My daughter is turning one tomorow and her father wants to go to the party that I am having. I told him no and his responce is that i shouldnt sleep at home because he's going to take her and leave. I guess I should exlpain him. Um we were dateing for about 3 months and he wanted to have *** and I just didnt feel comfortable yet. He was getting pissed off and I was about to end it. We went to a party that a mutual friend was having. I am severly allegic to alot of foods so I have to take medicine but when I do that I can have no alcohol not even cough syrup or I black out. Well he knew that and when I have to take the meds he got me a coke and sure enough about 30 min later I have no clue what happend the rest of the night. It wasnt until I woke up with him in my bed that I knew what was going on. I broke up with him and thought that it was going to be enough. I didnt tell anyone because my father is the pastor in a town of 1000 in bush Alaska and the whole town would of known and I was ashamed and blamed myself. Well 7 and 1/2 months later I got home from working a 12 hour shift and my back hurt and wouldnt stop for like 6 hours. I went to the er and Taylor Renee was born an hour later. I honest to God dont remember what happened that night to this day. I had a period the whole time and only gained 19 pounds. I went up 1 pants size, no morning sickness. All I can hope is the next pregnancy is that easy! Well there is no father on her birth certificate because I didnt want him involved. I told no one who the father was and got alot of **** for it. The friend who had the party did the math and figured out when it would of happened and told Jake (the father) that he needed to step up that she knew what happened and he has to man up. So what does he do he gets drunk the comes over at 3 am and demands to see her. I tell him no that is below 0 and snowing and Im not bringing her outside. He told me then that he was going to kill me and take her so be ready. I called the cops and filed for a restraining order to find out that he has to do this 3 times because there was no weapon. I told him that if he wanted to see her then we could go to court but until a judge tells me that I have to let him see her hes not going to. He said that hes not going to pay child support that if I could do it for the last 9 months that I could continue on my own. He showed up to my fathers church and made a scene outside because when I saw him I left out the back door. Im trying not to make a scene but I dont trust him and want nothing of him in our lifes. Im in the process of trying to file a rape charge but every where I go people stop when I tell them that we were dating and they say that its to hard to prove. He is refusing to go to court for custody says that its not needed. Im moving back to Arizona and he says that if I leave the state he is going to get me for kidnapping. But he wont take a paternity test (that I know will prove him the father) and hes not on the birth certificate. Im not being a bitch right and not letting things go. I shouldnt have to let this go. I sick of being ashamed and guilty. It took me over 6 months to even feel like Taylor's mother and not a baby sitter. My pregnancy lasted and hour! I was 19 and alone for most of it because I was ashamed and afraid to call my parents. I never want my daughter to feel that way. He isnt apart of my family and certainly not a friend so I dont think that he should be at her party. Im sorry Im rambling but its easier for me to write it here and know that no one will judge me. Thank you for listening I feel better already.

wow! let me first of all say and my heart goes out to you.

now bare with me, b/c i don't always type coherently. First of all, you should not have to feel ashamed about what happened. What this guy did was rape. You did not ask for it and he is to blame, not you. Something like this can be very hard to deal with and even though you may be feeling like you don't need it now, i would really suggest seeing a therapist or some type of counseling over the matter. over time it may be hard to look at your daughter and not see this man in there somewhere (i am in no way questioning your love of your child).

Next, it will honestly be very difficult to file criminal charges for the rape at this point, However if you brought it to the family court, you would most likely get custody. I would gather as many character witnesses (for both you and him) as possible. Also an explanation from your doctor about the effects of the medication you were on.

I am pretty darn sure that in the case of rape (date or otherwise) the father retains no rights to the child. Plus the fact that he is not on the birth certificate should help.

once again and the best of luck. i hope you find the support and friendship that you need here.

If this punk (I refuse to say man) refuses to take a paternity test, then he has nothing but speculation to even say he IS the child's father. His refusal to take a paternity test is good for you.

Unless he is legally recognized as the baby's father (which requires a paternity test or an affidavit of paternity signed by BOTH of you) then he couldn't claim you kindapped the child when you move.

My advice: Get your things together and get as far away from that ******* as you can. Then, when you get to AZ, file a restraining order there, based on the prior events.

You and your child don't deserve to live in fear. If he shows up to the party you're having, call the cops and tell them he's harrassing you. Hopefully he's stupid enough to slip up and threaten you in front of people. Then you'll have witnesses to prove your point further. You said he caused a scene at your father's church- what did he say/do then? Could that not be considered offense #2? The threat of kidnapping could be then considered offense #3. Just a thought.

