I came across this survey and found it to be interesting. Some of it is obvious of what we shouldn't say or do as parents but I'd have to admit, there are some things on this list I'm guilty of I guess old patterns are hard to break.

Does your mother or father (or you)..

1. Tend to be unforgiving? Does s/he say things like "I will never be able to forgive you for that." or "If you do so and so I would never be able to forgive you."

2. Does s/he make unforgiving comments about other people by saying things like "What he did was unforgivable."

3. Is it hard or impossible for your mother/father to admit mistakes?

4. Does your mother/father always have to have the last word?

5. Is it important for him/her that s/he always appears to be right and to win all the arguements?

6. Does your mother/father make you feel responsible for his/her feelings (for his/her happiness or unhappiness or hurt or disappointments)?

7. Does s/he tell you s/he is disappointed in you?

8. Does s/he ever tell you that you don't deserve things? For example, "You don't deserve all the things your father and I do for you."

9. Does s/he try to get you to question your own intelligence by saying things like "You think you are so smart. But you are not." or "You are not smart as you like to think you are." Or "If you are so smart, how can you do something so stupid.?" or "Why didn't you think of that?"

10. Does s/he say things like "You could do better" in a disapproving way?

11. When you say something which is too close to the truth or when you point out how s/he is acting hypocriticaly does s/he feel threatened and say things like: "Don't get smart with me" or "That's absurd" or "You have no idea what you are talking about" or "What gives you the right to say that?" or "How dare you say that?"

12. Does s/he threaten you with statements like "If you ever do that again..." or "The next time I catch you..." Or "This is the last time..."

13. Does s/he punish you with grounding, taking away the phone, tv, computer etc.?

14. Does s/he threaten you with total rejection by saying things like: "Get out of the house and never come back." or "I don't want to ever talk to you again." or "If you leave, don't plan on coming back."

15. Has s/he ever locked you out of the house?

16. Does s/he make you believe you are a bad daughter or son by saying things like "What did I do to deserve you?" or "All the other parents have children who listen to them and respect them, but I got stuck with you." or "Why can't you be like so and so? S/he never talks back to her mother/father." or "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?"

17. Do you ever feel hated by him/her?

18. Does s/he tell you what you "should" do a lot?

19. Has s/he ever hit you on the arms, back, shoulders or head?

20. Has s/he ever pulled you by the hair?

21. Has s/he ever try to physically stop you from getting out of the house?

22. Has s/he ever pulled the phone line out when you were talking on it? (Or taken it out of your hands and hung up?)

23. Has s/he ever disconnected the computer while you were on it?

24. Has s/he ever slapped you in the face?

25. Has s/he slapped you in the past 6 months?

26 Has s/he slapped you in the past 30 days?

27. Does s/he say things like "Oh great. This is all I need" or "This is just what I need right now" in a sarcastic way?

28. Does s/he say things like "I can't believe you would do something like that!" or 'I can't believe you would think that!" or "How could you say a thing like that?"

29. Do you find yourself apologzing a lot to your mother/father?

30. Does s/he make exaggerated threats like "If you don't do so and so, you are going to be grounded for the rest of your life."

31. Does s/he make vague threats like "Either do it or else" or "There is going to be big trouble around here..."

32. Has s/he ever said "I didn't ask you what you wanted!"

33. Does s/he ever say things like, "When you are living in my house you will follow my rules."

34. Does s/he ever say "Don't you dare...."

35. Does s/he say things like "Don't talk to me like that." or "That is no way you talk to your mother/father!" or "Don't ever let me hear you say that again."

36. Does s/he say things like "Don't be so disrespectful."

37. Does s/he say things like "Don't be so rude."

38. Does s/he say things like "Don't be so selfish."

39. Does s/he say things like "Don't be so inconsiderate."

40. When you ask him/her for explanations does s/he say things like: "Because it isn't normal." or "Because it is not the done thing." Or "Because you just don't do that." or "Because it is sick." or "Because it is strange"

41. When you ask him/her for explanations does s/he say things like: "Because it is wrong." or "Because it is a sin."

42. When you ask him/her for explanations does s/he say things like: "Because I said so." or "Because I know more than you." or "When you are older you will understand."

