I keep reminding myself it is not my fault he hit me. I almost believe it. Now, no matter who's fault it is, I have moved 1300 miles away with my son, and I must move on!! How do I do it, without just jumping into the arms of another man? Am I supposed to be depressed and angry? Will I always have this stamp on my forehead- "I let my husband hit me". ? Is there anyone out there that found life after the abusive relationship? Anyone who loves the man he was before he started the slander, and the abuse? Any waving of the magick wand is welcome please!

Hello Victory,

I have found life after an abusive relationship. I have truly accepted that I was not responsible for his behaviour <Alcohol was a huge factor>. My ex's behaviour is his own responsibility. We teach our children to take responsibility for theirs. I still feel anger and sometimes struggle with depression. Yet, I have found great happiness in living away from him with my sons. It is a safe and calm environment. It does get better Victory. It is so hard at first. Take care,

Jennie

I have been in an abusive relationship also, and I'm trying my best to get out of it at this time.I have been with my guy for 10 years, and in the beginning all was fine, then after we were going on our second year he began hitting me because i had "learned" how to push his buttons. I dealt with this for years before i ever told anyone, because the bruises were so easy to cover up (always in places that were hard to see). But one day I got brave and fought him back to show him I wasn't afraid which was probably not a good idea. But I made him aware I was no longer afraid. Every time he would get in the abuse phase I just found one way or another to call the police and he has been in jail several times. He finally quit physically abusing me up until about 2 months ago, when he tried to kill me, and then I became scared again. He is now living with his parents and I'm trying to deal with this the best I can he has only been gone for 2 weeks and in some ways I hope for good, but funny thing is I still love him and still want him around. Any advice?

Love can be such a confusing thing sometimes, huh? But you know what you are worth so much more! You deserve happiness, unconditional love, care, RESPECT, trust! You are not getting any of these things in your current relationship, no matter what you think. Please no that it will get better with time. You have to be strong and no that being out of that kind of relationship is what is best for you. You may not believe it now but, sometime soon you will. Do you have children with him? Has he abused them? If you do have children, you need to do this for them if not for yourself!!! Most often than not, once an abuser always an abuser & what would happen if you stayed and he really hurt your children or you (or worse) then where would you be. JUST LET IT GO AND STAY THE H*LL AWAY FROM HIM!

Ooops! i goofed. I clicked on wrong button but I posted a reply under "Ditto".

I have also been in an abusive relationship. I am inmy first new relationship fince my divorce and my new guy keeps saying he does not get how someone as smart as me could let that happen to them. Or why women stay. I told him that I have asked myself that same question a thousand times and have gotten no answer. The important thing is that I got away, myself and my daughter are safe and if God is willing she will never have to go through the same thing. I hope that for you as well. Be strong beacuse it is possible to move on and recognize that the abuse is another person's weakness and there is nothing you can do to change that or to stop it. It is not your fault!

I totally agree with momswift - people would say the same to me and I would just say I did not realise it was happening, it starts off as a bad day, then a bad patch and so on until you wake up one morning and you can not hide any more and it hits you - what the relationship had done to you, only by then your self esteem is battered and he has convinced you its your fault and you believe him - I am a great believer ( with the benifit of hindsight -ha ha) that when women find them selves in this situation they should leave or get him to leave - it does not necessary mean the relationship is over but it gives you the freedom to set new boundaries. I really wish I had got online when my situation was ongoing - the girls on here are so supportive it would have been such a help.