I was in an abusive marraige for 2 years, it was abusive in all ways imaginable. 1 yr after the divorce I met a guy and got engaged but the red flags went up and he was verbally abusive, I tried to persuade him to get couseling but he told me I was the one with the problem. So I ended it. That was 7 years ago and I haven't dated since. How do you overcome the fear that you'll end up in the same situation?

Hi there,
Welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry had such terrible luck...not all of us are like that...but then again...I'm sure they all say that.

I was TERRIFIED...going back out in the dating world...trying to get over the fear.

So, here's the thing....you dont! Nope you dont get over the fear...you do it anyway...and if that doesnt work...you do it again...and then before you know it...you forgot you were scared. Seriously....and then the old "You" is back.

Never compromise and listen to your instincts...you always know what you need to do....work on training yourself to do it... I know harder than it sounds...but you can do it.

And then you come back here....and give us ALL the juicy details. LOL

Again...welcome to the forum.

I totally agree with Paul!

Your fears aren't necessarily bad. They are going to be what saves you from getting involved with the wrong guys AGAIN. It is instinct, too.

If we don't use what we learned from our past experiences then what good would they have done?? You know what to watch out for now and that is what you need to go out there and date again.

Be afraid....be very afraid.... Just teasing you...not to offend you, by the way. I can TOTALLY understand.

As for TRUST....that is totally different. You don't TRUST anyone till they've earned it.

Also...

You can control the whole situation as to where the dates are held, et cetera. NEVER let the guy come to your home and pick you up until you can trust him. If your home number is listed, don't give it to him until you trust him - use your cell #. Go out and meet in public places. Date out in the open where there are a lot of people. Get to know the guy REALLY well before moving onto the next level. If they are in a hurry or in a rush to move forward in the relationship and you aren't, talk about slowing down. If they don't like that or can't respect that then they have no respect for you. CAN 'EM! Et cetera. I am sure you know this stuff already, but for posting sake...

And I give you kudos for leaving that last dude.

Take care

SOunds to me like who you divorced has the same personality type as the second one in your life. Learning to set boundaries and I would consider taking some courses in it as it appears that you are attracting the same type of man into your life. It isn't an issue of trusting the man. I believe it is in trusting yourself in attracting the right man. At 18 I was involved in a very abusive relationship...I was in hiding for 6 months...Being exposed to that so young I rebelled against any male authority figure in my life. Alot of healing had to take place in my life so that I do not attract those types of men. Now???? I see them a mile away and have not been in an abusive relationship since and I can assure you I never will be. I can now identify personality types and behaviours that I was once attracted to, and will now run from it. It really is more to do with soul searching when it comes to trusting men..Think of a school play ground where bullies are...why is it that bullies always seem to pick on the same types of kids and often times the same kids year after year...on a subconscious level, bullies find easy targets. WEll with men abusers, they are attracted to "easy" or "vulnerable" targets. Same in teh workplace...bullies will pick on the ones that do not stand up for themselves in the workplace......hard to explain in detail in a forum like this but there is in a sense the law of attraction that takes place in such situations. I strongly recommend to buy, borrow, or find the movie called The Secret.

Miranda