Well, my story is a long one so i'll try to keep it short and sweet. I am engaged to a man who i have been with for 3 1/2 years on and off. Currently my 2 daughters and I are staying with my mom b/c their dad decided to drink a whole bottle of wine and proceeded to yell at me cause our youngest was crying, then get in my face screaming some more. I tried to push him off cause he was scaring our baby and making her cry worse he then shoved me into a wall, attempted to choke me, and tried to rip our screaming baby from my arms. Our 2 yr old was watching all of this. I ran to the kitchen, both girls now screaming, of course he wouldn't leave us alone despite my pleas! He kept yanking on our baby, I was screaming that he was hurting her finally I let go cause I didn't want her to get hurt. He clung to her like he was her savior, cooing at her as she cried. It was like nothing I had ever seen. I got her back by saying I needed to take her to the emergency room cause she had fallen before the fight. Locked myself and the girls in the bedroom, couldn't find my phone to call cops so I attempted to escape thru the sliding glass doors in our room. I couldn't get them open I was too nervous and panic attack was making my hands shaky. I came out of the room with the girls and purse told him I was taking the baby, told 2 yr old to put her shoes on he tried scooping her up and coming with us but I told him to go to work drunk or not. This is not the first time I have left over an outburst, but it is the first one with our daughters in the mix of it. The next morn I came to our apt to get some clothes he thought I was ready to come home cause I always come back. I don't think he'll ever change, I don't want my babies hurt, I need some advice!!!

OMG..............

first off,
you will find a lot of support here.

What a horrendous experience for you to have gone through.........

As a past recipient of DV myself (luckily my kid was spared, but maybe only because I got out EARLY!!), I can only say the following (the first one you say it yourself)

- he will not change

- it will gradually escalate. By staying you are giving him "permission" to carry on with the abuse. Also, you are giving your daughters the message "this is how relationships are" and will set them up to repeat the experience in their own relationships as adults.

- if you continue in this relationship, (never mind the lasting psychological - and maybe physical - damage that will be done) you will lose your kids cos they will be taken into care.

- I think the statistic is that 2 women are killed per week by their partner in the USA.

- for the sake of your kids and yourself you HAVE TO GET OUT!! (permanently!!)

Have you checked out the other messages on this
thread? You'll find a lot of info etc. Also, good links. Also, check out "Stockholm Syndrome".

Your title "am I blowing things out of proportion?" worries me.......

YOU ARE NOT BLOWING THINGS OUT OF PROPORTION!!!!
A man who tries to choke you and batters your kids: that is NOT BLOWING IT OUT OF PROPORTION!!

Get in touch with your local women's shelter now to find out what you need to do (i.e.gather all your essential documents, like social security card etc) and what your possibilities are. They will give you the support you need. You really need them in your corner.

I did a google for you and came up with this http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/states/ksdv.shtml

Be strong and keep us posted!!

thanks for the advice, I checked out the site s. He is already texting me wanting to know if I love him, when I am comming home, saying he needs to see me and the girls. Ugh! We're staying with my mom for now but she is a huge nag and actually used to be very abusive when I was younger. She tries to pretend it never happened though. My stepfather used to abuse her, funny thing is he is the one who hates my bd and really wants me to leave him!

I agree with everything Marielle said here.

He will not change. Therefore, you must leave. (Easier said than done).

Do find out what resources are near you. A battered women's shelter would be a great place to call or visit. They will be able to help point you in the right direction.

Best of luck to you. And do keep us posted.

You need to leave. No forwarding address, leave.

Just do it.

File assault charges, if you have ANY marks on your body, as well.

But Leave.

There are plenty of women here....that can tell similar stories you have told....the majority of the them will tell you the same....He will NOT CHANGE!

Leave. I know that's harder than it sounds...but unles you are physically attacking him and causing him to defend himself...then YOU DID NOT cause this... you need to leave or you are teaching your children that it is OK for someone to treat THEM like this!

quote:

cause I always come back. I don't think he'll ever change, I don't want my babies hurt, I need some advice

Stop going back and go forward instead. Keep those kids and yourself safe.

overreacting? HECK NO!!!!

This man is an abuser. It doesn't matter if he "only" does it when he's drinking or not. He is an abuser and you need to get away from him.

You all are so right thank you for the good advice! I feel much better knowing I am not the only one and feeling like I have some support out there! It is hard when you feel like the ones who are supposed to be supporting you aren't really! Me and the girls will be hangin in there, though I know it's gonna be hard!