Okay, this one has been building for a while, and tonight it seems that it is just sitting in my head and festering into an intolerable issue. As of late there has been PLENTY going on in my life. I did get that promotion that I was up for which means that I won’t have to worry about being able to afford daycare this summer, and I will also start a better shift in the fall. So all should be roses right…..dead wrong.

Two weeks ago, Jamie’s grandmother went into cardiac arrest during dialysis, and almost ended up bleeding to death. This is the grandmother that I am still close with. To make a long story short, the day that she was admitted to the Critical Care Unit at the hospital, Jamie decided to call me and demand that she be able to have Trey for the day so that she could take him to the hospital to see his grandma. This is the same day that she just about died to cardiac arrest and bleeding to death, and she was in a comatose state. I told her that I would call into work so that I could watch Trey for her and she could stay at the hospital with her grandma. I thought that was a genuinely good thing for me to offer, boy was I wrong. That started a war with Jamie. I tried to explain that at 2 years old, a child has no place being around or near that type of situation. They were actually telling the family at the hospital that Jamie’s grandma was not going to pull through. Jamie’s father’s entire side of the family was up there grieving, and a 2 year old cannot understand what is going on nor can he comprehend the severity of the situation. She turned that on me and told her entire family that I didn’t care about them and that I was doing everything in my power to prevent them from seeing Trey. Thankfully her father and I are still close and he straightened everything out, but needless to say, I ended up feeling like an *** for trying to do what I felt was right.

Fast forward a week. My water heater broke, and I needed to get it fixed. I called Jamie’s dad and asked him to come fix it. Before you say anything he is a self employed handyman, and yes I did pay him even though he tried to refuse the money. Anyway, while he was at my home, Jamie sent me a text message stating that I am holding items for her father that he wants and that I need to put them on my front step so she can come get them. I replied that he was at my house and that I would just let him take them. She then started telling me that I am withholding her possessions from her and that she is going to come get them immediately, even if she has to break into my home. I explained to her that all possessions that were in my home were in the hands of our attorneys and there were legal documents in the process of being drawn up so that we can deal with ALL the possessions, including the house and her car. She then went on a tangent and told me that I was a horrible person for trying to take my son away from his mother and that I have no idea what that will do to Trey and that he will never be the same again. Within 30 minutes I began getting text messages begging me to let her come over and discuss everything and settle all our differences out of court, because, and I quote, “This isn’t Trey’s fault”

Fast forward to Monday, and I am at work. I get a phone call from Jamie telling me that now her uncle is claiming that he has interest in some of the possessions at my home. Jamie told me that I was not to give anything to him. I told her that I legally am not allowed to let anything leave my home due to them being involved in legal affairs. She went ballistic. I received not one, but two text messages stating that she had legal documentation that I had signed regarding all the possessions at my home that belong to me, her, and her father that she was allowed to come by anytime that she wants and take whatever she wants. She then told me that I was going against my legal documents and that she was going to bring not only a police officer, but also her lawyer to my home and they were going to take everything that was left there.

Incase you are wondering, she has been in my home 3 different times to get her possessions out of my home. The only items that are left are disputed items that she and I both claim to have an interest in, and all the possessions that I have been storing for her father. The items that she is now demanding that I release to her are actually her father’s items. I have contacted him and he told me not to let anything leave, and my lawyer is also aware of the whole situation. The only legal documentation that we have currently regarding the property is in the proposals that have been sent on both my and her behalves, all of which have been rejected.

I am so damn tired of this stuff. It seems like every time I try to do something right, she has to come in and raise **** about it. The only reason that these items are in legal litigation is because they are disputed possessions, and she agreed to let our lawyers handle this. All of a sudden, she wants to deal with me directly about everything. The weird part is, ever since she started acting this way, when she shows up at my home to pick up Trey, she is polite, cooperative, and acts like nothing is wrong. It is eating at me, and I can’t understand why. She has even gone as far as to tell me that I need to find all of Trey’s old clothes that don’t fit him anymore that I have in boxes in storage, and give her ½ of them. I just don’t understand the logic or the justification behind any of this. I am trying to be civil and handle this like adults. And to set the record straight, I am NOT trying to take Trey away from his mother. I have offered her 2 nights a week from 5-10 and every other weekend as well as rotating holidays for visitation.

-J

I wish I could say that it's better to be alone than to have an ex that won't leave ya alone. But I can't. It's not.

I have a friend that went thru the same thing. His ex would do the same thing you're describing. His ex finally started to settle down after being divorced for 5 years. He no longer gets the crazy phone calls, lawyer ****, etc. Now that she knows that it isn't going to work, she's much nicer. But their son remembers all that she had done. He's not much into his mother now since he's older (13).

I hope it doesn't take 5 years for her to settle. Good luck and know that it will get better.....eventually.

Eli

I feel for you. Have you talked to your attorney about getting an agreement that she not talk or text message you, unless it is an emergency?

She should make most of these request through the attorneys.

I am not one that thinks that kids need both parents if one of them is still a child them selves.

Now mind you i'm not experienced in this field b/c i have a "deadbeat" but in my opinion when she starts her rants, all you should have to do is camly tell her do to what she think is right. if she brings the police, her lawyer, her dad over whats gonna happen? her dad is gonna tell the police that its his stuff and he wants it there, or the police are gonna tell her that its a legal matter to be settled in court, so let her bring them, she'll be the one that looks stupid. She's a woman, and i can tell you first hand that we can be very ........whats the word..........evil is a good one..........when we want to be. I am guilty of saying things just to get to old boyfriends (although this is more of a serious matter that mine was) that is all she is doing. She wants to get to you, and as long as you does and knows she does she'll continue to do it. You know that she cant do anything b/c this is going to court soon and she'll be outta luck. Yes she knows it will come up that she's not working or providing support anyway. So just as a suggestion, i wouldnt even respond to her text messages unless it pertains to Trey (like when she has to pick him up, doctors visits, etc) b/c to me all the threats arent justified and if u actually call her on it what is the worst she can do???
I know it hurts to have someone that u loved do this to you, but she's doing it to herself too. I hope you stay strong!

