I was just reading a recent posting by ISR & alot of what was said by that member & others is very true of what I'm going thru. I'm prego, working on getting an order set on him but fear that I won't have enough strength for the future to be smart enough to say no. Like others, he's said he'll change, that he's going thru counselling & the bit about 'when our family is together again'. In one part of me, I know all that is BS. I cannot let anything like that be ok for me or for my 6 yr old or soon to be son. Anyone have some strengthing words for me to keep in mind in those inevitable 'weak' moments I know I'll have?

I have worked with many batterer's and victims. The batterer rarely changes.

You and your child are worth a relationship where you are ALWAYS valued and respected. Real men do not hit. They know how to have a real conversation without resorting to name calling and emotional abuse. Yes, there are real men out there.

There is nothing you have ever done or said that made you deserve the way he treated you. It is an issue with him. Most counseling for batterer's rarely work. The only thing I have seen work is an intesive 52 week program.

Please do not go back to him. If you do, your child will learn that it is ok to treat woman the way the father treats you. You and your child deserve better. Plus, while you are wasting time with this loser, you may miss a mister right.

I didn't think a man w/ those type a thoughts could change. *shakes head* Or that counselling would work wonders either. It's a nice thought to add 'peanutbutter to the pickle' but in the end, it's still a pickle, ya know? lol I don't plan on going back to him & I know I just need good words sometimes to keep me afloat & strong. I've got weaknesses too that I'm working on but don't expect them overnight like he's said it has worked for him. It's funny though how the people in his circle/family don't see him the way I do. Anyways..thanks =)

Kitkat - i can totally relate.
I have gone back so many times that me leaving is like an empty threat now or an empty promise to my family who want me to get out.
I am trying to hold out long enough to get to the mainland and then have people near who I can lean on.
I will get better, I just don't know when.
Hugs n Kisses

kitkat,
I was in an abusive relationship that got to the point where I had to take my children and go to a shelter.
Even after everything that had happened, I couldn't help but remember the times when we got along so perfectly...I would start thinking about how I wanted things to be instead of accepting how they really were.
I spoke to one of the counselors at the shelter about it, and she suggested creating a mental image of the person as some kind of monster or hideous beast.
I thought it was silly at first, but I tried it because i was desperate. Every time I started thinking of him in some loving context, I would picture this hideous monster lurking outside my apartment, slashing my tires (this really happened).
I used the technique frequently and it really did help me to keep a grip on the reality of who he was - a wolf in sheep's clothing.
Just a suggestion. Maybe it will work for you too.
I wish you all the best. It's hard.

Maggiemamma-I like that bit about the hideous monster! I can so do that! I had a dream about him last night where he was mocking me after being gone for 2 wks (in reality, since Sept) & so was his new woman.
Going to the Domestic Violence centers meetings weekly does help keep my head up & not have as many moments of weakness. However, sometimes *like now* it's especially hard where I think, 'maybe he will change knowing that baby is so close'. Then I remember what happened w/ my son; lil guy would get knocked on the head for stuff.
But, yea-the monster bit gets a
Thank you

Hi. I just want you to know that it is very hard to accept once and for all that the father of your baby is a bad person. He is capable of hurting you and your kids. It's very hard to not wish for what you want for yourself and your family. I constantly wished for things to be as they should be in a perfect world and not in this world.

When I get lonely and wish things were different, one of the things that I do is watch movies that show what domestic violence consists of and what happens in those relationships. This helps me keep in perspective my life and what would happen if I were to rush into something that I may regret later on.

Maybe it will help you too.Here are three movies that I recommend: "What's Love Got To Do With It?", "Boys on the Side", "Sleeping With the Enemy".

Best of luck to you...hang in there!