Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums Open Discussions I REALLY NEED YOUR ADVISE PLEASE!!|
Go
|
New
|
Find
|
Notify
|
Tools
|
Reply
|
|
|
I am New to SFV |
I know this is going to sound horrible, I know it is, but I really need some advise. About two years ago I got into a relationship that I knew I shouldn't have been in. From the beginning there was something telling me not to trust this man. But for some reason (probably because I just felt lonely and scared at the time), I did it anyway. Well three months into the relationship he really showed his true colors. I found out that my gut feeling about him was correct. I found out he was doing some drugs and drank a lot. When I asked him about this he only denied it even when I gave him proof about how I know, he wouldn't face me and tell me the truth. When he became drunk he was loud and would lie and make up wild things, he would become possesive and out of control. (He never physically hurt me). I don't think he is a "bad" person he just has himself lost in horrible situations. I ended the relationship and for almost a month he would call and tell me he loves me and to give him another chance. I didn't. Anyway, about a month after ending the relationship I found out I was pregnant. I now have a 10 month old little girl. The problem is I never told him I was pregnant. The last thing I want is my daughter to be around him in the enviroment he lives. I do know he has two other daughters that seem to adore him and he is very loving to, but my protective nature doesn't want my daughter around any of it. Am I wrong for not telling him. I don't know what to do. I know one day my daughter will ask questions. PLEASE HELP!!!! This is really tearing me up....
I REALLY NEED YOUR ADVISE PLEASE! |
||
|
|
On the Board |
That's definatley a hard situation to be in and ultimately the choice is yours. I feel you have to think about what is best for the child-- If you choose to tell the father of your child, maybe you can request supervised visitations so that you know your child is o.k. around her father. If it were me,(because I don't ever want to blamed for keeping my son away from his father)I would tell the childs father he has a child from you.
|
|||
|
|
"Board Blazen Parent" Lively & Zealous Parent  |
In my opinon (noone has to agree with me) it's not right of you to keep this from the father. If you have no way of contacting him, thats one thing, but if you know how to get a hold of him and you haven't, then you should. What will happen if in ten years or 15 years he finds out? Besides that, he has a RIGHT to know, seeing as how that child is part of him. I know you don't want you child to be alone with him but that doesn't have to happen, you can have supervised visits, and if he is an alcoholic and addict, you wouldn't have a problem getting that. You don't have to tell your daughter anything, but the father should know.
|
|||
|
|
"Board Beacon Parent" Setting New Standards  |
I would never tell him!! I wouldn't put my daughter around a man who will ultimately teach her what a man is supposed to be in a relationship. This is fact. Girls/boys learn this from their dad or their dominant male role model. Children can be raised well by one strong parent, I hope you learned to trust you instinct. It doesn't sound like it if you had to ask this important question..... I am not trying to be harsh but you just asked us if you should put your daughter in a alcohol/drug environment!! Grow up. Thats a no thinker.
|
|||
|
|
Board Member |
Yes you should tell him. He deserves to know his child. I know it devestated my fiance when he founf out that he had a 20 month old son that he never knew about. And guess what hes getting custody of that child. keeping a child from a parent is a good way for the ncp to change custody. Not to mention that your child will want to know why you wouldnt let daddy see her.
|
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
I just wanted to say thank you to all your that have posted a reply so far. I have thought throughly about what each person has said and all of you have good points. It seems that each person that responds to this post gives me a diferent perspective to think about. Anyway, thank you, It has meant a lot to me that you have taken the time to respond.
|
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
I would say use your instinct. If you know this man is controlling then don't put that little girl into that situation. I agree that children can be raised by one parent. Yes it may be hard, but do what you think is the best to protect that baby.
|
|||
|
|
"Moderator Proud father/grandfather" SFV JUNKIE!!!  |
Joy,
Very tough choice indeed. It does seem that he could be a decent person if it were not for his decisions as to his lifestyle. You mention his other kids adore him and they are usually pretty smart. You could always tell him so he knows and keep the upperhand as to his contact with her. Nothing says you have to let her go visit with him, unless it went through court and visitation orders were made by a judge, and a judge isn't going to allow much more than supervised visitation if you could prove his lifestyle. You know the whole situation better than any of us, just hopefully we can give you different perspectives to "double check" your thinking in the decision process. The other thing to consider is the more time that goes by the harder it will be, already 10 months old now. How much harder would it be as more time goes by? Just more fuel for thought, and I wish you well with whatever you decide. |
|||
|
|
"Board Beacon Parent" Setting New Standards |
PROTECT your baby, is right. Red is also right to say the older the baby gets the harder it will be, but it also means the older the baby gets the easier it will be to forget about this man. There is nothing worse than mixing drugs and children. Sorry I still say absolutely don't do it!!
|
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
I know one day my daughter will ask questions. PLEASE HELP!!!! This is really tearing me up....
[b]I REALLY NEED YOUR ADVISE PLEASE Well, my advise to you is that only you know your situation and should do whatever you feel is necessary to protect your child. If you chose to tell him be prepared for the consiquences of that. Not only from your daughter but from your ex. It may lead to court and possibly having her taken away. Im not trying to scare you but to inform you of what your options are. I personally would look at your life and evaluate your situation and make sure if you want to disrupt it.If not leave it alone right now. If you need to talk you can email me privately. Nikki |
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
you should really trust your instincts. if you dn't think that it is a god enviroment for your daughter then don't subject her t it. he doesn't need to know and if he des find out then yu can tell him the reason why you didn't tell him. as for your daughter the same goes for her if she asks you about him. she will respect you for not putting her in danger. |
|||
|
| Previous Topic | Next Topic | powered by eve community |
 | Please Wait. Your request is being processed... |
|
|||
| Site | Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online | ||
| Servlet | eve1da045 | ||
| Version | 1.2.22 build 9062 | ||
| Module | Forums 4.0.3 | ||
| Stylesheet | "Fall Style" | ||
| Wordlet Set | "SFV" | ||
|
Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums Open Discussions I REALLY NEED YOUR ADVISE PLEASE!!
