Alex's ex-gf left him time and time again and supposedly "never" had a reason and "never" told him where she was going. The more and more I think about our relationship and how I've left him quite a few times in the past...the more I think that maybe she WASN'T crazy and maybe he acted like this to her to.

Would you think it would be completely wrong for me to contact her? I know how to get hold of her and I know she would never tell him that I did. I just don't want to sound nosy, even though I kind of am about this. I feel like if she said he was this way with her I wouldn't feel so crazy...

I am not sure about this one. You have your doubts for not contacting her for a reason. Do you know why you may not want to contact her. I think if you think it is a fine idea, with no consequences you could do it, and let her know, that you are just asking because it is bothering you that he did that to you, and he may be doing it to her, and you think it will help you to clear up some things within yourself.

I think my main concern for having doubts is that maybe it's just "not right" to contact her. I mean, their relationship is over and they've both moved on. And I also worry that maybe I'll contact her and then find out he WASN'T like this to her and then I'll relapse into thinking that I brought all of this on myself.

But at the same time I'm dying to know - because if he DID treat her how he treats me I wouldn't feel so alone about it and I'd feel like things just make more sense.

If that made any sense in and of itself lol

Then, I say call her to find out. And even if he didn't do the same thing to her, you can look at it like, maybe he learned his lesson. But, for some reason, I have a hunch that he did and that is the reason they are done. Men, just don't stop that behavior, without some type of help. So I say call her to find out. Especially if she is done with him for good.

My honest opinion is this...you already know the answer so why are you looking at contacting his ex? To validate what is already taking place? You already know what is taking place in the here and in the now with him. You know the answer and that is the only validation that you really need. She is an ex, so of course she will say what you want to hear. Do you really need someone like her to validate what you are experiencing right now? I think you know the answer to that deep down inside.

I pretty much agree with what singleparentcoach just said. It's like this, does it even matter what she would say....or is it really only important what your relationship is like with him? Base your decisions on your feelings in your relationship.

MAMMA_Christina

I was in your shoes about a year ago and I did call the ex. It did make me feel better to know it wasnt just me. ( I was pretty sure it wasnt the first time but i didnt know for sure.

and i wish i had called her sooner then i did cause it would have saved me a lot of hurt time and engry

Just wanted to update everyone. I sat around thinking about if I really wanted to contact her. In the end I really felt that I needed to for my own peace of mind. I received a note back saying that he indeed DID treat her this way and that she was so sorry I was going through the same thing.

Since then her and I have spoken numerous times and are starting to become friends somewhat, and a friend who knows what I'm going through (EXACTLY what I'm going through) is exactly what I needed right now.

Thats good! Im happy that you got something positive out of contacting her.

now my question is did you stay with him or leave him?

Right now I'm still with him, but only because I'm making sure I get everything going right before I leave. The times I've left in the past it's been a really hasty decision and I end up freaking out by not being prepared. This time I'm making sure I get copies of all documents before I leave (I have to wait for some to be mailed, should be here next week), making sure I know exactly what I'll be doing once I leave (job, residence, help programs, etc). And all of that. If I'm finally going to leave for good I really need to get everything worked out. Plus I need to earn a little money before I leave because I have basically nothing in my bank account. I only have a limited amount of space in my friends car to take my stuff (I don't drive so she has to come get me) so I'm basically selling anything I don't need so that I'll have extra cash. So once that's all straightened out (I'm hoping for no more than two weeks) I'll be leaving

Good Luck. Always remember you have friends here who will be here to listed (or read) if you need us to.

Smart cookie....

smart grl..... You have to make sure that your safty plan is in place before you go.
If you contact your local womens shelter they will help you with all putting that plan together.