... he wanted to discuss their visitation this summer. So far he has said the cost of gas is preventing him from visiting (whatever) and his new house needs a new roof.

blah blah blah blah.... he finally says, "the reason I divorced you was because I couldn't get used to your mood swings after (our 2nd child) was born." That's a new one, besides, I divorced him after a 2 year separation from his disappearing act.

then he calls me by his latest girlfriends name.

Do I even feel comfortable with my children over at their dads? Well.... at least they are old enough to lock him in the closet and dial 911.

I'm not going to get mixed up with his delusions.... I'm not going to get mixed up with his delusions.... thank goodness I bit my tongue and he couldn't see me rolling my eyes.

Anyone else with communication problems :P

Those conversations can be SO draining, Tess.
I'm right there with you.

That is why I limit my conversations, as best as I can, to email only.

Tess I'm so with you on that. I divorced my ex although his story to everyone is that he divorced me. Go figure....and the name thing...yea he's done it too. But the best part was that he did it while we were in court LMAO. Such a shame it was off the record though LOL.

But like it has already been said those convos can be quite draining and frustrating....and I definitely keep mine to email unless he calls to speak to his son...which is maybe once a month? Eh go figure.

Hi Tess,
My divorce finalized on April 4, 2008, we got a visitation in place and on the 4th it was his holiday and he announced he had other plans and that i forgot to tell him. Yesterday(my birthday) he took our children to Florida for a vacation(his week) he made a big deal that I wanted to drop off the children so I , said whatever. Once they got to Florida, my yongest called and told me that his girlfriends was there with them. He never told me, Lizzie is 7 and said she's sleeping with daddy and they are not married, he then started fights on the phone hanging up and even allowing his sister to hang up. I don't know this woan or anything about her. Men (some) make conversation hard just to keep pushing your buttons. The best thing is to ignore him and concentrate on you and your children.

Hi Sweet Tea,
You are 100% right about email. Mine will not even do that.

quote:

Originally posted by Tessmit:Anyone else with communication problems :P

Major! This morning was really bad. I had to be at work earlier than normal, and told him i would bring J with me & call him around 10:30 to sneak away from work & drive J over to his apt. So...why oh why does he call my cell at 8am & act surprised that i'm at work & go on to tell me he's stuck at a friends house (he doesn't have a car/license) WTF??? Sooo, he asks if i can meet him at his place of employment & drive them to his apt. Again, WTF??? It's not easy to have J here at work w/ me, so i agreed to it. He gets in the car w/ alcohol just reeking out of his pores *sigh*. Then he actually has the nerve to start shi_t. He says 'i can't believe you don't like Js haircut, i think it looks cute'. Mind you he's saying this in front of our child! I say i think he looks great, and that i just wish he'd have used a 2 rather than shaving him bald where i have to be conscious of putting on sunscreen in the morning & OFF in the evening. He then goes on & on about how J asked for the haircut & how he really wanted a mohawk & at least he didn't give him that & he was just thinking of me & saving me some money... Anyway i told him to shut up & quit dredging up things. He laughed hysterically at me. Alot of nerve for a guy who i'm currently doing a favor for - sheesh. He proceeds to make fun of my sunglasses...

quote:

Originally posted by Tessmit:
Anyone else with communication problems :P

Well, when I talk to my ex she just walks off disinterested. So I don't bother much anymore. I guess that's a communication problem

As for the not being able to afford the gas, from what you've said of him before, that sounds like a load of crock. Didn't he pretend he was broke to avoid support?

Hey Tess
Was in court last Thursday and "Her" lawyer asked if it was ok to do a 4 way (me, her and both lawyers).
I said ok, my lawyer thought it was a good time to talk about this divorce, so "Her" lawyer says ok let go and find "She".
about 5 min. later "She" lawyer comes back and say that "She" didn't want to have a 4 way so it was just the lawyers.
WTF

It's been 1 year and 3 months and "She" still wont talk to me.

communication problems?
who me.
naaaaaaaaaaa

Dawg

I just agree to what the idiot is saying to get him off the phone. Prime example today I called to tell him how to get in to "my house" the one I'm paying the $1300 mortgage on b/c he has no money...yeah right...and he proceeds to tell me it isnt' clean enough so he'll do me a favor and keep the kids until Sat. night so I can clean house....geez thanks you a**. I felt like telling him he could take it and shove it up his you know where. Instead I simply said well if you were paying me what the actual divorce decree says you sould be then I could afford a maid and we'd all be happy. He shut up then b/c he's afraid of my lawyer. I'm doing him a favor by letting him not pay $500 of what he owes me each month and he's still going to act like that...seriously. Later today he called apologizing to which I simply stated fine and asked to speak to the boys. I'd much rather not speak to him at all in any form most of the time.

