow it to torment you. We cannot control the choices of others, we can only control ours. Choose to be happy anyway. Choose to be strong in your weakest moments. You will rise ABOVE this. YOU are the father, no one can take that away from you. Perhaps teh relationship between you and the mother didn't work out, but that does not change the fact that you are this child's father....and apparantly, she (mom)is happy about the upcoming birth...that's a great sign. She is giving life to your baby boy. Congratulations on your son....he will carry on your family name...there will be all sorts of time with him later. Start planning now...they grow up so darn fast.
I wish you the best!
Peace

November 28th is the due date? My daughter's was Nov. 26th. She's gonna be 17 this fall.
Think as positively as you can. You can NOT force a relationship. You will drive her further away by being too pushy. Keep from all the "why is it over?" questions when you do see her. Let her know you are there should she ever need you and you will always be there for y'alls son.
Work on you and healing your inside person.....
Peace,

hugo, i'm not sure why your ex is being so hurtful, when according to you, you haven't done anything to make her hate you. she sounds extremely immature and selfish to me. afterall it would be in the best interest of your soon to be child to remain amicable. right now i honestly want to wring her neck (although i'm not suggesting you do that..just Kidding LOL).