My daughter is 7 yrs old and I left her father shortly after she was born. He was condescending towards me and was always trying to make me feel bad about myself. On top of that he made tons more money than I did he never bothered to help me with her on an every day basis and financially. He has been in and out of her life for the past 7 yrs. His parents have been apart of her life and would see her regularly with or without letting him know. A few years back he got in trouble where he works and was on trial and unemployed for two years. I hardly seen or heard from him once again when all that was taking place. He then took a plea and got his job back and has been working sense. The last year I have noticed some serious changes with my daughter. I would say around Dec of last year her father started seeing her more I noticed weight loss and her never wanted to go over there she just looked like when she would come home like she wasn't being taken care of. She would call often when being over there sometimes just to talk or wanting me to come and pick her up. Then this summer he kind of went out of the pic for the most part seeing her here and there and calling when ever he wanted to. This fall I moved to a city closer to where her dad lives because it was a better school. Things got worse after this time every time she would come home from her dads I was always having to take her to the doctor she would say her stomach hurt. This was almost every single week. Then it got so bad she started missing school because of her belly hurting and she say she felt sick and when she would come home she would sleep like she hasn't slept in a long time. She started saying she was scared of the dark and beg me to let her sleep with me at night. I had to leave the hall light and her bedroom light on in order to even get her to go to sleep. I would find her up through the night when I would get up to get something to drink or use the bathroom. I would put her back in bed and I would lay down with her until she would fall asleep. This would happen all the time it could be 2 or 4 in the morning on a school night. Then she turn around and be up at around 7 am waking me up. I noticed this isn't like my little girl and my gut was just telling me something was very wrong and I just couldn't put my finger on it. All this being scared of the dark and belly hurts is still going on. Around Sept of 07 she started wetting herself constantly at home and at school. She is still doing this for the past year I have been into it with her father and his parents about how come why is it every time she comes home she doesn't feel good? They would always insist she was fine when she was over there. Which I knew better because my sitter and other family members have noticed this with her as well. The main thing which I have been trying to get answers from them has been why this past year every time she comes home her private area is swollen and red. They would tell me they never noticed at first then later they would say it's because she is not properly wiping her self after going to the bathroom. I know better than that she has no problems with this at home. So I been asking all kinds of questions to her dad and his family for sometime now. I found out later this fall that her father had her put on Glycolax and I knew nothing about this. I ask him why he said she had problems going to the bathroom I said sense when? She has no problems what so ever at home. So what's he do he gives me a bottle of it in case she needs it when she is home. I have never had to give it to her. I also found out around the same time her dad had changes all her medical information at her doctors offices. He has put himself down as her legal guardian which he is not. I have soul custody of her so if anything was to happen with her I would never know about it because how am I going to be notified. I was very upset when I found this out and confused on how on earth did he change everything and take me off and put himself on. Thanksgiving she started complain that she hurt down there and would complain constantly. She said her hip hurt as well as her pelvic area. At this point I was 100% convinced my gut feeling has been right and I really need to find out what on earth is going on with my little girl. She went to see her grandparents on her Xmas break from school and see here dad while she was there as well. She came home new years eve as soon as I picked her up her dad said she had to go to the bathroom really bad. So I had taken her into walmart to the potty. She was hunched over and complain that she hurt. After getting her home I gave her some children motrin and she said she was feeling better. The next few days I noticed she was nothing like herself she slept all the time when she wasn't sleeping she would lay there and watch tv. It was like she was depressed and I would talk to her and she wouldn't tell me much of anything. Thursday she was in the shower and I was in the doorway. When she was done with her shower as I was wrapping her towel around her I noticed she was very swollen and red. I freaked out and ask her when you say your belly hurts what else hurts? After over an hour of getting her to trust me that mommy wants to hear what ever she has to say. She pointed to every where she hurts I then had a very seriously heart to heart with her and she confessed to me her dad has been doing things to her. I was in shock and didn't know what to say or do. As she was talking she fell asleep and I just layed there holding her and crying. The next day I took her to the hospital and they called authorities. So now were going though everything and my daughter is my only concern and I have so much guilt about how could I let this go on why was I not smart enough to pick up on it when signs were there. Right now all I care about is her and trying to keep him away from my little girl. My little girl told me this has been going on for a long time and they knew she didn't feel good when she was over there that they would lie to me and tell her not to tell me she didn't feel good. She said she didn't tell me because she told her grandma and her grandma didn't believe her on what's going so she didn't think I would either. Now I'm just praying to god there is enough evidence for charges and I have the strength to get though this and be as supportive to my little girl. I am just looking for others to talk to and I really needed to vent. I try not to show my little girl that I'm upset or scared. But she has told family she sees mommy crying a lot but I just can't help it I am so heart broken this has happened to her and I have a lot of self blame I will never get over this or forgive myself. The last thing I want her to see is mommy crying so I try my hardest not to. But I am scared I am more scared then I have ever been in my life. I can't bare the thought of her ever being left alone with him and I can't trust him. I did talk to him once sense all this came out and he didn't deny or admit it to me he just told me he uh uh he didn't know. I have not spoken to him sense. I don't want to talk to his parents as well I know my daughters father is her son but when my little girl told her she should of said something and I'm upset about that. Before her dad even knew who was saying he did what he already had gotten an attorney and refused to speak to anyone without his lawyer present. I have not heard from anybody in his family sense this has come out in the open. I can't understand why a cousin aunt or even a grandparent in his family has not even called to check on my daughter. Sense this had taken place my daughter had one short exam and was put on medication for an infection and were still waiting to get in for the big exam. I am frightened and don't know what to do I just need people to talk to. Thank you for reading...