I hate putting my foot down with the ex when he's so good at saying he's a victim. He told the boys he saves up all year so he could have a good summer with them... at least that's what he said last year. When he called and said he couldn't afford gas, my youngest asked him gas was really expensive because he thought he saved all year. Oh well... I give them the "I don't know what's going on at your dad's. Ask him"

quote:

As for the not being able to afford the gas, from what you've said of him before, that sounds like a load of crock. Didn't he pretend he was broke to avoid support?

Sort of Michail ... He said he was broke and I said before or after you bought 12 acres, 2 vehicles, and helped your mom open a small shop.

quote:

It's been 1 year and 3 months and "She" still wont talk to me.

Dawg, I kinda like it that way .... I managed to not speak to my EX for 2 years. When he managed to get me on the phone he had a potty mouth so I hung up. IDK... I don't think he likes my sarcasm when he tells me he's broke.

My3boys,

That's kinda cool you were able to get him to apologize and the same day too!

Hanzi,

Yikes! You give him an inch and he takes a foot... sigh... reminds me of my EX.

gdenise,
That happend to me in the past too. I told my boys if they had any questions to go and knock on their dad's door and ask them anything that was on their mind. :| . . . When my boys were under 10.... ummm I think dad had a great time trying to figure out how to explain the friend in the bedroom. I only guess this because he asked the boys if "your mother put you up to this... didn't she?" (Not really, I didn't want to explain anything)

gggrrrrrr... EXs ... wish it could be peaceful.

Man we all know how to pickem huh lol. My ex and I can talk just as long as it isnt the kids. Whenever she tries to say anything about them it strikes a chord with me and it usually goes south from there.

Wow, this really gives me insight into how I am perceived by the ex. I try not to be the way an ex is. It's just that we all still have to remember that there are two sides to everything, and while we feel we are in the right, so does the other person. It's been my and my ex's inability to come to terms with accepting that, that has caused so many problems between us. We argue and fight, swear at each other, make threats, then we both get off the phone and well I wonder why she's being that way, and try to figure out why I got the way I did. To be honest, I don't think she thinks that way (she never struck me as being introspective), but I never know.

It no longer pays to wonder why or to even ask why they do what they do. My boat's been tossed around a bit too much this past week, I need to settler her down again and get myself back on track.

So yeah, to answer the question, there are communication problems, galore!!!

N4J

???

I agree there's 2 sides to every story, my point was the BS. It doesn't really benefit us to communicate at all. We are past the slinging insult stage a while ago... at least I quit and just ignore him.

It was a conversation about summer visitation then all the sudden he makes more promises, tells the boys BS, brings up why he thinks we're divorced, and calls me by his gf's name.

At least I don't feel so alone about useless communication.

Tess,

Sorry, one of things I do a lot of is turn things to what's happened to me. Something I work on when I realize I'm doing it.

I think most here have been single for longer than me, so I can only guess that the communication gets better with time. I think you're doing a great job of ignoring and just letting it go. Him still hanging onto the past, I just imagine makes things tough.

That's okay N4J. My EX seems to put me in a bad mood.

I've been single too long. Tonight I'm wishing I can be in the middle of the bay staring at the stars in a warm embrace... and make the world disappear.

quote:

Originally posted by Tessmit:
Anyone else with communication problems :P

This is why 99% of my communicating with him is done in email with his mother.

I had a short chat with my EX last night, basically told her that I want to be at peace with her.

Tess, sitting on the water sounds very calming. Heck sitting on the beach staring at the stars would do it for me, with a bonfire.