one would think a mother of 6 would have this parenting thing down by now, but they are all so different, and these last two seem to be quite a challenge or maybe it's me ??? would really like input or reality checks as you have it..

Oh yes! I just have one 16-year-old boy. I cannot imagine six kids!
This one has already put me years ahead of my actual age.. but I am taking it in stride. Venting here and getting assurance sure helps when needed. Welcome and hope we can help you.

Thank you very much...my teenager is a girl of 15, and her sister of 10.... our life is fianlly smoothing out from a very nasty divorce.I have to work quite a bit to keep us going, am so thankful to be working days now, but a few months ago she announced that she was bi, I'd never heard anything like this before..as I am to understand from her...some of the new friends she had made were..and the guys thought is was really cool...not sure if this is a cry for attention or what ???

oh my...

I don't have girls but i do have one teenage boy and another almost a teen.

I would take it for a grain of salt right now since many teens believe its a "trendy" thing to do. Continue your beliefs in proper house behavior and rules. Don't bend on it regardless if her "interest" at the moment is a boy or a girl.

She may find she doesn't like the kind of attention she is getting. My son keeps changing his "persona" in middle school by hanging out with different groups of people weekly. It's slowing down now and I think he realized he's comfortable in his own shoes. (I'm so glad he is not trying to breakdance anymore and he strayed away from what he calls the "emo" click... whew I almost refuse to buy anything that was the shade of black in the summer).

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Originally posted by mom2416:
Thank you very much...my teenager is a girl of 15, but a few months ago she announced that she was bi, I'd never heard anything like this before..as I am to understand from her...some of the new friends she had made were..and the guys thought is was really cool...not sure if this is a cry for attention or what ???

Ah....welcome to my world. I really wouldn't worry about it too much.....seriously. My daughter just turned 15 last Thursday, she has said that she is bi for over a year already. The last thing I'm going to do is make a big deal out of it. She actually did have a girlfriend in 8th grade for a little while, and at least one other that she was considering "going out" with that year also. She currently has a bf that she's been seeing for 11 months now, though yes she still says that she is bi....at one point when she was having problems with her bf, if they had broke up there was a girl that she was interested in and that was interested in her. (yes we really do talk about this stuff)
She had also been "emo" for a little while and now is some type of goth/rocker ....I'm not sure exactly which of the three goth's she is...other than it isn't the mall goth LOL I just learned this last weekend that there are apparently 3 types of goth.
Here's my take on it, she isn't doing drugs and in fact is dead set against them especially since she has seen first hand the wreckage from it with her mom, and some stories of my past. She does well in school. For a teenage girl she shows me plenty of respect
Also since you're pretty new, I'll briefly tell you that over the last several years we had been dealing with her cutting on herself, doing a TON of counseling.....all of which originated from emotions about her mom. She hasn't been doing that at all now and truly seems to be on an even keel with her emotions, well for a teenager that is
Alright, don't let all that scare you...but I just had to put in my 2 cents on the subject. I figure I won't try to stifle her and who she wants to be as long as she is being a good person, responsible, etc.....and isn't giving dad more grey hair worrying about the emotional stuff. I'm actually very proud of her.

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Ok maybe I've been on the moon lately but when did the bi thing get so popular? I

I monitor my son's myspace page and make sure he doesn't create a duo profile (one for mom and one for everyone else). I make him delete profiles that aren't appropriate and there were some profiles where girls were suggestively kissing or friendly. My first thought was, if someone was truely bi... why advertise unless you were trying to spark gossip.

(what i mean by appropriate is that I really discourage my son from getting involved in the popularity game)

Yeah I don't know Amy. It's hard to watch these girls get "eyeballed" without going off on someone. I usually can get my message across without a word though. They don't like it much when they see the look on my face that lets them know that I don't appreciate the perverted thoughts going through their mind. There was a time several years ago though that the guys that lived across the street didn't seem to care. I speak very little Spanish, but got my message across.....at least about that. I still had to speak to the guy that actually owned the house to get them to quit squealing their tires down the street though, they thought it was funny when I yelled about that

I've said it before I'll say it again, I'm SOOOOOO glad I don't have daughters - and bow down in respect to all of you who do.