I am very sorry to hear all of this.

This is very traumatic.


If your daughter told grandma and grandpa and they did nothing they will also be held legally responsible.

There are no words I can say to express my sorrow and compassion for both you and your little girl.

You found out, and now your dealing with it. Sexual abuse is not something none of us are ready to jump on every time a child has a belly ache or a rash.

You were smart enough to figure it out before it went on for years.

Have you sought counselling to help you with this and your daughter? Surely the hospital staff has made suggestions and offers and it is very important that you attend them.

You don't have pm access on here yet, and we aren't allowed to leave our emails on here.

Don...can you make an exception to the rule on the forum?

quote:

Don...can you make an exception to the rule on the forum?

Go ahead and post it long enough for her to reply and then come back and take it out. Hopefully she'll be back in to respond.

kdawn, so sorry to hear what's going on but the important thing is that you do know and are taking care of it. If only we could be there 24/7 to protect our children but it's just not possible....so don't beat yourself up. YOU didn't do this to her. I hope he gets what's coming to him

OMG. My daugther is the same age, and I would feel just like you do if it happened to her. That is just awful. How could anyone, much less, her father do that to her?
At least she was able to finally tell you about it, and knows that she can trust you and that you are protecting her.
I hope it all turns out the way it should.

Thanks to everyone for your replies and that thought is always in my head how can anyone much less her own father do this? I had my suspicions for a long time. I was really thinking she was being neglected. When it came out into the open I felt more less there is absolutely no way! once that wore off it was more shock then the mixed feeling turned into pure anger. I haven't had much corporation with children services and the hospital here has screwed up my daughter appointment for her exam three times. I actually had to take my daughter out of the county to another doctor so she could get treated. I was told to keep this on the low as her father is a cop and has been in trouble with the law before. She still isn't in any counseling and she seriously needs to be. There is laws to protect the people being accused and to my dislike there is very little to protect the children. As one attorney told me people ask why there is repeated offenders, because the sad truth is the laws are not stiff enough and they know they can get by with more than half they do. I have to move out of this county it's the only way my daughter is going to get the help she needs. There is a big conflict of interest with the dept that is handling this they know her father and his family. This has been going on for three weeks now and I still don't have any answers her dad and his family know more about what's going on than I do I have heard from a source. Children services said they would be in touch with me and that was two weeks ago and I have yet to hear anything from them. My daughter has got it in her head that nobody believes her and the other little girl who witnessed what was going on. My daughters cousin walked in on it happening and both were to afraid to come forward she is 7 as well. When they spoke to my cousins little girl they basically called her a liar and said they couldn't use her. They said this right in front of my cousins child! I believe my daughter the system can stick up for her father all they want in this county because they have ties! But my daughter is not the kind of kid that lies, she is a shy child in front of others she doesn't know and me and my family believe her. She says she loves her dad but never wants to be left alone with him ever again. She is upset that her grandparents and nobody in that family has given her a phone call. Starting tomorrow I am going to start packing and slowly start moving our things to my family home little by little and see what kind of help what I can do once I get her over into the other county. There is no way in this world I would ever allow my child to be left alone with this man. I think sometimes has he done this to other children? that is a scary thought and I do believe sense he has done this to my daughter odds are he will do this again. The worst fear of it all and I seriously can not shake this feelings is my child has told before and if she was to be allowed to be around him again maybe there wouldn't be a next time she would be able to tell again in the future. He has already hurt her I have no way of knowing just how far he will go. I don't know the mind of a sick person so I'm not even going to try and figure it out. If any child would have told me someone was hurting them I would have followed up with it. I hope his parents get what's coming to them because even my own aunt who had 4 boys of her own said if their children said anything like what my daughter did they would have to follow up on it and find out what's going on. So in my book his family is just as sick as he is I'm glad they haven't called really I really want nothing to do with any of them. If they don't find any evidence here come her appointment this week that's their fault for screwing up her appointment 3 times. Just my daughter saying it and having the prof that they do have should be all they need you would think. I think other parents have the right to know what he has done to my child and he lives right next to a school. No matter what happens I'm not going to let this go but I am praying he faces charges. When I first went forward with my daughter about this everyone was pretty well quick to throw it out before getting the facts and listening to my child so the only hope I have is with the detective who is working on the case. I just signed everything he needed for release of my daughters medical history and the paper work for it to go to the prosecuters for review. If they pick it up and he faces charges it will be the happiest day of my life. If not I will have to go out of my way somehow to keep her protected from this man to the best that I can. If he does it to someone else's child they have nobody to blame but themselves for not stopping this man the first time. It worries me that if nothing happens he might do this to someone else's child.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

