I am unsure if my husband has been emotionally abusing me or not. Quickly before my laptop dies (I'll finish this tomorrow, but I wanted to get the question out there...)

http://singlefamilyvoices.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/7001033691/m/7261068244

This is one of the many things he's pulled on me in the last few years...am I reading to much into his behaviors?

Emotional abuse in a nutshell is any behavior that causes intentional emotional distress on another person. From some of your descriptions of his behavior it sounds like a distinct possibility. However, emotional abuse is one of the more difficult ones to prove when it's occurring based on verbal abuse. The military makes it even more difficult to prove b/c of their system through Family Advocacy. However, since you are still married you are more than within your right to contact the Family Advocacy Office at his location to report the incidents and have an investigation started in to his behavior. Just a thought.

I was in a very emotionally abussive relationship and I don't think I fully grasped the nature of what I was going through until the weekend I had enough and I packed up and left for he weekend. He was served with a temorary (TRO)

Once I began to accept what I was living with the past 10+ years it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was self preservation. I was not ready to accept it and change it, so it was how I lived with it.

I am not saying your situation is exactly the same as mine. It sure as heck sounds like he has serious control issues just from the little bit I read. Be aware and be an alert and don't be afraid to question urself about how he is treating you. If you need to talk give me shout.

Emotional/Psychological abuse can be a tricky thing...Even the strongest, most independent of people (I say people b/c it works both ways) can find themselves in an abusive relationship! The control & the jealousy can seem "flattering" when it first appears....but if he is PUNISHING you for not answering a phone or if you are getting gifts b/c he "went overboard" etc...then you are in an abusive relationship!! To ask the question isn't crazy @ all b/c it is all about manipulation...it starts slowly & the next thing you know you are making excuses to yourself about why it's okay that he/she treats you that way ....Dam# I remember actually saying to my ex-husband after he came home from work with flowers AGAIN b/c of having one of his jealous out of control tyrades the night before that: "next time bring me a yankee candle instead of flowers...flowers die & I love the buttercream yankee candles!!" Can you imagine...but I knew there'd be a next time! Even then I think it was another year before that straw that broke the camel's back moment & I finaly made him leave for good! Just KNOW no matter what they say it wasn't b/c YOU did this or YOU didn't do that..sadly it has nothing to do w/ you really! It is about their own insecurity & their need to control. It has nothing to do with you or LOVE...I know I'm making blanket statements here, but although the spacifics of each person's situation is different, the abuser is always the same!! One thing for sure...It NEVER gets better...only worse!! Take care of you & that beautiful little girl!!

Hmmm, read the link. He sounds heavy!!


I think it is important for you to extracate yourself out of this and also to, as it were, stand outside yourself while he goes into his tirade towards you, with the thought of Oh, that's him getting into a rant. (and it's got nothing to do with me, but all about control, etc).

Do everything you can not to get affected by it and not let it run down your self esteem!!

I know from experience how insiduous this stuff is!! Protect yourself and your kids!!

I think it's probably emotional abuse--at the very least it's an attempt to manipulate and control. My queston is this...why are you getting into it with him? Why are you calling him up to keep the fight going? You're no longer living with him and you can't force him to be reliable for your child. So, why keep putting yourself through this?

I don't mean to suggest that you are responsible for his behavior, but he can only manipulate you at this point as long as you are willing to pick up the phone and continue to participate in this behavior.

quote:

Originally posted by missabb:
My queston is this...why are you getting into it with him? Why are you calling him up to keep the fight going? You're no longer living with him and you can't force him to be reliable for your child. So, why keep putting yourself through this?

Cause I'm in denial about this all. When we fight, I feel at least I'm able to be on the phone with him, so I take the fight cause I don't know the next time I'll talk to him.

Case in point...he talked to DD on Thurs. Said he'd call Sunday. Never did. Nothing Mon. Tuesday, called me to answer a stupid question about the subwoofer I had...later texted me, told me he'd be off at work at a decent time and would call. Never did. Today, nothing.

