I may sound paranoid, but I hope not...

I left my ex b/c he was not very nice (this was just before my baby was born). I moved 2000 miles away to get away from him.

He now says he's moving to be close to us. He hasn't seen my daughter in 2 years (his choice, not my denial of him visiting)...I'm scared...really, really scared....not only that he'll be screaming at me every day, controling every situation, taking me back to court (all of this in front of our daughter), but he has psychological issues, alcohol, drugs - pretty much you name it...I know he'll be showing up everywhere we go if he moves here and I don't know what to do...

the only thing I can think of to do is to find out where he works so I can peiodically check that he stillworks there (if he quits, he's probably leaving the state to come to find us)...

I have all of his info, including SS#...is there any legal way to find out where he works? besides hiring a PI because they cost so much money....I just want security....that's it...now I wake up every day wondering if he's moved or if I'm going to see him with no fair warning....I'm driving myself nuts here....

any info?

Hmm you can always google his name. Also there are some sites that you can find out personal info ...cost you like $30 but.....then again, sounds like you might know more than what they can dig up.

Does he know exactly where you live? Does he know your phone number? Have you ever filed charges against him or have proof of any domestic abuse? If not, there is not much you can do until he does it.....it sucks but just be one step ahead of him like you are trying to do right now.

Without hiring a PI, I don't know that you can find his place of employment. Are you receiving child support? Because one way you would automatically know is if the automatic payment stopped due to him quitting his job.

I am curious as to why you have stayed in contact with an abuser. If he has shown no interest in his child in the past year, the easiest thing to do is to move (even just across town) so that he does not have a current address for you.

In my experience, abusers blow a lot of smoke because they want to continue to exert control over their victims. Control and power is what feeds these people. And they do this by issuing empty threats. Usually moving 2000 miles to control someone is way too much work. My gut tells me that he is messing with you right now and sitting back to see what you will do. Just testing the waters.

I have received 1 CS check in the past 2 years...a few weeks ago...so I will be watching the checks closely to see if they stop .... but since I've only received 1, there's no expectation that they will actually come so I don't know if that is a good indicator...

I have only stayed in contact with him so I wouldn't appear to be blocking a relaitonship with him and my daughter, I've been trying to do the right thing for her...but he hasn't asked to see her in over a year, or ever visited...99% of his emails and voicemails are about money so I don't respond...I've always been open to responding about my duaghter, but he hasn't asked so I haven't emailed him in a very long...

I really hope you are right about just blowing smoke...he's always done that, but he's so crazy this may be the one time he actually does what he says he's going to...and this would be the worst thing...

In my honest opinion....You are scared of him....You admitted it...That is grounds for a restraining order....Put one in place, then if he comes near you, you have legal actions you can take which would include putting him in jail...

I understand that you keep in contact with him for your daughter's sake, but come on.....You are scared of him and have stated many reasons why you don't want him to be around, yet you would be willing to accommodate a relationship between him and your daughter???

Get rid of him once and for all...Go to court, and put a restraining order against him for both yourself and your daughter stating the reasons why you are concerned, BUT put in the stipulation that if he wants a relationship with your daughter, he can after passing psychological exams and treatments....

If you are HONESTLY scared, and not just blowing smoke of your own, then you need to rectify the problem once and for all.

-J

everyones advice is great,
If your scared of him and he does all those things, why would you want your child around someone like that? Father or not, thats not something you should want your daughter seeing what hes doing to you. You've given him enough opportunity to be in his daughters life. I would get a restraining order, for you and your childs sake.