43. Does s/he say things like, "I don't want to hear anymore about it."

44. Does s/he say things like, "Don't get fresh with me young lady!"

45. Does s/he get hurt easily?

46. Does s/he get defensive easily?

47. Do you ever say things like "My mother/father would kill me if..."

48. Do you ever tell yourself or others that you can't do things because it would hurt your mother/father too much?

49. Does s/he say things like: "You can keep your comments to yourself" or "I don't want to hear any of your excuses." or "Save it. I am not interested." or "I don't remembering asking for your opinion." or "I don't need your smart mouth." or "I don't need any back talk from you." or "Who asked you?" or "Did I ask you what you wanted?"

50. Does s/he say things like, "Don't walk away from me when I am talking to you."?

51. Does s/he say things like, "Look at me when I am talking to you."

52. Does s/he interrupt you when you are talking?

53. If someone asks you a question, does s/he sometimes answer it before you have a chance to?

54. If someone asks you a question when your mother/father is with you, do you sometimes look over to her before you answer it?

55. If someone asks you a question when your mother/father is with you, are you sometimes afraid to give the true answer?

56. Would you lie about being hurt or abused by someone, such as a father or step-father, to avoid hurting your mother or to keep the family together?

57. DSSTL "Well, I told you that was a bad idea, didn't I?" or "I warned you that would happen, but you didn't listen, did you?"

58. Does s/he ask questions that include the answer, such as "That wasn't very polite of you, was it?" or "You left the milk out again, didn't you?"

59. DSSTL "Who do you think you are talking to me like that?"

60. DSSTL "I am the one who is supposed to be asking the questions."

61. DSSSTL "You look like a tramp." or "You look like a ****."

62. Does s/he try to control what you wear by saying things like "You're not going out dressed like that I hope." or "Don't wear those shoes with that outfit. They don't match." or "Why don't you wear your red dress to the party?"

63. Does she buy you things you don't really want and then feel hurt if you try to tell her they are not what you wanted?

64. Does s/he tell you how to do your hair?

65. Does s/he start brushing your hair or changing it without asking you in a way that you would prefer s/he didn't?

66. Does s/he argue with you about your clothes or hair?

67. Do you often feel interrogated with a lot of questions like "Why is this towel here?" "Why are your shoes in the middle of the floor?" "Why did you take that glass instead of a smaller one?" "Why can't you go to her house later?"

68. Does s/he want to know who you are talking to on the telephone or chatting with on the Internet?

69. Does s/he pry in to your private life?

70. Has s/he ever read your diary without your permission?

71. Does s/he come into your room without knocking or waiting for you to answer?

72. Does s/he taunt you by saying things like: "If I am such a bad mother why don't you just go live somewhere else."

73. Does s/he intimidate you with statements like, "You are going to kill your father if you keep that up." or "You are going to break my heart if you do so and so." or "You are going to be the death of me."

74. Does s/he imply that you are a bad influence on younger brothers or sisters?

75. Does s/he just expect you to do things around the house without thanking you?

76. Does s/he say things like "What did I just tell you?" or "Were you listening to anything I just said?" "How many times do I have to tell you?"

77. Does s/he ask you questions about herself which are designed to make you feel guitly such as "Why do you hate me?" "Why do you think I am such a horrible mother/father?"

78. Does s/he often give you the "silent treatement" to show her disapproval, as a form of control, or to induce guilty feelings?

