i recentily learned that my sister has been a victemof domestic voilence. he was cheating on her and she caught her. well she gave him a second chance but things went basically down hill from there. so she said that she basically wants a divorse and they should ty it with out lawyers or coutrs and have no hard feelings for each other. well he flew into a rage and yelled and screamed at her then her started to choke her. well he ran out of the house and she called the cops. they arrested him and we went to jail. she filed for divorse the next day and got a restraining order against him. no he said he did not do it, she started it, and that she always threatened him since day one that she will file false claims of domestic violence so she can get the kids (2 boys) and he will not. i always looked down at the POS only because my sister loved him and i held back my thoughts. so not, they both selected my house as the drop off point when he gets to pick up the kids for visits. my sister drops them off and he picks them up and when the time comes, he returns them.
so now my sister went to the DA and they told he it will be a hard case to win cause it is a classic hesiad/she said. but she has marks on her neck from him,, i took the pictures or them.
my sister is a mentally strong woman, i sort of look up to her at times. and he cant not beat her mentally. she has a great carrer, and he does not, he is a stocker at Home Depo. but he is starting to use the 2 boys as a weapon to get to her cause that is the only thing that will get to her.
i just want to know from the ladies in her, and guys as well. what can we expect from him, have any of you been in these shoes, how long will he have rage/hate against her?
i cant stand the POS, if we lived in the wild west days, i would have shot him by now. ( just joking) also would you belive this,, when ever he drops off the kids at my house, he has his mother in the car filming the hole thing on his cam corder??? well sorry i have more to say but i am late for work.
thanks in advace

Well, first of all - know this.. The system does not work well in most cases. I hope it is different for your sister.

My situation is very similar to your sisters, and I have not done all the right things. The advice I have gotten over and over - and believe to be true. Make sure your sister documents everything.

From what I've been told, when it comes down to he said she said - the person with the most facts and most believeable information is likely to win.

I've spent a lot of money on lawyers, fighting against my ex ... hopefully your sister won't have to go that route!

I look forward to reading the posts on this, as I'm sure I can get some helpful advice from it as well.

Thank goodness, your sister has you to count on!

quote:

Originally posted by kmhdad:
[qb] i just want to know from the ladies in her, and guys as well. what can we expect from him, have any of you been in these shoes, how long will he have rage/hate against her?
[/qb]

All I know is my case. My ex's hate and rage against me has only worsened in the past 3 years. A year ago in April, he attacked me outside my house, in front of my daughter. The night before he had threatened me and I called the police on him then, so when the incident the next day came, he had already started to dig his hole.
Since then, I always feel like something is going to happen. I am mentally strong, like your sister, but I often wonder when he's going to explode. I think he is so angry at me he can only see red. I had a protective order, and when he finished his anger management classes, he told me he was not done. Nothing violent has come yet, but... I tell anyone I can, police, social workers, court workers, that if anything ever happens to me to go to him first. Its not fair, and its no way to live, but its a reality. I hope things work out better for your sister. At least you have her back.

TSO .. gawd, I am sorry to hear that! My ex was very violent in the beginning, but has calmed some now (after 3 years) ... hopefully yours will too!!

i spoke to my sister last night. she said the DA claimed that the case is very weak, considering it is a hesaid/she said and considering that he has marks on her arm that the case will get dropped. my sister got pist and said that basically a man can beat a woman as long as no one is there but her and him?

i guess it seems that some people know how to get through these system and know it well. yes inni, i am glad she got away from him too. and i hope not only for her, but for the kids that his rage does not go on for years.

Hi,

I don't know if this could help your sister but it sure helped me... i'm in a different country but i believe in your country things mustn’t be that different. You must have there a organization, association, some sort of ONG with experts in dealing with domestic violence. She should talk to them, go there, and ask for help... The thing with domestic violence is that it is so private that it is hard to have proof of it... I went trough the same thing, my ex tried to say that i was the violent one, however i had the luck to find and be with an association (i had to go to a shelter/refugee) that really helped me and my child... In my experience, she will have a really hard time with him, he will lie, he will threat her, and he will use the child to get whatever is that he wants and not necessary thinking of the children. My ex used the child to get to me, he doesn't care for her never has, but he knows that using her makes him closer to me… I finally got a court order that he cannot be near our daughter. Your sister should try to get all the proof she can get... all the small things counts even if she thinks that it doesn't count or that it is too picky she should do it... think of keeping a journal... it helped me...

ups, i have just realised that i'm talking about something that happened 2 years ago... sorry, still sleeping... hope everything went well with your sister...

to all ladies, dont be a victem of violence, if you feal threatened by anyone, known or not, take you a firearms class or martial arts class if your running into a exspouse or somebody threatning you, carry a voice activated tape recorder, that removes the he said she said scenario bullies and muggers look for people they perceive as weak, arm yourselves with being prepaired,take whatever means to protect yourselves and your children....