I just got out of a 6 year relationship and I dont know how I'm going to be able to deal with the pain. We have a 3 month old son together which of course makes it harder. Everytime I look at Jon I think of Robert and the relationship. I dont know how I'm going to do this. What did you do to get rid of the pain. How were you able to move on? Everybody keeps telling me that I'll find someone else that will treat me better and someone who I can be with. But I dont want to find anybody else I just want to be with him. He's all I have known for so long. I'm a complete mess right now.

I'm sorry you feel this way, sadly, the only thing that can really help in these cases is time, and that is exactly what we don't allow us.
I could tell you to come and see me that I'll make you forget him but I'm afraid once you see me you'll be wanting him even more...lol
Good luck

Adrian

lol

I'm next!! I could use a laugh too LOL

I'd have to agree with him though. It takes time so the more you keep yourself preoccupied, the better. Rediscover yourself as a person rather than a gf/wife. Focus on your child and do some fun baby things. Take it one day at a time. There's nothing wrong in grieving over your loss. So grieve and then let it go when you're ready.

I'm going through almost the same thing. I feel for you. I've lost 10 pounds this week because I can't eat. I just decided to work on myself. There's a really good book you might want to read, it's called "How Did I Get Here" by Barbara De Angelis. It has helped me in some ways. Time will heal, and maybe things will work out. Sometimes a break from each other is what people need to decide what it is they want. I wish you the best, good luck. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Jessi

quote:

Originally posted by Adrian1trk:
I could tell you to come and see me that I'll make you forget him but I'm afraid once you see me you'll be wanting him even more...lol
Good luck

Adrian

LOL

Alli I would have to agree with everyone else, time will help.
Although I probably do not need to tell you this I will. Just don't let your baby see sadness when you look at him because you are thinking about your Ex. As Jes said, have fun with your baby. This is a wonderful age and you should enjoy all the time you can. The saying is true: children grow up very quickly. Before you know it, you will wonder how the time passed so quickly.

Time definitely helps, but friends do too. When I broke up with my ex I was still pregnant and the stress landed me in the hospital! But two years later I am glad I hung on and didn't fall into a, potentially negative, rebound relationship.

I think you should take time for yourself and focus on what you want out of life. Dating can be difficult with an older child and with an infant it may not be worth the effort right now. Even when you are feeling down try to remember why you decided to end it in the first place so that you don't end up seeking him out for emotional support, since he wasn't able to stick it out in the past.

I am so grateful now that my son came along and saved me from more years in a dead end relationship. Hopefully someday you will feel the same way.

Best wishes.

I feel exactly the same way. I spent four years with my ex and he dumped me while I was pregnant. Cowardice is a bad thing, you know. Sometimes I end up wondering what did I do to deserve this. Other times, I just deny everything and can't wake up to the situation. It's so strange a feeling. Can't find a way to describe it, but I presume you get me.

I agree with singlein08. You should do your best and never show your pain in front of your child. This pure, little thing needs you to be stronger than anyone

Hi Alli -
sorry i missed this the first time around.

really?
that's my advice... the word really?
when you miss him, think really?
i mean are you missing him for who he is? really? or are you missing who you thought/hoped/dreamed he was?
when you think we'd be bathing him together or walking with a stroller together or playing in a park together... think really? was that typical of your relationship or were you wishing for more 'together' activities?

this life, today, tomorrow, next week, month, year is up to you. really! you create it to meet all of your hopes and dreams and needs... really.

Wow that is very insightful. I never would have looked at it that way and that is what I really like about this forum. The fact that people you have never met can put a completely different spin on things.

quote:

Originally posted by LaurieDorey:
Hi Alli -
sorry i missed this the first time around.

really?
that's my advice... the word really?
when you miss him, think really?
i mean are you missing him for who he is? really? or are you missing who you thought/hoped/dreamed he was?
when you think we'd be bathing him together or walking with a stroller together or playing in a park together... think really? was that typical of your relationship or were you wishing for more 'together' activities?

this life, today, tomorrow, next week, month, year is up to you. really! you create it to meet all of your hopes and dreams and needs... really.

Wow, perfectly put.

Sometimes we make an illusion of what we think our relationship is and often don't see the signs that outsiders see very easily. Our hearts are afraid we either wasted our time, a piece of our life or just admitting to ourselves we were not fooled.

We all do it, it is human nature. It is the realization that a relationship could never return to a state it use to be. Relationship change, some good but some bad. Once a relationship turns bad, you can't go back to a good time, you expect too much of a past version of someone and visa versa. These expectation lead to new and more problems.

Accepting the truth is very hard, that the person we thought we loved isn't the person we are meant to be with. There is good that comes from it, we learn from our experiences and we appreciate that special someone that is right for us when we do find them.

Time does heal most wounds, there will always be a scar to remind us but that scar can either be our burden, or our wisdom.

quote:

Originally posted by LaurieDorey:
Hi Alli -
sorry i missed this the first time around.

really?
that's my advice... the word really?
when you miss him, think really?
i mean are you missing him for who he is? really? or are you missing who you thought/hoped/dreamed he was?
when you think we'd be bathing him together or walking with a stroller together or playing in a park together... think really? was that typical of your relationship or were you wishing for more 'together' activities?

this life, today, tomorrow, next week, month, year is up to you. really! you create it to meet all of your hopes and dreams and needs... really.

I definately agree here. when my bf and i broke up i was devestated. i was mostly heart broken because i felt like i couldn't have that perfectly little family. but like laurieDorey said, "really", who has a perfect family anyways. and just how happy are they. it was hard for me for a long time, but i learned to refocus and realize that i need to face reality and deal with my life the way that it is now. otherwise i was just wasting percious energy that i could be using doing something positive with my kids.

quote:

Originally posted by singlemum1982:
http://Singleparentkiss.com

Being a single parent doesnt mean we are tied to the house, doesnt mean we dont have fun, best thing though is not having a partner telling us what to do, so come on guys and gals have your say, we dont get the gratitude we deserve.....

http://Singleparentkiss.com

I don't mean to get off topic, didn't I see this exact wording somewhere else you posted recently? It is good though!

quote:

Originally posted by Glenn the Survivor:
I don't mean to get off topic, didn't I see this exact wording somewhere else you posted recently?

My thoughts exactly .. I think it's spam.

quote:

Originally posted by miss jes:

quote:

Originally posted by Glenn the Survivor:
I don't mean to get off topic, didn't I see this exact wording somewhere else you posted recently?

My thoughts exactly .. I think it's spam.

Well, I looked at her posting history and it looks like she is real, she probably pulled a Glenn and tried to read and post to too many topics at once!

Yeah, her post fits to a lot of topics.

quote:

Originally posted by Glenn the Survivor:

quote:

Originally posted by miss jes:

quote:

Originally posted by Glenn the Survivor:
I don't mean to get off topic, didn't I see this exact wording somewhere else you posted recently?

My thoughts exactly .. I think it's spam.

Well, I looked at her posting history and it looks like she is real, she probably pulled a Glenn and tried to read and post to too many topics at once!

No, actually she IS a spammer....and is being removed from the forum.....