79. Does s/he want you to act happy even when you are not?

80. Does s/he lie to you or to others?

81. Does s/he deny things which you know for a fact are true?

82. Does s/he take things personally when they were not meant to be about her?

83. DSSTL "I know you better than you know yourself"?

84. Does s/he often begin sentences with, "I need you to..."?

85. Does s/he often begin sentences with, "You need to..."?

86. Does s/he often begin sentences with, "You have to..."?

87. Does s/he say things like "Don't be so paranoid?"

88. DSSTL "You are too sensitive."?

89. DSSTL "Don't be so dramatic."?

90. DSSTL, "Don't think so much."

91. DSSTL, "Why don't you ever smile?"

92. DSSTL "Smile," "Cheer up."?

93. DSSTL, "Go to your room until you can pull yourself together?"

94. DSSTL, "Go to your room until I tell you to come out?"

95. DSSTL "With everything I do for you, the least you can do is..."?

96. DSSTL "What's the problem? Why are you crying?"

97. DSSTL "What's wrong with you?" ... in a judgmental or disapproving tone?

98. DSSTL "You are a disgrace to the family"?

99. DSSTL "If you want to be treated like an adult, you will have to act like one"?

101. Has your s/he ever thrown things at you?

102. Does s/he tell you not to tell people about problems in the family?

103. Has s/he ever gotten angry at you for telling someone something about the family?

104. Has s/he ever gotten angry at you for telling someone you are depressed?

105. Has s/he ever told you to stop crying?

106. Does s/he often tell you to stop complaining?

107. Does s/he often complain about how your room looks?

108. Are there a lot of things you are afraid to tell her?

109. Does your mother frequently remind you how old you are?

109. Does she tell you that you can't do a lot of things you want to do because you are too young or too immature?

110. Does s/he blame you for not being able to do the things she wanted to with her life?

111. Does s/he blame you for things which were not your fault, such as "You are the reason your father left." or "You are the reason your father started drinking again."

112. Have you ever seen your mother/father drunk?

113. Have you seen your mother/father drunk in the last 2 weeks?

..................................
Ok, I have waaay too much time on my hands. lol

Holy cow - 113 of them ?? Well I read thru some, and at around 3-6 (plenty of others apply as well) I realized it was talking about my ex ! LMAO.

Jeez...that's one helluva list.

Some of these don't seem like they'd make you a bad parent. Like these:
13. Does s/he punish you with grounding, taking away the phone, tv, computer etc.?
92. DSSTL "Smile," "Cheer up."?


Some of these, doctors instruct me to to do (because of my son's diagnosis). Like these:
51. Does s/he say things like, "Look at me when I am talking to you."
76. Does s/he say things like "What did I just tell you?" or "Were you listening to anything I just said?"

Thank gawd for Bobby! I feel a lot better. I was looking at this list thinking .. these are all suppose to be bad?? The link I got it from didn't have anything more than what I've cut and pasted so I'm not sure what the purpose is. I know I've caught myself saying things like,

7. Does s/he tell you s/he is disappointed in you?

10. Does s/he say things like "You could do better" in a disapproving way?

12. Does s/he threaten you with statements like "If you ever do that again..." or "The next time I catch you..." Or "This is the last time..."

18. Does s/he tell you what you "should" do a lot?

.. and that's all I'm going to admit to for now. lol

So, is there a point to this list? It seems like there are some really abusive things mixed in with some perfectly normal things that ALL parents do.

quote:

Originally posted by miss jes:
Thank gawd for Bobby!

Wow...that's something I never thought I'd hear you say.

And good thing you thanked gawd. God would've offended me

And Missabb...go to chat...there's a buncha people there.

Later,
Bobby

quote:

Originally posted by BigBobby: Wow...that's something I never thought I'd hear you say.

Really? Didn't you know you're the wind beneath my wings?

missabb, apparently this is a parent survey I found online. I actually thought the entire thing was considered wrong which is why I posted it.

quote:

Originally posted by miss jes:
Really? Didn't you know you're the wind beneath my wings?

Hmmm...well, in that case. Would it kill you to put on some deoderant? You could stand to shave a little too...

quote:

Originally posted by BigBobby:

quote:

Originally posted by miss jes:
Really? Didn't you know you're the wind beneath my wings?

Hmmm...well, in that case. Would it kill you to put on some deoderant? You could stand to shave a little too...

Humor Coach note: this is the point where you add a smiley face indicating a humorous comment...

Wow...really?

I really had no idea...

Yes, that's why I said it.

quote:

Originally posted by BigBobby:

Hmmm...well, in that case. Would it kill you to put on some deoderant? You could stand to shave a little too...

Bobby Bobby, didn't you know? I'm Italian!

Hey, you got my jokes without the smilies

quote:

Originally posted by BigBobby:
Hey, you got my jokes without the smilies

Another proud moment in the life of young Bobby......

quote:

Originally posted by BigBobby:
Hey, you got my jokes without the smilies

Actually no, I didn't at first. How dare you insult my pits!!

quote:

Actually no, I didn't at first. How dare you insult my pits!!

His dreams of being understood shattered young Bobby limps on to his next big disappointment in life....