Posted 11 February 2008 08:54 PM
I have only been a member for a short while. I got a phone call from her Grandmother in California a few weeks ago that said she told me she miscarried the baby because I smoked pot. I had never met this woman but living in CA she did not beleive this was OK. She only said this after we had a tiff, probly due to the stress of the pregnancy on us both. When she found out the Grandma told me the truth she cut the Grandma off too. After the Tiff she moved away, without a trace. The grandma told me where she was. And since we had plenty of contact after the lie, I had no reason to fear contact after finding out we still have a baby in fact a son. I went there as fast as possible to reconcile with flowers in hand. I drove all night after working my 2 jobs for 11 plus hours. It was a four hour drive. The uncle answered the door as the aunt called the police. I left but returned as the police arrived in hopes to facilitate communication. The cop said I had crossed the line, I was obsessing. He never cared that she lied to me and said if I stayed, even in the street, he would find a reason to arrest me. I left without any communication with her. The uncle said she was not even there. I called the home several times, only asking for a chance to reconcile. I missed both jobs the next day traveling back without any communication since the 6th when she said she was moving away to several different places possibly (undecided)at the time. I tried to call on the 7th but the phone was disconnected. So no contact at all since that date. She told me the baby died and she broke up in the same day. I have called her phone everyday since I found out we have a son with hopes she would turn it back on. I emailed but she cancelled the account after she received four of my emails, saying I wanted to work things out for our unborn son. Sunday I found out she has told people that it may be another mans. I emailed the uncle where the Grandmother said she was staying at to ask about the other man, and demand that he help get to the bottom of this. I never threatened him only begged to stop aiding and abedding her lies. Today I was called by a cop who said that a protective order had been placed against me. I have a upcomming court date, but I read the burdon of proof is very low in these types of cases and I may not be granted visitation based on whatever is in the paperwork that I will receive in the morning. I am Terrified!!! Any advise other than get an attourney which I found out will cost 1500? Ps I lost my first job today because of time off the phone with attourney's, family and such.

With all due respect I think you need to slow down and consider all the facts before you continue pursuing this woman any further.

You need to establish paternity before anything else can be done.

She has already lied to you about losing the baby through misscarrage, and now has stated that it may be another man's child. Given these two possibilities you're faced with two scenaios.

It's your child, and she doesn't want anything to do with you or...

It's not your child and she doesn't want anything to do with you.

In order to establish paternity you need to do it privately, which is next to immpossible if she will not communicate with you, or you can consult a lawyer who will explain to you the process of establishing paternity legally. Consultations are relatively cheap, sometimes free. You won't need to retain (pay) a lawyer until you're going to court or having papers prepared.

Nothing concerning visitation, child support, or custody will be considered until you are legally the child's Father.

I say you lay off the phone calls and e mails, go no where near your ex and take it upon yourself to establish paternity. Once this has been established you will be able to proceede forward with establishing a relationship with your son.

Focus on the job you haven't lost and continue on with your day to day. Forget about flowers in hand and consider how you are going to provide a stable life for your son. Present this to your ex once the child is determined to be yours and see where it goes from there.

Thanks for the advice charlie. I put received the emergency protective order that she had put against me today. It says I harrassed her by trying to contact her by email, phone and text. It also says that when I went to her uncles house that I had to be escorted away by police after screaming and yelling at her family. That never happened I was not on their property when the police arrived and the uncle would only talk to me for ten seconds before slamming the door. I left and came back when the cops came to see if they would talk at that point. I will get the police report tommorrow. She also says I told her that I would prevent her from leaving the area and force her back to this area. But the specific area she said I do not live in now nor have I ever. It does however say that we have a biological child. So she is aknowledging me as the father. She also said I have been convicted of a crime which I have not. She said I made these threats on the Feb fourth but I have not spoke with her since Jan. 6th. I have saved all my emails to her and her family to prove I have only begged for communication so we can prepare for my first born son. She never asked me not to call or text. This is the first communication that I have had with her since the 6th. I even have emails I sent that day to her family that are not in anyway a threat, but asking for her to communicate so we can plan. Because of some advice from 3 plus 3 I am saving all of the emails to show my son one day how hard I worked to save our family. I also have the email she sent her own grandma admitting she lied about the miscarriage. I am taking it all to court next week. I came up with 1500 today as well for my attourney fees. I learned though if she succeeds and a permanent order is put in place I may loose all visitation, never be able to own a gun and this will show up on all future job background checks. I know I have done the right thing. I just hope the court agrees. Thanks.