my ex never hit me, only belittled,degraded me, stopped my friends and family from visiting our home, total control of home, money, even my work schedule. I was nervous every evening driving home from work, wondering if I had done any thing that day to displease him. He Had multiple affairs and expected me to share his bed even though he openly declared he had new best friends, who were female. We have been separated 2 yrs now and divorced 1 and I still get nauseated when he picks up the kids or calls. How did someone like me let this man do this to me and my family? And how do I stop reacting this way around him? How do I negotiate visitations when all I can remember is how he treated me?

Well emtional abuse is worse that psyhical abuse. Bruises heal in a few weeks....mental bruises stay w/u for a very long time sometimes forever. I know I've been thru pshyical and a ton of mental and emotional abuse.

I'm still getting over it all. My Daughter's father did a number on my mind and I'm still healing from it.

I guess the best thing I did and I am still doing is just keep reminding urself that its not u. U were not the one that asked for. U r better than he.

It really ticks me off when guys do this and just move on like its our fault or something. Its hard to get over. I've dealt w/it so long in my life. It does get better.

If u ever wanna talk u can PM anytime.

SPIRIT

Yup metal abuse is bad cause it beats us down at our core. It takes away our identity at times, and it is hard to recover that back. I have had days when I try to remember who I was before I got married. I certainly am not who I am now. oh well, the process continues.

All ways remember these were his choices not yours.Now it is time to remeber that you control your thoughts and just keep strong.We all have days of why me but if it has lasted this long and makes you physically ill seek counciling talk to a battered womans shelter so you and believe in you again .we all believe in u and are here anytime.Alot of us have suffered abuse and it is hard but I promise you can and will move forward.You have come this far and it sounds like you are doing awesome.Please remember you are the best you and everyday try to live up there for your kids and yourself.It can take a while but life does go on.Hugs Gail

My hubby just completely moved out today....it was pure emotional abuse
classic 2nd husband.... knight in shining armor, family loved him
But after almost 3 years of marriage Poof..the emotional abuse was painful Making fights out of literally nothing, making me out to be the bad guy...saying things in front of family members to make me look bad....like i was out of control..... finally had our LAST fight the other night, and i called the cops....dring the fight i was trying to get up..he blocked me from getting off the sofa... i swung leg around him to move .. and he forcefully slapped my leg down.. cops came told him to leave for 2 days...he did.... then came back took his things and thats it

I know you need to get away from him pack you and your kids belongings and only notify who you trust and go to a woman shelter for help. I will not wait any longer or something serious might happen to you or your kids try to easy out of this relationship A.S.A.P.

The scars of PHYSICAL ABUSE are just as horrific as the emotional and mental abuse that go hand in hand. Take it from one who knows first hand, one (abuse) leads to the other, and no one can say that one "overpowers" the other.

It took me years to get out of my relationship with my ex, and in the interim, I lost my children to foster care, due to my fear of getting out...what a wake up call that was.

While it has been 4 years and 2 months since that wake up call, I had to literally start over from scratch (at the age of 42) and, while in a monetary sense, I still struggle in supporting my daughters (I was able to get them out of foster care after 2 months, 3 days, obtain my divorce -- did it myself! -- get my daughters and I into counseling, AND moved to another state to start over, away from the ex!) every day is a challenge, but it is a challenge I can handle.

What I can't, I leave in God's hands, and, I must say, with all of the tools we have been given - and use! - we are slowly but surely, moving forward.

Easy? Not by a long shot, but you have to take that first step; don't wait, do it TODAY.

Stephanieanne, I applaud and admire you for your courage and strength for starting over with nothing. New state, new friends, new everything...I am proud of you.

Though I never suffered physical abuse, there was alot of verbal and emotional abuse. Though it is in the past, sometimes I think back and wish I had left him sooner than him leaving me and boys.

Thank you for your words of encouragement.

I really never thought there was a way out, and, while the road I took was delving deeper "into the pit" (losing my girls to foster care for the longest 2 months and 3 days of my life), it forced me to realize that if I didn't get out, forgoing whatever possesions I had (and bluntly, that was only in a material sense), I was in danger of losing my girls forever, and possibly myself...

It IS difficult: figuring out how one got into an emotionally/verbally and/or physically abusive relationship, and then, trying to get out! It CAN be done however, and while the "big picture" (does freedom ring a bell? )may seem out of your grasp, it isn't...for those of you out of those relationships, I also applaud you - for those of you still in such relationships, I SUPPORT you, but remember...YOU must take the first step.

From that first step, you will find the guidance you need.

You are very welcome stephanie. Sometimes we just have to learn from our mistakes and move on.

Stephanie, I just came across this post. I'm so glad to see you are back on! You HAVE to get an updated picture of your girls. They must be bigger now. How are things going, by the way? With your job, did you get your promotion? Is your ex still lingering around to where you moved to?

We are all ok over here. Just trying to get the last few things done before Christmas. I am pretty much done with the shopping, but now I have a ton of wrapping!

Nice seeing you on again. Talk to you.

Patty