Remember, love your enemies it'll drive em crazy. Works like a charm.

Trey's daddy,
I went through all this...about 12 years ago. I killed him with kindness and it did not work...not even close. The nicer you are the more they see you like you're caving and try to make you think they want to work it out peacefully. The niceness confuses them...and their reaction to your niceness confuses you. Her threats are empty. No lawyer is going to come to your house...that in itself is rediculous, unless she is sleeping with them. The police may show up but all you have to do is tell them its in litigation (calmly) and they will handle her and her family (if they actually show up with her) Don't answer her calls if you avoid it. Tell your lawyer you are recieveing these calls and they are affecting your new job at work and the lawyer will get in touch with her lawyer.

Always remember though...in the end...these items will never love you back, and in a couple years you won't want them anymore. If its something you can part with and you are not really using it, just give it to her in trade for more parenting time. People like that want material things not what's really important.

I'm so sorry, she sounds like she's just grasping at whatever straws she can. And you seem like you're coming off so calm here...even if you don't feel it and that is probably driving her nuts.

I'm sorry- I hope this all gets resolved for you soon hun.

quote:

No lawyer is going to come to your house...that in itself is rediculous, unless she is sleeping with them.

LMAO!!!!

I did contact my lawyer regarding all this, and he has, yet again, contacted her attorney and told him that this needs to stop etc etc. My lawyer told me flat out that her attorney stated to him that there are NO legal documents and that Jamie is just spitting out random things. When he was told that Jamie also stated she would bring her attorney to my home, he literally laughed and stated that she will not be dragging him into anything. I told my lawyer to set up a time so that we can get everything, once and for all, out of my home. I am tired of dealing with everything, and I have also told my lawyer to tell her lawyer to make sure that all correspondence that is not dealing directly with my sons well being and safety is directed through him. Hopefully, she will get the point, and the two of them will crawl under their rock and leave me alone.

Sorry dude but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen. Once again I'd like to thank my kids' step-mom for being so fantastic. She keeps the ex from breathing down my neck and makes sure he watches his mouth about me in front of my kids. Thank you Lord for sending Tracy to me and my children!!!!

Seriously though, I think this is all going to continue until you get into court and get everything on paper in front of a judge. Even then it might continue for awhile considering both of you have the right to appeal the judges decisions. I hate that you have to go through all this.

I feel for you Trey's Daddy...I have had a very similiar week but not to the extent that you have had to deal with...I wish I had some good advice for you...so far, all I keep thinking is maybe once all the papers are signed I won't have to be his verbal punching bag any longer...Once he signs custody of the kids to me and he agrees to let me stay in my house, maybe I will stop caring when he sends me e-mails that make my head spin and calls me saying ridicoulus things...unfortunately, I realize it will take alot more than a signature on a piece of paper...I must say, your ex and my ex sound like two peas in a pod in the selfish, not playing with a full deck area! LOL...

Anyway, just wanted to say keep your chin up...there is a light at the end of the tunnel...

I feel for you too Trey's daddy... I wish I had an ounce of advice for you but, I can say that she seems to be very confused... she wants her things but doesnt but does and cant seem to remember what is really going on here.. I just hope you stay strong to what you truly feel is right.. cause you are right. You are such a kind, calm, understanding person who takes deep consideration into what your child needs and what he should not be around and she just seems to be losing it!

I can't believe she is still doing all this ****. I bet she was furious when she got caught in the lie when her father was at your house. Is she on drugs? Her behavior is so wild I can't even believe most of it. She goes from pretending everything is alright to threatening you back to being polite and then bringing her boyfriend over to irritate you. And I dont get the thing about Trey's baby clothes. Is that some weird attempt to appear maternal?

Court date can't come too soon.

Sorry she's still driving you nuts.

That really sucks but you are doing everything right. She sounds like she is desprit beyond means and has nothing better todo but to make you miserable. I dont think anyone has said this but with her grandma in the hospital your son wouldnt of been able to see her. My grandma was having brain surgery and we flew from Alaska to Arizona and she wasnt allowed in. She was a premature and it was a good thing because we had to sneek her in. But yours is older and for her sake wouldnt of been let in. I think that its smart you get her **** out as soon as posible. Good luck and I hope things get better.

what a mess! i am so sorry. i know how irritating all of this can be.

I really think she is just trying to play mind games with you at this point! And I really can't understand why. The only suggestion I can make is have conversations through text from now on........and tell her not to call! I know this is difficult with Trey, but seeing how she goes from one extreme to the other, what else can you do? I would be very adamant about explaining to my lawyer that she continues to harass you about stuff that she knows you two have to settle in court and she's just gonna have to accept that.

What I want to know though is what kind of visitation do you two have set-up until you go to court?

Sometimes in such a family distress, the stress one carries is not handled appropriately and obviously she doesn't know how to handle situations...all I can say is don't panic remain calm...only time can resolve such issues and time will resolve them. Handle what is most important to you and most urgent, the rest leave until you have room for emotionally and mentally. I call it the process of elimination one step at a time. Anyway, that is just my own personal survival strategy I use, and so far it works....I don't have those kinds of headaches anymore, but my son is no longer 2 now he is 13, so time, patience and persistance does help to heal wounds or at least make things better.