I hope things work out well for your daughter's party. Don't worry about him filing kidnapping charges. The police would laugh at him if he refuses to prove his paternity. He'll have no rights.

quote:

Originally posted by momof2okc:
If this punk (I refuse to say man) refuses to take a paternity test, then he has nothing but speculation to even say he IS the child's father. His refusal to take a paternity test is good for you.

I agree. I wonder why your friend told him in the first place. It wasn't her obligation to do so and she surely didn't ask you for your permission. She speculated and with her assumption of who the guy was, she jumped into conclusion. It's a relief at least she was right. Having said that, technically, you DON'T know if he's the father. All you know is that you woke up beside him. Not to sound insensitive but there could of been more than one partner that night .. we don't know.

I'm only saying this because there's not enough evidence to prove that he's the father of this child. If he's refusing to take a paternity test then you may never be certain for sure.

Has he been a part of your daughter's life so far? How much involvement has he had? Does your daughter know who he is?

What burns me up about this is that the police are refusing to take action. Who cares if he didn't have a weapon, threats were made and they should have done something in my opinion.....it doesn't take having a weapon to actually do harm. But....if that's the way they want it this is one of the very rare instances in which I believe that embellishing exactly what happened just may be the thing to do. Normally I'm all for complete honesty in any situation, but I'm also just as against someone pulling the sort of things that he has, the initial act that night, the threats now, etc. I'd say do what you need to do to insure the safety of you and your child. They ask "did he have a weapon" you answer "I was too afraid to look and give him the opportunity to use it since my life was being threatened" I mean come on.....we all know that it doesn't take a knife or a gun to do severe bodily harm or worse.
Anyway, did you file a report for the church scene? which would qualify as the second time, and the very next time it'd be the third time.

Other than that, no he can't charge you with kidnapping, he can't pursue anything legally without first proving paternity. At this point he has no rights to the child period and you are free to move away without legal repercussions.

Even if you had a paternity test tomorrow and established that he is, in fact, the father he would STILL have to get his rights and visitation through the court and since he doesn't want to pay child support, I doubt very seriously he'll want to fork over money for a lawyer to have his parental rights established and get visitation. I would imagine, if by some miracle, he DOES try for visitation that his history of violence and the young age of the child would warrant supervised visitation.

You may not realize it but since you were not married to this freak and he hasn't tried to establish himself as the baby's legal father then you have sole custody and can move to the moon if you wish. There's nothing he can say about it either.

I would go ahead with the party as planned but have some people take shifts watching out for him. If he shows up uninvited then call the police and have him escorted away. Hopefully without disrupting the party.

The chief of police was at the church when he made that scene so it was documented in the file after the first drunken call. And no he has had no contact with Taylor. I saw him in a restaurant when I was leaving and he tried to talk to me but I just walked by. That is the only time that he has even seen her. Thank you so much for the advice and it makes me feel more calm already.

Just sending you a ((((Hugs))) and a welcome- seems others said what I would have. I do wish you a lot of luck hun.

I just wanted to give an update. Jake did show up at the party and I saw his truck pull in from upstairs so I went down to calmly ask him to leave. He said he wasnt going to and had his mom in the truck to. One of my guy friends then came down and told him that i was being nice and to leave my property. His mom then jumped in and said that they were staying and I laughed and said this is private property and a invitation only party (haha all i could think of) Then I asked her if she knew how I became pregnant because I sure dont and she just got back into the truck and he drove away. She called me this morning to apologize about making a scene. The funny thing was that no one knew that I even left. I documented it in the ever growing file. I dont know where it came from but I grew some balls for a secound. I know its because some of you stood up to people and your still alive so I thought I might as well try it.

congratulations! you must feel a wonderful sense of empowerment i'm still tryin to grow me a pair... not exactly something you can just buy on e-bay.

you should be really proud of yourself. sometimes standing up and saying NO can be the hardest thing

I wonder if the mother thought they were invited in the first place. I still say you should have the DNA test just to make sure. It's really not that big of a deal. Me & James had one for Ryan since he likes to tell everybody that most of the kids he has aren't his. The only one he's never denied is his oldest and that's only because the little guy is his carbon copy. Now Ryan's turning out to look even more like him than Kyle does.

Good for you and your "cajones" Taylor's mom!!! If this sperm doner wants to see Taylor so badly then he needs to step up to the plate and do a DNA test!!!