And Donnie, 3 kinds of Goth? Bi? Girlfriend? Wowsers.....

Whatever happened to being secretive about your sexuality? Who tells their parents these things? My daughter will be 7 this summer. I start hyperventilating just thinking about her being a teenager. Mainly because I know what I was doing when I was 16--and I did NOT tell my parents about it.

I know that's not exactly productive advice. If you find a solution to the teenage girl thing, let me know.

Ok...so I have a 20 year old DD ..and now a 13year old DD.

I can tell you that they pick up ALL KINDS of things from their friends. Everything from *ex positions to keep you from getting pregnant to "Oh him? He's gay...no big deal". Now while some would say...they love the fact their daughter is so accepting. I, do not...in fact with 2 teenage daughters I've been exposed to LOTS of juvenile girls and their talk, thoughts and ideas.

I can tell you that in most school circles, it IS an acceptance or popularity thing ....plus in some, it's a definite sign of looking for love and approval ANYWHERE they can get it.

This seems to be especially common in divorced families where the children see the parents and the LEAST secure place to find love and acceptance.

Yeah, I know...not what you wanted to hear...me either.

sometimes it seems like all the women under 25 or so are bi. It's more accurate to assume they are than to assume they aren't. Not that I advocate assumptions

I had 3 sisters growing up. I remember how crazy they acted during their teens. I couldn't stand it as a brother, how will I do it as a father?!?!?!

My oldest is 9 which means soon she'll be 10 then 11. Then she'll be a PRETEEN which means soon she'll be a TEEN! Alarm bells are going off in my head... blood pressure rising... OK time to close off that part of my brain once more

My daughter will never be a teen. Ever. She will always be my little girl who loves daddy and does what he says. Ok, I feel better already.

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My daughter will never be a teen. Ever.

LOL. Yeah, keep telling yourself that....

My oldest daughter is 8 not a teen yet..she seems to think she is sometimes though lol I am not looking forward to those teen years either..but I have been preparing for them for years. She knows now what the rules will be when she stars dating and wanting to hang out with her friends. I like the fact that her freinds always want to come here I feel like if as they get older I can keep my house as a fun but safe place for her and her friends. They can come when ever they want and I can keep an eye on who she is friends with and what they are doing..unfortunatlly you never know what is going on inside someone elses home. Her friends coming here but her not really being allowed to go there. That makes me a hypocrit I guess..but I am not above doing anything I can to protect my kids.

After reading some of this I am thinking
I have only five more years before she is a teen to drill stuff into her head..I better go get to work lol

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And Donnie, 3 kinds of Goth? Bi? Girlfriend? Wowsers.....

No wonder where the gray hair comes from huh?

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Who tells their parents these things?

I may not always hear what I want to hear, but I'm still thankful that I get to hear a lot of what goes on between her ears. I started planting the seeds for her to know that she really could come talk to me about anything from very early on. I would always give her respect for her opinions even if I disagreed. I'm open minded about some things, meanwhile there are others that I do not budge about...and I typically am shown respect in return for those.

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Her friends coming here but her not really being allowed to go there. That makes me a hypocrit I guess

No it doesn't make you a hypocrite. As "open minded" as I probably seem with some of this, there are other parents out there that I'd much rather not have my daughter over there visiting. There's a difference between allowing fun as you say, and just allowing anything rather than hassle with keeping some ground rules. One thing that drives me up a freakin wall is when I hear some of these kids basically tell their parents what is and isn't going to happen. Or watching some parents just not even try to actually discipline them and/or follow through because they don't want to deal with an "attitude" or seemingly just not want to put the time into it. So no you're not a hypocrite by any means, much better to know what they are up to than hope that they aren't just completely unsupervised or whatever elsewhere.

