Sorry, I know everyone is trying to be happy, and I don't want to ruin the mood. But I just don't have anyone else. I try talking to my friends, and they try their best, but they just don't get it. I'm losing it. I honestly believe I'm making the right decision in keeping this baby. But why is everything turning against it??
I got put into high risk. Which wouldn't be that big of a deal, but I'm going through this alone. I'm already scared as I'm sure everyone (even the guys) were during their first pregnancies. Wondering every second of the day if I'm going to make it is just making it worse. On top of this I'm going to be a whole year behind in school if I don't take the winter semester. But how can I?? I'm due in March. How can I possibly have a baby and go back just in time for finals! Plus today I talked to HR at my work. Chances are that I will get fired. Apparently the law about getting fired on the terms of having a baby doesn't apply to part time employees at my work. She told me straight out that the chances of me staying are low.
And I freaking miss my ex. I'm an idiot I guess. But I do. I try not to, but I just can't help it. I know he walked out of my life and all...but you can't just stop loving someone the second they're gone.
I hate all of this. I can't talk to anyone because they tell me that I KNEW what I was getting myself into by choosing to keep the baby. If it's the right thing to do, why is everything so against it?
I'm sure I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

First off let me say, you have the right and you are allowed to feel sorry for yourself. You have a lot on your plate a whole lot to deal with. You should not apologize for venting on here of all places. That's what this place is for.

As far as your friends and family telling you they knew all this was going to happen if you choose to keep the baby. Shame on them they are taking the easy way out and using lame excuses for not being supporative and there for you!

Well I know it's not much consolation be we are here for you. You are not alone you have a little life growing inside you that needs you! I know it probably does not seem like it now but you will be ok. Take a breath and look at one problem at a time instead of lumping them all together. I don't know if any of this helped you but we are here. So please feel free to write and vent as much as you feel you need to.

girl vent away. i only wish i found the site while i was pregnant. you are not alone. really.

faith was high risk because i am 43. weekly sonograms = no growth, damaged placenta - i was put on bed rest. i own a B&B. no disability insurance, no income, i had to max my credit cards to refund the deposits of folks who had booked for november. ugh. all with friends and family saying 'i told you so'

then toxemia 0% chance of either of us surviving if i went to term. c-section 5 weeks early to deliver a 4 pound baby. i left the hospital with staph and ezcema (sp?) and some other random infection and was quarantined away from my aging parents, so spent thanksgiving day alone, with a plate of food dropped off at my back door. gets better. had the norovirus at christmastime. i have never ever been so sick in all my life. i was unable to crawl from the bed to the bathroom and lied on the floor sobbing and feeling so sorry for myself thinking 'this is why you need a husband' i lied on the bathroom floor and fed faith who slept on a towel next to me.

fast forward, she is a wonderful happy girl who has brought such a deep and profound love in to my life that i am unable to describe it to you or anyone else. but ask just about any mother and they know, they just know. there is no love in the world like this love.

yea, there are days i dont shower. i slept 2 hours last night - teething is a real mutha. but you can do it, you can survive, you can flourish and you can get strength from your bootstraps that you never even knew existed. you can look in the mirror and smile at the spit up in your hair and the new depth in your eyes that touch your soul because you are a mother.

it is not easy. but it sure as hellll is worth it.

Butterfly,
thank you, and I never thought to look at each problem individually. I guess it seems so overwhelming because I did lump it all together. I will follow your advice and sit down and reason with myself. I guess when you do look at each problem individually they don't seem like a lot.

Laurie, I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone. I know that I will have at least family here to baby me when I'm lying in bed my last month (if it comes to that) They put me in high risk because of surgeries done to remove a tumor from my uterus. I really don't think it's going to be a big deal, though. After all ...I've had a miscarriage before and that's how they found out about the tumor. So they fixed it and I should be fine, right?

By the way...my mom came by when I was reading your post (because yes...I'm the loser who lives with my parents now ) She thought Faith was just adorable in her dress. I believe something along the lines of "aww look at those eyes" also passed through her lips.

baerhiel,
i'm high risk too, I had to have a cercloge, a stitch to sew up my cervix, to keep little adeline in there until she is ready and on my own too. it's tough but it gets better as you go along. once you start feeling your baby and going to the dr more and more it is surreal. it's very very tough but like laurie said It is all worth it in the end. also is there any way that you can do your school online? that is what i have been doing. and if living with your parents makes you a loser i am a loser right there with you lmao

I was going to say do online school. It sounds like you are going through a really tough time. I have no way of knowing what you're going through, but I hope it all works out okay. And don't be scared...you have all of us here!

Thanks.
I did look into online classes, but none of the classes I'm taking are available through online. I'll just have to tough it out for a few months. Not the first one in the world to do that. I'll be fine.
Thank you.

Thaaaaaaaaats nice.
Sorry Don...I really am trying not to be enabling...but when I post a thread and see that someone has written something I get hope that yet someone else has an advice for me...instead I get this.
Eh.

I'm sorry that you're going through this without a partner, but it's awesome that you're family is there for you. Somedays I wish I lived with my parents again...just for the support and help with the boys. I hope everything works out and keep us posted.

They told me my third pregnancy was considered HR b/c I'd had 2 c-sections prior and everything turned out just fine.

I'm happy to have a supporting family. My mother is making me eat all organic...oy. But I know she cares. Maybe too much though...she did ask me if my nipples starting changing color yet...that was the most awkward moment yet. I'm glad to hear from others that their pregnancies even though considered HR went through just fine. Thank you for adding yet another reassurance to my jumbled brain.
I am going to the doctor in two weeks, I will post how that went. Hopefully everything is just fine.

ok one major thing really stood out to me so I must address it first. First of all, I don't care if you are part-time or full-time THEY CANNOT FIRE YOU FOR BEING PREGNANT THAT IS DISCRIMINATION. I highly suggest you googling that law, printing it out and letting HR know they will find themselves in a lawsuit if they try. However, also try to find out if Michigan is an at will work state. If so, they can fire you because you were a minute late to work if they want.

I'm really sorry you are going through this alone and while I am not considered high risk I, too, am going at it alone and am currently going through some worries. Here I am giving advice that I should follow: take a deep breath, tomorrow is a new day, take things day by day and know that things will work out....

they cant fire you, but they are not obligated to hold a job for you. so after you deliver, you may have to start looking for a new job.

Laurie, that's exactly what I believe is going to happen.
Oh well...I have a job for the next 7 or so months, better start saving now. Maybe I'll be happy not to have a job anyway after the baby. I'm still going to be in school and something tells me I wouldn't want to be away from the baby more than a few hours anyway. (hmmm maybe it's my obsessive overprotective personality finally spinning out of control)
Whatever happens, happens. I'm tired of wondering about all the what ifs.

Don't worry, there WILL come a day when you have a job that begs you to say.

Focus on school and family. That's what is important in the long run.

Michael, you of course are a 100% right

quote:

Originally posted by Baerhiel:
Michael, you of course are a 100% right

I know

quote:

Originally posted by Baerhiel:
Thaaaaaaaaats nice.
Sorry Don...I really am trying not to be enabling...but when I post a thread and see that someone has written something I get hope that yet someone else has an advice for me...instead I get this.
Eh.

No worries, cleaning up that spam right now...sorry for the mess.