The court and system will make sure you have protection orders in place. You could easily get an order for no visitation from the father.

I do not want to depress you anymore, but you should know that he will most likely not serve jail time. Unless there is physical evidence, it won't happen. At best, he will get a plea deal for probation. That may not even happen. There are a lot of scum bags who get off on technicalities. I am not afraid of registered offenders. They were stupid enough to be caught. I am terrified of those who were not caught or were able to get away with it legally. I work at CPS. I have seen many who got away with it. But I have also seen judges in juvenile and domestic court doing everything in their power to protect children against these creeps.

However, like I said earlier, you can get a protection order. Hang in there. There are great supports, take advantage of counseling.

Dear kdawn28, I want to start off by saying how sorry i am for your daughter and you. I have four children and two of them are girls. I would probably be in jail right now if i found something like that out. I feel so bad, to know that someone would do this to a baby, his own baby at that. I am disgusted , his parents need to have charges filed against them as well. If they knew they are just as responsible. If you have full custody you need to take her and run, run far away from him and his family. Different count, city, even state. As far as it takes . Get her counseling, get you some counseling, and start fixing your family. Please keep me, us updated with your progress, you might feel alone but you have a family and lots of friends to talk to here.

I am so sorry for you and your daughter! If you are not able to get an order to keep him away from your daughter I would run as fast as I could. I would leave my house and all my belongings if I had to and go as far away as possible. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers!

I am so sorry for your daughter. I have two daughters one that is the same age as your daughter. Oh I would probably be in jail, I know violence isn't the answer. I just can't understand how a father do this to his own child. I explained to my children a very young ages. About good touch and bad touch and don't ever be afraid to tell me anything no matter how bad it is. They need to put him under the jail. She probably is not the first child he has done this to so. I would do some investigating. Again sorry for what you and your daughter are going through. You are in my prayers.

Oh....my heart just bleeds for you and your daughter both. It makes me sick that she tried to tell her grandparents and they turned their back on her... a baby. I am just so sorry. If anything goes wrong with your case, PLEASE contact everyone you can: even if its Dr. Phil. You can keep your daughter anonymous, but you need to get someone powerful on your side. I am just so sorry. I hope that you will keep us updated. I will never get your story out of my mind. You and your daughter are in my heart and in my prayers.

I am so sorry this has happened to your daughter & also you, as a mom! Unfortunately, I know a bit about sexual abuse and you must continue to do everything you can to heal your little girl and prosecute him to the fullest extent possible! A human being does not get more sadistic then child molestation and he needs to suffer like nothing else! I'm sure others have already suggested this, but what I have found that works best for kids your daughters age, who's been abused, is group therapy with other kids close in age that have been abused in the same manner! For a young child to just talk with adults about deep problems only goes so far! I know this from experience! My heart & prayers goes out to your daughter & you. You are NOT to blame and it's obvious you're a good & very loving mom, so just keep doing your very best & never stop! Time, alot of love and the right support will heal your daughter and yourself! I wish you both the very best!

I just want to tell you that I feel terrible for what your daughter and you are going through. Please hang in there, and no matter what happens, how tired or discouraged you get, continue fighting for her, you're her only hope.

My kids are now 16 and 20. I can tell you from experience that the best thing you can do is be as honest with her as is appropriate for her age. Please don't forget to let her know that what happened to her is not at all her fault and what he did was very wrong,and her grandparents are just as wrong for not addressing what happened as well.

The justice system and courts seem like the twilight zone sometimes. It will probably be a long and hard road for you and your daughter, but please don't ever give up and just give her all the love you have for her. Please don't forget to get her counseling; also for yourself as well. It's very important to deal with this issue and it should be handled in as a healthy way as possible; this way she can heal and hopefully will flourish and have as a wonderful childhood as she is entitled to. You're a great mom, you're fighting for her safety and well-being, remember how great you are for being a decent mom and do not give up! Best of luck to both of you.