I hope that when mine are at this age I still "know" you guys so I can come to you for some experienced advice..Just incase the drilling doesn't work!!!!
Really though as much as I feel I am preparing for those tough years. I am realistic and know there is always going to be something thrown at us as parents that we were not expecting. The best we can do is love and support our childern no matter what and if they do go "astray" lead them back home and help them figure out what lead them to make those choices.

3 kinds of Goth?? I had no idea..see I do have alot to learn in five years.

Feeling lots of pitty for all of you.LOL

I googled Goth types and came up with hits that stated a lot more than three, some of them quite scary even. However according to the teens this weekend they have them categorized in just 3 types, I'll have to ask again what the other two types were. I had a half a dozen here this weekend for a bday party/sleepover, quite educational.

Well I dont have teenagers (not for 10more years!) But I just left my teen years behind 2 months ago(age wise, mentaly..about 4 years ago, lol) But since Im 'young' I jsut wanted to put in my 2 cents.
I know girls in highscool said they were bi..but it was jsut to be cool with (ironically) the guys, lol. I was/am very close to my dad..but honestly if i hadn't got pregnant..still to this day i dont think i'd tell him i ever had ***. I've been told all about it, protection, and everything (and yes a condom was worn when I got pregnant)..i just think somethings are more to talk to your friends about not your parents lol... Im sure its a good thing that your daughters are so open with you all..but to me it seems weird.
Theres only so much a parent can do..now that i'm one i realize where all parents come from, on wanting to protect and make sure theyre always happy, etc...but i also understand that you really cant...they'l find ways to get around rules and do their own thing..which yes i dread the days my kids are like i was..such a little time ago.
Kudos to you all on having such open seemlingly open relationships with your daughters, people say it gets easier with time..but ive realized a while ago..thats not the case..not even a little bit!

Well from the sounds of it Katie is even more "advanced" than Amanda was at that age. We had the same thing then, people thinking she was already 14 but she was still only a B cup then.....geez, how strange is it for a dad to know that sort of thing But that's what happens when dad has to deal with the "woman" changes, and bra shopping etc.
I had forgotten about what had happened when you were young, not that I know details, but I knew that something had happened. No doubt that would make it even tougher....

Kimmie, you are quite right in that teens will often try to do things regardless of their upbringing and the "house rules". I do still remember what I was up to back then. I think that at least some, if not a lot of that had to do with I had a TON of rules growing up with no real communication. And I do consider myself quite lucky to have this sort of communication/understanding with my teen. It certainly isn't perfect as nothing ever is but I'm grateful nonetheless.

Communication is important. I agree. I've noticed it has been a hard balance sometimes, knowing when to be firm about issues and when to not be too critical when he makes a mistake.

So far my teen tells me most things though he has stopped talking about girls so much to me. He tends to keep a "mom" version and sometimes asks why girls behave a certain way.

Major rules are about grades, school, and after school activities.

Amy.... Katie is so blessed to have a mom like you. The advice I've seen you give others on here makes me wish I had a mom just like you sometimes. It would have made my growing up years nice

Here another mother of a teenager (son of 16).

I'm lucky in that he hasn't run wild or got in with the wrong crowd. He's very responsible and always phones me to let me know where he is, or if he is going to be later etc. (rules I laid down).
But school seems to have gone down the tube, everything is more interesting than doing homework!!! I hope he turns it around before it's too late!!

I used to laugh at what my brother-in-law used to say - not laughing any more tho..........

"small kids, small problems, big kids, big problems"..........

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Originally posted by Don:

I may not always hear what I want to hear, but I'm still thankful that I get to hear a lot of what goes on between her ears. I started planting the seeds for her to know that she really could come talk to me about anything from very early on. I would always give her respect for her opinions even if I disagreed. I'm open minded about some things, meanwhile there are others that I do not budge about...and I typically am shown respect in return for those.

Don, I hope by the time my daughter is a teenager I will be as well adjusted as you and prepared to hear these kinds of things. I'm just not there yet.