I'm getting numb to it. He said something on Tuesday...Something like I'm sorry I didn't call Monday, I had a headache from the heat. I said, it's alright, I'm used to you not keeping your word.

It just came out naturally. No fight was started with that thank god.

So, in answer to your question...it's cause I'm stubborn.

I understand. You're hanging on to something. I did that too. I wasted the better part of my 20's trying to fix a situation that couldn't be fixed. Since I let that go my daughter and I are so much happier. Your daughter's childhood and your life are just too precious to spend too much time fighting this guy. I hope you decide to move on soon.

I was pysicaly and emotionaly abused for ten years, we are no longer together and haven't been for two years, he still thinks he can emotionaly abuse me. He wouldn't let me have any friends and when his friends came over I had to stay in the bedroom, if the phone rang and it was him I had to answer it in 2 rings otherwise he would abuse me. it didn't matter if I was busy - to the point that I would take the phone everywhere - in the shower to the toilet - everywhere. I wasn't allowed to go out without him and I wasn't allowed to get my drivers licence while I was with him. Emotional abuse is **** and it is on par with pyhsical abuse - I should know I have been on the recieving end of both. you need to set up a support network and look into refuges for abused women and then you need to find a GOOD laywer. I hope everything works out for you and you do what you feel is right in your heart.

I just joined here but I wanted to post to you.... I was in an emotionally abusinve relationship for 4 years. Now please believe me when I say I was the strongest most independent woman you could ever have meet 6 years ago.

I didn't know it was abuse becasue there was no bruises. Well physical ones anyways.. Google mental and emotional abuse. I was controlled in every aspect of my life. I came home to reciepts from stores that I shopped at attached to the fridge saying things like when did you go here. Did I say it was okay. Came into the bathroom while I was showering just to make sure I was there and would stare at me till I got out... It got really creepy.. Like I was gonna climb out the window or something....
I had to seek other measures to get out of the relationship that I will discuss at another time. But I felt like I was walking straight through the middle of ****. Finally after secretly seeing a therapist I got a few answers and a few great suggestions. I was told to take the kids to Women in Distress. Just cut all ties with everyone and go.... I pre warned everyone that I might just disappear but I would notify them when I could... Then he wouldn't leave me alone with the kids at all... Yes, He stayed home too...

He was a real WINNER... But that is the past and I am better off now.

But I am now living by one saying. thank God for giving you a second chance to get things right...

If you think it is abuse... LEAVE NOW..... Please .... Don't think you can make it work... He will never change... I tried for a long time.... BUT I LOVE MYSELF MORE...

I hope that I can at least help one person in my life escape....

I hope that this has helped you just a little....

As hard as it is, it is better to be single then to deal with an abuser.... It is not love.... They do love one thing and that is the control and power they have over you....

Be stronger then that and escape....Katy

I was emotionally and physically abused as well. From my experience, and looking back now, I now know that emotional abuse is when you are made to feel bad about yourself. It's when you feel no longer like yourself and that you feel like your life is trying to be controlled by someone else. You feel bad about making decisions in your life because you might be called "selfish".

FYI I see you are in Spokane...I lived there for 10 yrs and left last year. I went to the YWCA near downtown Spokane for counseling. It was free and it really helped a lot. Maybe you can check into that before he does any more damage to you.

Wait...isn't this what teenage girls do to teach their boyfriend a lesson? Not return calls if he didn't pick up?
Jeez...thought high school was over

Why do relationships have to be so crazy? I mean you didnt pick up, then he didnt pick up, and you chased him around for 8 days and threatend to tell on him if he didnt pick up. What you should have done is dusted off your shoulders and had some fun. He would have called you. I dont want to offend you or anyone but I would say that this insnt emotional abuse. I would have to agree with Baerhiel that it sounds like high school. I would also say that if both of you always act like this then you probabally shouldn't be together. A relationship should be built on trust. And him being mad that you didnt pick up sounds either A- insecure or B- trust issues. But these are just a new guys 2 pennies. I could be completely wrong too lol.